the perfect guy?
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| Mon, 10-08-2007 - 1:55pm |
Sometimes I feel like I am looking for the perfect guy. My friends say I'm too picky but I really don't think I am. Sometimes I do wonder. I am 24, I've had 2 somewhat serious rl. that lasted 1 yr and 2 yrs each. My last ex (the 1 yr rl.) cheated on me, and I tried to move on and forgive but I couldn't so we broke up. That was earlier this yr. I have gone on 3 dates since then, all diff. guys. I didn't feel a spark with 2 and the other 1 just flaked on me. I don't think that is bad, do you? My sister is always in a rl. and usually for a long time, she and I are roomates and she thinks it is not healthy for me to be so "picky". The thing is, I am picky about diff. things than she would be picky about. I don't care if a guy isn't that cute (I think John Mayer is the hottest thing, she likes Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom type), I don't care if he doesn't make a lot of money or treat me every date. She does. But I can't stand it when a guy talks down to me at all. A lot of guys do that here, it's like a southern mentality and I don't like it. My sis plays into it and thinks it's old fashioned or cute or something, but not me. I just want to be treated like I am a smart person, not a dumb girl. I like guys I can tell anything to, pretty much. My sis will lie about things and would die if her bf knew she had her period, sorry but if I am having sex with a guy (bf material) he is going to know that stuff, I am not embarased about it. Also I don't want a guy who has already been married and had kids. I want to be the guy's first time for that stuff (when I meet the right 1). I know 24 is not that young but it's not old either. Am I being too picky?
Jilly

Ok, first, 24 IS young. :) You don't need to be 'married off' or anything.
Second, you recently left a serious relationship. It can be good to play the field a little bit after that, and it's also good to give yourself time to heal. Maybe these guys weren't right because of timing, or maybe they just plain weren't right for you. Nothing wrong with that. At least you are out there and giving different guys a shot.
Oh, and if you're picky, then I am the queen of picky. I've probably been out with 20-30 guys in the past three years. Some passed on me, and I passed on a lot of them. I know what I want, and none of them have been it yet. Like you, what I want is not perfection or anything close to that --
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Thank you, that made me feel a lot better! I think it's awesome being roomates with my sis but she gets to me at times, because we are diff. ppl and she forgets that sometimes, she is the sweet type but she thinks everyone will b happy with something if she is happy with it. I just need to keep on doing my own thing and when I find a guy who makes me happy great! Thank you!
Jilly
Don't just dismiss a guy because you don't feel a spark, give him a few dates. It doesn't mean that you have to be exclusive, I certainly wouldn't expect it.
Relationships that begin like this (and almost every frivolous relationship does)
always end like this
I shouldnt of said "spark" because I didn't expect a fireworks (or rocket hehe) but I just mean, I have to at least feel like kissing the guy wouldnt be gross. I went out with 2 guys that after a little bit of talking with them I was less interested than when we met, I think that is a bad sign. That is what I was talking about, like u find the guy attractive and then you're on the date with him and he says a lot of things u don't like or he just becomes less attractive (personality wise not JUST looks but the 2 go hand in hand also). I guess the pt. I am trying to make is like, with my ex (of 2 yr rl.) I didn't think he was that cute at all when we met and we dated several times and I kept giving him a shot because I liked him a little bit more ea. time. That is how I am wired I guess. It should increase not decrease. I have never had like an instant spark thing.
Jilly
To me it sounds like you know what you are looking for in a relationship and there is nothing wrong with that. I believe that your 'pickiness' isn't shallow, you want to be treated with respect and be who you are and you want to be comfortable with your partner. You are looking for good qualities. I don't hear you wanting shallow things. I think that is great.
Many girls your age would do what your sister is doing and when she is ready to be who she is instead of who she thinks her partner wants her to be it will probably be too late!!! (I'm speaking from experience, as I'm not divorced due to the same ignorance). I'm now much more like you and I won't settle to be with someone who won't treat me with respect and love me for who and what I am. Noboby is perfect. Relationships are work, but when you have a good solid foundation, they can be much easier.
Kudos to you!! Be who you are, believe in what you want and stay strong!!
Amie
You are most definitely NOT too picky, at least from what you've told us.
Z
I haven't read the rest of the responses yet, but I don't think you're being too picky. If you not liking 2 out of 3 guys is picky then I must just be completely insane! Last summer I went out on dates with 50, yes 5-0 different guys. Out of those, I really liked 3. Only one of the 3 kept wanting to see me and he is my current bf. So no, you are not too picky at all.
When I think of a girl that is too picky I think of someone who will only date guys with blue eyes who work in marketing and wear a certain brand of clothes or something. Picky is having criteria that don't really matter (in my opinion).
Oh, we're just about the same age too. I'm 25 currently, but I was 24 when I went on my crazy dating spree. I also have two sisters that always seem to be in long term relationships, so I totally know where you are coming from. Don't give up on your standards or compromise your values though. Nothing you mentioned is unreasonable (you actually seem less picky than me, I get annoyed if the guy doesn't pay on the first few dates). :) Hang in there, you'll meet someone you like without having to compromise your standards.
Good luck!