Peer pressure!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Peer pressure!
14
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 9:42pm

There are several women in my building who have decided we should all go speed dating "just for fun". One of them told me she already signed me up (jokingly). I do NOT want to go speed dating!  I'm not comfortable making small talk with strangers. The truth is, I see it as a way to get rejected by a lot of people in a short period of time. Like online dating on steroids.  And I just really don't want to go. But that doesn't seem to be a good enough reason!  I'm not lacking in the male attention department right now, so it's not like I feel like I need to meet a huge amount of guys, most of which will probably be too old. 

I don't want to cave to peer pressure!  I'd much rather just go out somewhere and serve as a wing woman! 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 6:04pm

Hi,

I did the speed dating once and it was awful.  I think a lot of it had to do with being in Toronto and men expecting "career godesses"! (the expectations here are pretty high!)

It's kind of like OLD - people think it's the perfect "fix" for single people.

I wouldn't go......but don't alienate your friends - just say it's not for you and offer to meet up for drinks later (and you can hear all the bad stories about the men they met, without being subject to it!!) lol

Mel

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 12:53am

 A man who knows what he wants.  That is who he is and the courage to go for it.  And he will probably succeed.

chaika

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 03-10-2013 - 12:11pm

I think you should pick out the most annoying "character" you can, for instance:  whiny, clingy girl, type A alpha b*tch, crazy nympho, unsubtle gold digger, or octo mom with a brood of kids, and go as one of them.  Ha!  Then report back to us immediately.  You could even play a different role for each guy who rotates through.  

Seriously, I would take the unapologetic "No" approach which Music suggested.  

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 9:10pm
That's pretty much what I've said- that I have no interest in going. I just repeat myself over and over and over. I have to say, if they did happen to convince me in a moment of weakness (not likely- I'm pretty stubborn) I'd probably treat it just like you said- a job interview. I'd also probably go a little overboard, just to see what kind of responses I'd get from guys I have no interest in. I mean, what guy wouldn't love a woman who asks how many kids he wants in the first thirty seconds? I have an ornery streak that comes out on occasion!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 8:38pm

If you don't want to go, then by all means, don't.  There's really no excuse for pressuring someone, it's a fairly personal thing.

But I did want to stick up a bit for speed dating.  It's a good way in my opinion to meet interesting people (whether you want to date them or not) and practice making a good first impression.  Sure, sometimes it does feel like an 8 minute job interview, and sometimes it feels like 8 minutes you might spend chatting with a random person in line at the grocery store.  But sometimes it's 8 minutes spent figuring out if you might want to spend more time getting to know someone.  And although I've left speed dating with funny stories, or didn't meet anyone that I want to see again, I was usually happy I went.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 5:07pm

You know what Miss Manners would say?  If you don't want to go to something, just say "No"  IF you make an excuse it's like inviting the other person to argue with you about it, but if you just keep reiterating that you aren't going, there's not much they can say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 5:05pm

OH yes, certain men are delusional--can't you see a bunch of hot young women saying "wow, I really want to date someone who reminds me of grandpa."  lol  I found out from Facebook that a guy I dance with who I thought was in his 50's is really 64--his face is kind of older looking but he still has an amazing body since he's very athletic.  Well he had asked out my friend who is 45 and is gorgeous--she didn't want to go anyway but then when she found out his age, she was like "Oh, that's disgusting."  The thing is that he asked out a woman even younger, who was in her 30's--she didn't go either, but does he get it?  NO, he'll probably keep asking out these very young women and not understanding why they wont' go.  The thing is that I like this guy too.  He doesn't seem his age, he's nice and he's good looking--he looks like Daniel Craig.  But I think he has this mindset that he automatically rejects any woman close to his age.  

I think speed dating would feel too much like a job interview.  Would you have to go in there with a prepared speech?  Like when you're on the interview and someone says "tell me about yourself" you have to say "well, I have worked here & there and have these qualifications."  What do you say "Hi, I'm Liz, I'm a lawyer and I like ballroom dancing."  To me, it's even worse than meeting someone in a bar cause at least in the bar, you'd have more time to talk & get to know each other.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 4:49pm
Eeewww! If that doesn't turn off his real potential dates, I don't know what would. I honestly don't even know what sort of event they've found. The youngest person who's in on it is 25 and the oldest is 40, so the range of ages has to be quite wide. I'd probably end up with the 70 year old you mentioned chasing me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 2:48pm

Wish we had speed dating here....no such thing ever happening where I live. I would have gone! :-) But then again, it is because I never meet any single guys and it would be nice just meeting some.... No "male attention" here, I´m afraid. I hear you on the rejection thingy though, Shy.

Off topic: I just "saw" a man of 70 on an OLD site (not visiting me, he was new in the site and popped up in "New") who wanted "a delicious hot woman, as young as possible". Yucccchkkk! Made feel somewhat sick. Who do these men think they are?!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 03-09-2013 - 2:14pm

  i am with you on this I just would not show up.  I have done that to ditch a well meaning but dense friend who tried to set me up.  Worse many of these people don't ask about your taste they just assume.  Speed dating would put me at a disadvantage as it takes me awhile to warm to a person.

chaika

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