Peer pressure!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Peer pressure!
14
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 9:42pm

There are several women in my building who have decided we should all go speed dating "just for fun". One of them told me she already signed me up (jokingly). I do NOT want to go speed dating!  I'm not comfortable making small talk with strangers. The truth is, I see it as a way to get rejected by a lot of people in a short period of time. Like online dating on steroids.  And I just really don't want to go. But that doesn't seem to be a good enough reason!  I'm not lacking in the male attention department right now, so it's not like I feel like I need to meet a huge amount of guys, most of which will probably be too old. 

I don't want to cave to peer pressure!  I'd much rather just go out somewhere and serve as a wing woman! 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 10:49am
Is this one of those posts that someone goes on with writing about how how they don't want to do something but really want to, or want the debate? If so, can't help you there. If not, then it is very reasonable to tell them you have enough attention from guys right now and don't need anymore, but thanks for the offer to include you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 10:56am

I think at your age, you should be able to say no to something w/o feeling peer pressure.  I would hate speed dating also--talk about an occasion when people are only going to make an instant impression, i.e., it's all about whether the guy thinks you are cute or not.  I'd just say "No, thanks, but it's not something that I want to do" and no matter what they say, you just keep repeating it.  You can add, I'd like to go out with you ladies another night for dinner, drinks, whatever else you like to do.  

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 12:21pm

just don't show up.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 1:16pm
That's exactly how I see it, Music. It's all about how you look and not really who you are. I'm not good at talking about myself, either. I really don't get the appeal of it. You're right- just saying no should be okay. I don't get why so many people don't accept that, though. I honestly thought the whole concept had died out. I guess not.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 2:14pm

  i am with you on this I just would not show up.  I have done that to ditch a well meaning but dense friend who tried to set me up.  Worse many of these people don't ask about your taste they just assume.  Speed dating would put me at a disadvantage as it takes me awhile to warm to a person.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 2:48pm

Wish we had speed dating here....no such thing ever happening where I live. I would have gone! :-) But then again, it is because I never meet any single guys and it would be nice just meeting some.... No "male attention" here, I´m afraid. I hear you on the rejection thingy though, Shy.

Off topic: I just "saw" a man of 70 on an OLD site (not visiting me, he was new in the site and popped up in "New") who wanted "a delicious hot woman, as young as possible". Yucccchkkk! Made feel somewhat sick. Who do these men think they are?!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 4:49pm
Eeewww! If that doesn't turn off his real potential dates, I don't know what would. I honestly don't even know what sort of event they've found. The youngest person who's in on it is 25 and the oldest is 40, so the range of ages has to be quite wide. I'd probably end up with the 70 year old you mentioned chasing me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 5:05pm

OH yes, certain men are delusional--can't you see a bunch of hot young women saying "wow, I really want to date someone who reminds me of grandpa."  lol  I found out from Facebook that a guy I dance with who I thought was in his 50's is really 64--his face is kind of older looking but he still has an amazing body since he's very athletic.  Well he had asked out my friend who is 45 and is gorgeous--she didn't want to go anyway but then when she found out his age, she was like "Oh, that's disgusting."  The thing is that he asked out a woman even younger, who was in her 30's--she didn't go either, but does he get it?  NO, he'll probably keep asking out these very young women and not understanding why they wont' go.  The thing is that I like this guy too.  He doesn't seem his age, he's nice and he's good looking--he looks like Daniel Craig.  But I think he has this mindset that he automatically rejects any woman close to his age.  

I think speed dating would feel too much like a job interview.  Would you have to go in there with a prepared speech?  Like when you're on the interview and someone says "tell me about yourself" you have to say "well, I have worked here & there and have these qualifications."  What do you say "Hi, I'm Liz, I'm a lawyer and I like ballroom dancing."  To me, it's even worse than meeting someone in a bar cause at least in the bar, you'd have more time to talk & get to know each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 5:07pm

You know what Miss Manners would say?  If you don't want to go to something, just say "No"  IF you make an excuse it's like inviting the other person to argue with you about it, but if you just keep reiterating that you aren't going, there's not much they can say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 8:38pm

If you don't want to go, then by all means, don't.  There's really no excuse for pressuring someone, it's a fairly personal thing.

But I did want to stick up a bit for speed dating.  It's a good way in my opinion to meet interesting people (whether you want to date them or not) and practice making a good first impression.  Sure, sometimes it does feel like an 8 minute job interview, and sometimes it feels like 8 minutes you might spend chatting with a random person in line at the grocery store.  But sometimes it's 8 minutes spent figuring out if you might want to spend more time getting to know someone.  And although I've left speed dating with funny stories, or didn't meet anyone that I want to see again, I was usually happy I went.

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