Personality- YES! Looks- Uhhh???
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| Tue, 10-16-2007 - 3:27pm |
Question for everyone: Have you ever met someone that in the departments of personality, intellect, drive, goals and emotional availability was everything you were looking for but in the physical appearance dept. was just so-so? Or you weren't exactly turned on by them physically but not exactly repulsed?
Yep, you guessed it, that is where I am. This guy I've been seeing for all of 2 weeks is everything I've been looking for and seems crazy about me but I'm not sure if I'm really physically attracted to him. He's kinda cute at time, but others, I'm unsure. But I am, however attracted to the kind of warm-hearted, giving person he is and willing to give this a good try. It's just that he's picking up on it a bit and getting concerned. I explained why I was attracted to him and that I just need more time to warm up to him physically but I'm not sure how much time I'll need or that he'll give. He's a bit gung-ho and has really put all his eggs in my basket. But I think he's worth trying

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I think it takes time for women to warm up to men in general. I think when we're too hung up on appearances, we make mistakes and often let things develop too fast before the relationship is ready to progress to that point.
Two of the men I fell deeply in love with had everything I ever wanted when it came to personalalities. At first, I was not attracted to either of them. But that grew as I got to know them. Then I could not keep my hands off them.
So give this an actual chance. Just because you are not sure you're attracted doesn't mean that there is no hope for this guy. Looks fade over time, but it's the connection you have that keeps love alive.
Go for it and stop thinking about it too much. Would you forgive yourself if you did let this come between you and what you really wanted for your future?
I'd give it time. You mentioned that he's picking up on the vibe that you might not be attracted to him. Is he fishing for compliments? I've experienced that with a guy, and that gets old. I think women, as kcole said, need time to warm up to someone - and it's annoying to get pressure from a guy to say something or do something that makes him feel attractive. If you're still in that warming-up phase, you may not feel like giving him
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I think I may find myself having to deal with a similar situation soon. One of the guys from the BBQ I went to on Saturday was a blast and we got along great, but he wasn't my type looks-wise. For one thing, he's shorter than me. I'm not all that tall (5'7") and I get really self-conscious if I'm taller than a guy I date.
As for waiting for an attraction to develop.
Edited 10/16/2007 4:06 pm ET by sisfox
Thanks guys. This is all encouraging. Like I said before, I feel like he could really give me the type of relationship I desire but I feel bad that I'm not feeling it physically like he is and some of my friends are telling me to abort but I know that men like this don't come around often so I have to try and give it time.
I just hope he can be patient with me.
In my experience and opinion, friends don't always offer the best advice and can trip you up if you listen to them too much. Just just remember what you are really looking for, a serious relationship. How is it that you were so excited about him last week and now you're questioning it? What was it last week that didn't make you question how excited he made you feel?
You have got to give it a shot before you shoot it down.
Yes. There is a simple explanation for it. A basic economic principle - an abundance of supply reduces demand.
This guy is head over heels for you, shouting out your name from rooftops like you said. He is readily available and in 'abundance' without your having to do anything to get him. So you see little value in the guy. And since by nature we don't value what we don't earn, you are not all that crazy about him.
Now lets say the 'supply' were to tighten a little. The guy backed off, became a little aloof and started casually mixing with other women and mentioning other women to you, although still holding you as his primary romantic interest. With everything else remaining the same, you can bet your desire for him would increase. I have seen a few potential relationships die this way. One party shows excessive interest and devalues itself in the process resulting in the other moving on to someone else. Whether we realize it or not, either partner in a relationship is perceived as the other's 'possession' and people don't want to possess what people don't value.
If this guy was very attractive, this might make sense. But what it actually is is he's not my usual, physical type. I'm used to dating rather thin guys and he's a bit heavier with a huskier, jock-like build. He's also completely bald and overall has a rounder look that I'm not used to.
Personality-wise, however, I am very much into him.
I've had 3 dates with him in a little over a week. The first was AMAZING and I found him very cute. The 2nd was fun but he was dressed more casually and not as appealing. The 3rd, also fun but again, not as physically appealing and then (to make matters worse) I saw him at this bar he works at and he definitely did not look good there at all. So that concerned me a lot.
But we did have a great date last night where again, he looked better. I think because he's not my usual "type", I find him
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