Overactive Imagination Working Overtime

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Overactive Imagination Working Overtime
4
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 4:38am
Hi. i'm fairly young, 21. I'm a single mom, full-time college student, and I work at a gas station as well. OK. I have a lot of responisbility and other stuff on my plate. I was in a bad relationship for about three years, and have been single and healing for approx. two years. My major in school is a pretty time-consuming one, and most of my spare time is spent with my son or at work. I do go out with friends about once a week for a couple of hours. As it is, I don't have time for a relationship at the moment. I don't think I'm emotionally stable enough anyway. My ex messed me up pretty bad. THAT is beside the point. I have the next several years tentatively mapped out for my son and I. You know, finish shchool, start my career, him start school, move a couple times for school and career. OK. I somehow conveniently forgot to leave room for a "man" in my life. That is ok, because my priorities are where they need to be at the moment. BUT, I don't want them to be so set that I end up being a 40-year ld single parent of 1. I want more children in the future, but I'm just not ready for a relationship. I know it's ok to be single, and it's the most sensical thing for me right now, but what happens if I get set in my ways and I can't get out of my "funk" and back into the field?? I know it's my imagination working overtime(i hope), but any thoughts anyway??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 3:21pm
You are 21. As long as you continue to grow and allow yourself to heal emotionally - you will not become set in your ways. Just remember to experience life and experiment (within safety ranges!) - those experiences will keep you on your toes :) And someday you'll be ready for the time in your life when you're career and family life are settling down. Trust yourself - look how far you've come already. Congratulations! You have a great attitude at such a young age.

Peace, Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 6:44pm
Sweetie, you are only 21! Start worrying when you get over thirty. But for now, focus on school and your son. You said yourself that you aren't ready for another relationship so put that on the back burner and relax. Love will find it's way to you when it's time. And as your son grows up you'll have more spare time because of his school. Don't worry, just have fun right now.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:08am
You're not up for a relationship, but you still could date. Dating doesn't always have to lead to a relationship. Stick with the old "guys'" line- "I'm not ready for a relationship" and you'll be fine. If someone special comes along, you'll find time. In the meantime, you need to do something that's just for you, and dating might just be it.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 8:24am
I'm 36, no children, never married (intentional single motherhood is just not for me - doesn't seem to be in the best interests of the child) - I am not set in my ways - I am constantly meeting new people - friends and dates - trying new things - volunteer work, an acting class I took, cultural activities, etc -you can be set in your ways for example if you are married and you have nothing outside of your husband/children - nothing for yourself - I think what you are doing for yourself and your son is responsible, impressive, and wise. Getting a college education and a graduate degree - changed my life - so much for the better I cannot tell you - other than hopefully becoming a wife and mother someday - graduate school - and the financial independence it brought me as well as the self confidence - is the best thing I ever did. Once you graduate and if you choose to get a more white collar job, you will be in contact with people who may be more suitable for you to date - again, keep up the good work - you are doing great!!!! - and stop that silly imagination or - I will share this with you - a 5 year old boy I've read to at the homeless shelter where he works said he loves to "imaginate" - it always makes me smile when I think of how that word is so much clearer than "imagine" - I hope it makes you smile too!