Pessimist

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Pessimist
30
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:03pm
I had no idea that i am such a pessimist. On Saturday I stumbled upon a book called "Law of Attraction". The premise is that if we focus on positive things, we attract positive things, and vice versa. Well, I often see two sides in every thing; unadulterated bliss is hard to come by. When I told this to my cowoerk, she looked at me like, "Why are you like that?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 8:37pm

It's ironic that you post something having to do with being at the brink of death to change your attitude about life. I had a boyfriend who 2 years ago survived a very rare type of cancer (for his age, 35 it was even rarer, on top of that he had the type which was curable with surgery (which accounted for less than 10% of the already rare cases, otherwise it was always fatal and usually in less than a year). I was with him when he got the news of the cancer and saw him break down all the way until he recovered fully from the major surgery and went right back to being himself, cynical and negative (also still scared of commitment).

As soon as he realized he was going to be okay he was the same person. I broke up with him a few months after he was fully recovered because I just could not respect someone who had no appreciation for the second chance that he was given. I don't mean that he had to go crazy with ambition or anything, but he literally was the same pessimistic person he always was, he was pessimistic about everything including relationships. My point is that, yes, some people are truly pessimistic and there is nothing that will change them. I was more affected by that experience than he ever was and I also learned the hard way that some people will never change and that you need to walk away before they start bringing you down too. Having a bad day or even a bad week or month is one thing, but having a bad attitude about life is something different. On the other hand, I know people who have experienced tremendous loss and are still generally positive people (myself included) so I have very little sympathy for people who always want to see the negative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 8:47pm
Yes there are those types. Some people will remain pessimistic even when inside their graves (while dead, that is)
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 11:08pm

I read this book, "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life" by Seligman.

The author is a psychologist and clinical researcher who has spent the majority of his life studying learned helplessness and optimism.

Excerpt of a posted review: "Dr. Seligman is a talented, amusing, and engaging writer who presents an extremely pursuasive review of his research into the effects of learned optimism on mood, performance, health, etc. Because his research includes areas as diverse as including health (showing greater breast cancer survival rates for those who are more optimistic), sales success (proving that optimistic salesman are more successful), and sports/politics (providing evidence that both sports teams and political candidates are more likely to win when optimism is increased), his methods are believable to even the most die-hard psychological skeptic."

I use to be proud of being a realist but from reading this book I found that I'd be better off by being optimistic. I am working on applying this.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:48am

I know I can be negative at times. It comes from my family & how I was raised. I have a saying "keep your expectations low so you don't get disappointed" I guess I am a realist. It's just that I get tired of people not coming through. It gets very old after awhile.

I try to be positive but when I am it seems my guard is let down & BOOM the rug got snagged right out from under me.

I've read, listened & watched the Secret also. Yeh I believe it but just because I am in a bad mood doesn't mean that accounts for something wrong to happen. Also I don't think all the Jews asked for what happenned to them based on them thinking on the same frequency.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:25am
I have to agree with you there. A lot of people become pessimistic or even nihilistic after they go through heinous experiences, such as the Holocaust. Life experiences have a huge impact on your outlook. I think if you can be an optimistic person after surviving a death camp than you are truly amazing and resilant person.
But I don't think that just because you're a realist doesn't automatically turn you into Eeyore or Syliva Plath, it just makes you more aware of the world, and in my mind that can make you more grateful for what you have.
PS - Good reading on a similar line is A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah - you can get at Starbucks. An amazing read.

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:48am
I'd break myself out Uma Thurman style. LOL


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:49am
LMAO - great minds think alike. I posted before I read yours.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 11:23am

I am a pessimist, a skeptic, a cynic - all of the above.

It is a learned behavior, it is a habit, and it is a form of protection (for me). If I don't expect too much then I am not disappointed.

(Although I will still be disappointed, thus it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - yeah, I know all this...)

It is much easier to be a pessimist and I admire those who can be optimistic and realistic at the same time. I work with such a woman - she always has a smile on her face even when something is going wrong, and it's not one of those fake, plastered-on smiles. I don't know how she does it. I wish I could figure it out.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:22pm
Hell yeah, forget the screaming! Kung fu is definitely the way to go!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:28pm
I don't think that I am the kind who sees doom every where. Rather, I am like always "fighting", thinking "Don't tell me this is all life has to offer me." Does any one understand what I am talking about?