Pain of unrequited love

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Pain of unrequited love
10
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 1:57am

I recently met a woman on holiday (I'm bisexual) who gave me the come on (or so I thought). I thought she was flirting with me and she would do things such as touch my leg with hers under the table, press her thighs against mine when we were sitting next to me and would playfully grope my legs when we were swimming in the sea. Nothing actually happened between us other than this and friendly hugging and kissing and we never discussed our feelings but I developed a thing for her.

We swapped contact details and then she invited me to stay at hers which I did a few weeks ago. It was terribe because she was cold and totally non-tactile. Not like she was whilst away. Conversation was painful and I didn't feel I could talk to her about what happened when we were away. I tried to flirt with her, touch her arm when I gave her a drink, put my arms around her when she got a bit upset and angry about something but got nothing back in return.

Despite all of this I still have very strong feelings for her. I've tried to keep myself busy and occupied but it's not working because all I do is think of her. Too many things remind me of her (music, TV programmes, perfume etc) and I can't concentrate at work. 

 

 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 10:49am

Do you think she was maybe just experimenting, or has she been with a woman before?  She could have freaked out and decided it wasn't what she wanted if she was experimenting.  Was the kissing romantic in nature?  I ask because I have a friend who is very touchy-feely, huggy, etc. with most people- me included- and we've given each other a peck on the lips but it wasn't sexual at all.  She's married and I'm certainly not into women.  Without knowing her background, I'm just throwing suggestions out there.  She may not be up for a romantic relationship with a woman.  In whatever case it is, you'll eventually move past it.  We all do!

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 12:01pm
Hi there, I am wondering if ivillage has an LGBT community? Anyone know?

She may be new to "the lady pond". Perhaps she's confused or is just experimenting. It may even be that you misread something or she was just tipsy? Perhaps she's just interested in friendship?

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 12:43pm

Yes, there is.  Here's the link:

http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Gay-Lesbian-and-Bisexual/ct-p/iv-rlbisex

Thanks for the suggestion.  I hadn't thought about another board.  I sometimes see us as a little tiny planet with no other planets around us!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 3:42pm

She's single. Maybe I did misread the signals but I thought they were quite strong at the time. We both drank quite a lot on holiday but she got pissed when I stayed so could have had her opportunity...Maybe she feels something for me but for some reason is too shy or unwilling to act upon her feelings ?

What is strange is the way she was so cold towards me. As I said she was tactile on holiday but when I went to stay with her I got absolutely nothing from her in the way of any any atttention or affection ! So confusing...

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 3:47pm
If she was being cold then she's either toying with you or she isn't interested in the way you'd previously imagined. I'd encourage you to move on.
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 08-02-2012 - 3:48pm
We weren't really asking if she's single. We were asking if she was, in fact, open to a sexual relationship with another woman. People do things while drunk and on vacation that they'd never do otherwise. Maybe she thought you were both just acting out some vacation fantasy and the visit was strictly platonic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 1:38am

Thanks for your replies. I got an email from her yesterday saying sorry that she was quiet when I was with her and explaining that she's going through a difficult time at the moment. I talked things through with a friend who was also on our holiday and she too was surprised at the way she behaved as she really thought she liked me. 

She says she's very much a loner and doesn't want to get too close to people and she certainly found small talk very difficult. She was different whilst on holiday as we weren't together on a one to one basis. 

I still love her very much but don't know how to keep this contact going. We have no plans to meet up at the moment either...

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 9:43am

I'm sorry, did you say you were in love with her?  Didn't you just meet?  I'm confused ;]

Glad you heard from her, though . . .

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 11:39am
I was going to ask the same question as cfk. If you just met, how can you possibly love her? You just might be scaring her off with that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2011
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 2:15pm
This is a pointless conversation so I'll say no more. I didn't say I was in love with her, I said that I love her. They are two different thIngs.