Out of the blue call from an old EX!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Out of the blue call from an old EX!
2
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 5:34am

Hi I have a question for all you guys.

My ex b/f from a long time ago, we went out before my current and ex and I were together. When my current ex b/f and I started dating I told my ex from along time ago that we should not talk anymore as he would always call me and would ask me to hang out. But I could sense that he still had feelings for me, so I kindly wrote him an e-mail explaining to him that I think it would be best if we did not have any contact for awhile in order for you to fully move on. I did this out of respect for my current ex b/f as I did not want him be uncomfortable in anyway. He told me that he did not know that I was friends still with two of my ex's and that he had no problem with me going for coffee with them as he trusted me. However, I declined out of respect for him.

Well after my current ex and I brokeup my ex of a long time ago (who I sent an e-mail to requesting not to contact me)asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his friends to a movie one night. I declined as it has just been a week since my ex and I had brokenup so I did not think it was appropriate. He was wanting to see me as he is moving away to go back to school, so he said he wanted to see me before he left. Well anyways this morning I recieved a call from him, he was oversea's on vacation visiting his family, then heading to Europe for one last trip before he leaves to go away for school.

Just on a side note the ex from along time ago does not know anything about my current ex as I never felt that it was any of his buisness to tell him, not to mention I did not want to tell him online as I am not quite sure how he feels.

Well anyways my question is that I do kinda want to just go for coffee with my ex from a long time ago just to catch up when he comes back before he moves. However, I do not want to send any mixed signals to him, as he called me this morning from overseas's, told me I could call him on the cell he got while he was there if I wanted. Before he left he had told me that he is fine with how things our with us, but that he misses me and will always miss me. I know he still cares for me, but I do not want to send a message that I am still interested in him in that way if I agree to go for coffee or out to eat with him before he goes away. Not to mention I really do not want anymore drama going on as I have enough to deal with in regards to my current situation I am.

Not to mention I love my current ex so much so I do not want to do anything that would hurt him, if he were to here about this. So I guess from writing this post I have made my mind up that it would not be a wise choice on my part to go for coffee. Even though I know that I would never want to date the ex of a long time ago again. But I would just worry that he or others may take it as me being over my current ex, which is so not the case. Even though I know I should not care what my current ex or others think, I just care about him alot so I do not want to do anything that would upset him if he were to find out. Which I am sure some little birdie would let him know, as we have mutual friends and I know how girls can be with gossip.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 6:04am

Hi again,

I just realized the answer to my own question that I posted. If I am worried enough about him still having feelings for me by his words and behaviours to post a question on here then, then obvisouly the answer to my question about seeing him is no.

As the other guy that I went out with years ago for 8 months, I do not even consider him an ex. When I think of him I think of him as old friend. So when he askes me to go out to eat it does not phase me. That could be that he has g/f at the moment. Just so you know I only agreed to us hanging out again, once I checked with him to see if his g/f would be okay with it. As I told him when he asked me to hang out that I did not want to do anything to make his g/f uncomfortbale, so that I would only hang out with him if she was okay with it. He told me that she did not mind, and even if she did he does what he wants. Sure I would rather have him care more about her feelings, but I do not know her so I can only go by what he says. Not to mention we are just going out to eat or coffee. Heck as far as I am concerned she could come along with us, but I doubt he would want to as he would want to catch up on things. I would actually love to meet her as she seems nice. But judging by the fact that she seems okay with him having alot of girls as friends, I really do not think it would be a problem.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 1:25pm

I was able to maintain friendships with exes when I was in my early twenties, but for some reason, the older I get, the less that happens. I don't know if it's because people are busier these days or what. I would think that it would be the opposite, that I would stay in touch with more of them now, but it hasn't turned out that way. I can't honestly say that I care. I know that sounds bad, but I was just sitting here reflecting and, I'm just not interested in knowing what any of them are doing with themselves now. Well, maybe one of them ; )

I say, go with your gut. It sounds like you're getting a clear inner response so I'd go with that . . . good luck.