Phone call vs. IM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Phone call vs. IM
6
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 8:19am

So I posted the other night about the boy I'm having issues with...I think it's safe to say that we are no longer dating because well, when I date someone, I like to see them, or at least hear from them on a regular basis and the last time I saw him (in a social setting) was about 2 weeks ago when we had sex for the first (and possibly only) time.

After my really rough day on Sunday, I thought about e-mailing him or calling him and confronting him on his behavior, but then decided "no, I'm not even going to go there....I'm going to be the bigger person". So I decided to call him yesterday, and I got his voicemail. I kept it short and sweet and just said "hey it's Rebecca, just calling to say hi and see how you're doing, give me a call back" and I even recited my phone number for good measure, ha.

Well, he popped online last night at about 10pm and IMd me right away, and we only chatted for about 5 minutes, he was up north this weekend, said "it's been a long couple of days" and he's going to the ball game tonight, and asked how I was doing, then says "well I think it's time I got some sleep" so I just told him to have fun with that and he said "for sure! talk to you later!" and I just said bye.

Apparently sending a quick IM (for him at least) takes the place of returning a phone call. Well, not in my book. It's obvious that this guy has too much on his plate right now and doesn't want to make dating a priority, so if he feels like contacting me and wants to see me, he can make an effort and actually pick up the phone. This is the part of technology I hate, we all have too many options, phone, e-mail, IM, text, when it used to just be if a guy wanted to talk to you, he would CALL YOU.

Arg.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 8:47am
Sounds like he just wanted some sex. Sounds like your better off cutting communication with him and finding someone else.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:29am

That frustrates me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 9:34am
I agree - though I have to admit that email is easier for me because 1) I can check it from work and am busy a lot of evenings and 2) I freakin' hate talking on the phone. I got a call from a man that I have been emailing with from Match on Sunday and it was really nice. I spoke with him for almost an hour which, for me, is extremely rare. But he asked lots of interesting questions and shared some of his experiences with me. I felt like he really has geniuine interest and his calling showed that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 08-08-2006 - 11:26am

>>This is the part of technology I hate, we all have too many options, phone, e-mail, IM, text, when it used to just be if a guy wanted to talk to you, he would CALL YOU.<<

I agree. Technology makes it way too easy to hide from emotions and difficult situations. It's very frustrating.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 1:13pm
I think that a guy who is truly interested in any girl will be diligent about communicating with her. IMs are too impersonal. Phone calls say so much more. The expression, the intonation, pauses or lack of, express a lot! If a guy is stuck at the IM stage, then it's easy for me to write hiim off. Any guy who wants to get to know me should make the effort to do what is normal --- like calling instead of IMing lol
Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Wed, 08-16-2006 - 6:59pm

That IMing things works more for people like me: the social misfits. I get nervous and irritated over talking on the phone. Most of my phonecalls are short and curt. I generall don't like either, though. I prefer replying in emails or forums to live chat, any day!

I admit though, there is one thing I hate about this new technology. It's making loneliness all too common. Even I, one who was always a misfit even as a toddler, had friends before the days of the Internet. Now I'm sinking into the new way of interaction...a poor substitute, indeed. But yet I need this "substitute" because I don't have any outside obligations. No job. No church. No club. Without this poor excuse for socializing, I'd be a recluse!

But it really sounds like this guy may not be THAT into you. Too many priorities, I think. And you're not one of them. Just a perk. If I were you, I'd just firmly yet politely break of the friendship...er...really, added baggage. But I wouldn't take just my word. OBVIOUSLY, I'm not all that great with relationships, to begin with.