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|Mon, 11-18-2013 - 8:01pm|
The strangest thing happened to me while driving yesterday. Not sure why but I started thinking and couldn't stop. Basically I was psychoanalyzing myself. I mean, really deap thoughts about my ex and how I loved him so much but all he ever did was treat me like crap. He was all I ever wanted for years but I never really "had" him. Nothing ever made him happy. Then I started thinking about MB from work and how I've let him toy with me for almost a year now. He makes me happy and supposedly I make him happy but still, I'll never have him either because of the age thing. And in my mind I want more for him than me anyway but in my heart, that's another story. Seems like I always fall for the guys I can't have. And a lot of other bad things went through my mind too....my still birth, my miscarriage, my brother dying. Next thing I knew my heart was pounding in my chest and silent huge tears flooded my face uncontrollably. My hands were clammy and yet I was freezing. Nothing like that ever happened to me before. That went on for about 10 minutes and then my heart slowed and all was okay again. What the heck? Has anything like that ever happened to anyone of you? If so what do you do about it? Scared me and I don't want it to ever happen again. Wow, my heart beat so hard I thought for a minute I was going to die.