on the other side of the frienship thing
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on the other side of the frienship thing
| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 6:12pm |
My really good girlfriend is starting to get upset and I think silently resenting me because I met someone new and have been seeing this person for a month now and it's starting to get into relationship mode (I know it's soon but things just progressed that way so far). She thinks I'm going to ditch her for this guy and it really hurts to hear her say this. I think she wants everything to be exactly the same as it was between us as far as time spent and number of phone calls a day. We were virtually inseparable for a year and a half. I understand her fears and concerns and have tried my best to make it known that i'm still here for her no matter what and I care for her greatly and will never ditch her. I cant' promise that I"ll be able to spend "as much" time with her as I have before but I can certainly guarantee that i"ll make an all out effort to hang out with her as many times as I can and I make an effort to talk to her on the phone every single day. She just doesn't think what I'm doing is good enough now and I'm stressing because I'm trying my best really and I can only do so much and spread myself so thin. Now I'm on the other side but I dont' feel as if I've been ditching her or doing anything to make her feel like she is less important in my life. Any thoughts or comments on this. I have tried to ask her what she wants from me etc etc but I think she is still hurting over this and she gets uncomfortable talking about it. I feel as if I can't really bring too much up about this new man because she probably doesnt' want to hear it.

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Wow, it's a tough situation you are in.
I think everybody has posted some good ideas, like trying to include her with your guy and his friends, ....but then again, you are astute to realize potential challenges with such.
Another good point was realizing the nature of your earlier friendship - I have had that challenge before when I was so into my best friend, and then realizing that once she started dating and eventually married this guy, she forgot about my needs as a best friend. I tried to distance myself and relearn to confide in other close friends. She was used to confiding with her sisters and once she moved closer (after getting married) to them, she just forgot about me. And, interestingly enough, I had seen that she had done that (discontinued other friendships) and she admitted that she had done that with other friendships in years past as well. So, knowing that information I wasn't surprised, but it still was painful at some points in time for me, ie when I broke up with my bf.
I'm sorry I couldn't find any more ideas for you, but I wanted to empathize at your dilemma! It's frustrating that now that you have found someone interesting (Ya!), one of your other social support system suffers. It's such a challenge to juggle all of these relationships. I wonder what your new man has to say about this? Have you asked him his opinion on what to do? I'm assuming he has met her.
I'm not sure what the solution is to your stress over this friendship, but you are on the right path to negotiate the issues with her and try for creative solutions. Good luck!
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