on the other side of the frienship thing
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on the other side of the frienship thing
| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 6:12pm |
My really good girlfriend is starting to get upset and I think silently resenting me because I met someone new and have been seeing this person for a month now and it's starting to get into relationship mode (I know it's soon but things just progressed that way so far). She thinks I'm going to ditch her for this guy and it really hurts to hear her say this. I think she wants everything to be exactly the same as it was between us as far as time spent and number of phone calls a day. We were virtually inseparable for a year and a half. I understand her fears and concerns and have tried my best to make it known that i'm still here for her no matter what and I care for her greatly and will never ditch her. I cant' promise that I"ll be able to spend "as much" time with her as I have before but I can certainly guarantee that i"ll make an all out effort to hang out with her as many times as I can and I make an effort to talk to her on the phone every single day. She just doesn't think what I'm doing is good enough now and I'm stressing because I'm trying my best really and I can only do so much and spread myself so thin. Now I'm on the other side but I dont' feel as if I've been ditching her or doing anything to make her feel like she is less important in my life. Any thoughts or comments on this. I have tried to ask her what she wants from me etc etc but I think she is still hurting over this and she gets uncomfortable talking about it. I feel as if I can't really bring too much up about this new man because she probably doesnt' want to hear it.

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It sounds like you're being very good about keeping in touch and continuing to be a friend to her. It also sounds like she has her own issues which are causing her to overreact to her fears of losing your friendship.
I would share with her (if you haven't already) that you're doing your best, that you understand her fears and want to try to find a happy medium, and that it hurts you to not feel like you can share your happiness about your new relationship with her. If she has a problem "hearing" that and being happy for you despite her fears, then that's her issue, IMO.
Sheri
Well, FWIW, I would keep the focus off her getting counseling (even though I'm sure she could benefit as we all could) and keep the focus on the specifics of how your friendship is being affected by the situation at hand.
It's a tough situation. I hope it works out and she realizes you are still there for her.
Sheri
Maybe she needs to know that you aren't replacing time with her with time with other couples.
Have you told her that?
well it's good that you realize now, early on, that you don't want things to really change with your friend. i think that is the problem in a lot of cases, the girls who start dating/get engaged/get married don't even realize what they're doing until it's too late.
i also think it's really good that you talk with her on the phone all the time, i'm lucky to hear from my best friend once a week now that she's married. like someone else suggested are you sure she wouldn't be comfortable hanging out with you and your guy? she might prefer that instead of seeing you less. but it does sound like you're being considerate about the issue which is huge! i think she'll slowly become more accepting of the change as long as it's not completely drastic...not sure if this helped i feel as though i've just rambled..
I'm starting to wonder if the problem doesn't stem from you and your boyfriend, but the fact that you and your friend were inseparable- joined at the hip- beforehand.
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