Personality- YES! Looks- Uhhh???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Personality- YES! Looks- Uhhh???
37
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 3:27pm

Question for everyone: Have you ever met someone that in the departments of personality, intellect, drive, goals and emotional availability was everything you were looking for but in the physical appearance dept. was just so-so? Or you weren't exactly turned on by them physically but not exactly repulsed?


Yep, you guessed it, that is where I am. This guy I've been seeing for all of 2 weeks is everything I've been looking for and seems crazy about me but I'm not sure if I'm really physically attracted to him. He's kinda cute at time, but others, I'm unsure. But I am, however attracted to the kind of warm-hearted, giving person he is and willing to give this a good try. It's just that he's picking up on it a bit and getting concerned. I explained why I was attracted to him and that I just need more time to warm up to him physically but I'm not sure how much time I'll need or that he'll give. He's a bit gung-ho and has really put all his eggs in my basket. But I think he's worth trying

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 4:42pm
No, what I meant is I'm used to dating thinner guys. No gals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 4:44pm
Oh I see what you're reading now. I often use 'guys' to mean everyone. As in people. I didn't actually mean men. I've been doing that for years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 5:01pm

I know what you meant :) It began as an eastern thing but now it's gone mainstream - eg, a chick addressing a roomful of chicks with "hey you guys !"

The feminine gender is being replaced by the masculine, with the masculine becoming the new gender neutral. Eg 'actor'. All actors and actresses in Hollywood are now 'actors'.




Edited 10/16/2007 5:09 pm ET by capegirardeau
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 2:12am

Have you two gotten very physical yet, or have you been holding off because you're not feeling attracted? i had one

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 7:24am

So it's about how he dresses?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 9:14am

Have you two gotten very physical yet, or have you been holding off because you're not feeling attracted? i had one

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 9:19am

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 9:22am

I'm pretty much in the same position as you. I went on a few dates with a guy who is everything I'm looking for except in the looks category, however, one thing that is good is that he talks a lot about getting into shape and I see him as the kind of guy who if he loses some weight and builds muscle he'll look terrific. I think there are some guys out there in their 30s who are sort of I guess "fixer uppers," so to speak-- they've been single for a while and have given up on their looks maybe but once they find a wonderful, good-looking woman they'll jump back on the treadmill, especially if she nudges him towards it.

So maybe with this guy you can encourage him to be the best he can be. I've often been told that a good relationship brings out the best in both people, so maybe you can push him towards being the best he can be in the physical category. Maybe if he needs to lose weight, talk about how much you like to work out and eat right. Maybe he needs to improve his diet, so when you go out, say that you're trying to avoid dessert and see if he wants to join you in the effort to stay thin/lose weight.

I think there are a lot of men out there with good potential, they just need a little guidance. That's why so many of those talk shows do makeover shows. There was a guy I was friends with in high school who didn't always wear the most flattering clothes but when he cleaned up it was like, holy s^%t, Jack really looks good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 11:55am

I'm at an age where through life I have learned tha personality is so much more important than looks. And I agree that I can see a hot guy who has no personality and it's a turn off, and I average or below average guy can increase his 'looks' with a great personality.


Also looks change as we get older or life goes on. Personality is pretty much embedded in us and won't change that much!


Amie

Amie


We are the architects of our own character~unsknown

Amie Choiniere Office Manager~Mom~Domestic Goddess~Student~Wine Lover~Girlfriend~Gardener~Decorator~Vinyl Wall Lettering Queen!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 11:57am
'..We've kissed and tried to makeout a little but I wasn't really able to get into it much and ended up breaking away from it a bit. But we do kiss. I'm just not feeling much sparks from it.'

This is only from my own experience and in my humble opinion: when you cannot 'get into' kissing and making out with someone, it is simple - you haven't got a trace of physical attraction to the man in question and any attempts to force yourself to fancy him will fail