Perspective #1: Self Worth Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Perspective #1: Self Worth Issues
2
Sat, 12-10-2011 - 9:41pm

Just got off the phone with one of my best guy friends.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 1:08am
Mr. Smith fits that description doesn't he? Your preference of financially successful, confident men, who are intellectually smart, verbally asute seems to point to a lifestyle that makes men like that unavailable because of their high powered life, lack of relationship time, emotionally shallow because of their intellectual focus, and distracted by their business(es) and next big thing.

Good for you for noticing the origins of your epiphany. I just went through as process of defining my Core Gift (see http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/finding-love/201109/how-your-greatest-insecurities-reveal-your-deepest-gifts) and realized they came from my Mother and Father. My Mother's lack of self confidence and my Father's lack of joy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2010
Sat, 12-10-2011 - 11:25pm
I used to pick emotionally unavailable men too and I found out it was due a childhood trauma. You just described the classic symptoms of abandonment issues. No worries though because you can change it! I was able to through therapy. I realized I was bending and contorting myself to seek their approval insteading of asking, "is this what I want and need and am I getting what I want and need?" I wasn't honoring myself and was bending to meet their needs instead and if they approved it meant they loved me. Crazy huh? Once I figured that out, emotionally unavailable men stopped showing up on my radar...lol.

It's kind of like a karma thing ... a person attracts people that mirror how they are feeling inside. I don't know if this helps any.