Pessimist

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Pessimist
30
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:03pm
I had no idea that i am such a pessimist. On Saturday I stumbled upon a book called "Law of Attraction". The premise is that if we focus on positive things, we attract positive things, and vice versa. Well, I often see two sides in every thing; unadulterated bliss is hard to come by. When I told this to my cowoerk, she looked at me like, "Why are you like that?"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:14pm
Pessimism comes naturally to people. Optimism takes work. People are naturally drawn toward positive and optimistic people and away from doom and gloomers (of which there is no shortage btw). Why do you think Ronald Reagan won in 49 state landslides ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:16pm
That sounds a lot like "The Secret". I don't consider myself a pessimist, more a realist. But I just cannot abide by anyone telling a cancer patient that they're ill because they didn't put out enough good energy!
I think your view is more common sense - every silver lining has a cloud. I always think of Pandora - you have to take the good and the bad, otherwise, how do you know or appreciate the difference?

~Heather~

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 3:01pm

I agree!

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 3:40pm

I have a girlfriend who is blindly optimistic. I have learned to just keep my big trap shut. I hate to say it, but I just play along now. "Oh yeah, you slept with him within the first ten hours of meeting him and he got your number!? That's fantastic! I'm sure he'll call!"

AKT, I struggle with my pessimism too. The trick is to learn to keep it at bay when around others ; ) Nobody likes a Debbie Downer, or a Danny Downer for that matter! In some ways, I think it serves us well, as Shy eluded to, because I think it's less likely we'd be taken advantage of, but on the flip-side of that, I think pessimists can probably miss out on a lot of joy if they aren't careful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 4:09pm

If you want an exercise in pessimism (and horror) imagine this: You are inside a coffin buried alive (Edgar Allan Poe story "The Premature Burial"). Although you are alive and breathing, you can tell the oxygen supply in the air is fast dwindling and the air turning rank and humid. Your bodily movements are severely restricted but you are holding onto a faint glimmer of hope that if you scratched hard and long enough, you might be able tear a hole on the side of the oak coffin and crawl out- after which of course you will have to summon all bodily strength to lift 1000 lbs of dirt. Or at least if you kept screaming at the top of your lungs, someone would hear you and come to your rescue (assuming there are always people strolling around graveyards at the dead of night listening for sounds coming from underneath).

Now imagine that a miracle of miracles did occur. After you had been screaming yourself hoarse for 10 min while fighting to remain conscious, a gravedigger heard you and rescued you just in time. So now here you are for all practical purposes back from the dead , eager to begin the second chapter of your life. Would you ever be a pessimist again .. or complain about how everything in your life is so messed up? I don't mean specifically you, just chronic pessimists in general.

I call it the Graveyard Scenario. It's enough to put me back in a good mood :>




Edited 7/23/2007 4:31 pm ET by c2shiningc
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 4:17pm
Sorry! I just couldn't resist. I have asthma and would only make about two minutes or so! How's that for pessimism? But you are right, a little bit of 'but for the grace of god go I' appreciation can put things in perspective.
My most favorite quote is from Voltaire's Candide - it is always good to hope.

~Heather~

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 4:43pm

I agree--there's a huge difference between being a pessimist and being a realist.

I do agree that focusing on the positive is a good idea but be enough of a realist to give up and move on (or whatever is appropriate for the situation) if things aren't working out as you hoped. Being so much of an "optimist" that you don't see the bad that's under your nose is just as bad as being too much of a pessimist and not seeing the good.

As is so often the case in life, a balanced approach is key.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 4:48pm
Two minutes, ten minutes, same thing. Point is, anytime you feel you are in the dumps, imagine you could be down there as opposed to in the sunlight breathing fresh air.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 5:00pm

That scenario reminded me of a scene in Kill Bill with Uma Thurman.

I don't know if I would change after having a near death experience or not. I don't sit around stressing over problems, but it doesn't take much for me to focus on the negative aspect of anything. I think it's a learned behavior, my father is exactly the same way. Interestingly enough, my two siblings are, too. I don't consider us miserable, though. We're cognizant of it, it just takes work, as someone else here implied.

Have you seen the movie Being John Malkovich by Spike Jonze? I have often imagined how cool it would be to climb up into someone else's mind and see how life is on "the other side".

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 5:12pm
I have seen 'Being John Malkovich' but it was a while ago. Remember the story but not the details. John Malkovich and Gary Oldman are two very intense actors.

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