Phone Time? (m)

Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Phone Time? (m)
Tue, 05-13-2003 - 11:26pm
What is it w/ college age boys and the phone? Why

is it that so many of them have issues w/ the

telephone? And I'm not just talking about what a

lot of girls wonder about: "why does a guy say he'll

call and then he doesn't?" ... that's not my situation.

Why are *so* many guys at this age seemingly "terrified"

of talking on the phone?? My guy friends DESPISE talking

on the phone and when I ask them why, they just say, "I

dunno... I just don't like it. It's easier to talk online

or something." Most of my friends *are* guys and my roommate

and I have even realized that even when you call a friend

to get back to you about something (be it a phone #, etc)

they typically don't do it in the same time fashion as a girl

typically would (i.e. the guy will call in a few days whereas

the girl typically calls back w/in a few hrs).

I can understand guys not wanting to talk for *hrs* on the

phone. Quite often, I don't even enjoy talking on the phone

for a long amt of time. I'd rather relate to ppl face to face.

That's my preference. However, there *are* situations where it

is kind of imperitive to use the phone... i.e. if you're trying

to get in touch w/ someone who does not live w/ or near you

and does not go to your school or work at your place of


I was just curious as to if any guys - college age (or any age I

guess) - would have a better explanation why the phone seems to

pose such a threat for so many guys at this age. Like I said, we've

seen it w/ guy friends (friends and nothing more) and then there

are other situations like I'm in right now: I met a guy 2 wks ago.

He is from my best friend's (my roommate) hometown and has been one

of her best friends since childhood (so he's not a skeevy, random

guy) and we got along great. Had an instant connection, great spark,

obviously both attracted to each other on what we saw on the outside

and got to know on the inside. He is EXTREMELY shy. We were supp to

see e/o again after we'd met and hung out, but that ended up not wkg

out b/c the thing we were going to go to ended up getting cancelled

and then my friends went to a diff place than he and his friends,

blah blah blah. When we *had* hung out, my friend and I had to leave

suddenly so we didn't have an op to exchange #s even though we'd

both made it clear we did enjoy spending time together and would like

to hang out again & get to know e/o better. After I heard that he had

been talking about how much fun he had w/ me and how he was interested

in knowing me better, I took the initiative, got his # from a mutual

friend and gave him a call exactly a week later. I got his voicemail

and left him a msg. He still hasn't called back. I figured that I can

take a hint and that he's not as interested as he said he was.. that

or he's just even more shy than I thought. I come to find out from

other mutual friends who were asking him about me that he still is

very interested and pleased w/ me. So I'm wondering... why not just

call me back already?! He knows I might be in his town again in a

few days and he has said he would like to see me.

I know of 2 or 3 other mutual friends we share that have tried to

reach him for the past week (not about he and I, for their own

reasons) and he hasn't called them back either.

If you're never going to use your cell, why have one?? lol

Sorry... sorta turned into a rant but if any guys can explain

why the phone makes them so repulsed, fill me in! :op

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: secrets86
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 10:04am
they're not terrified.

they'd just rather watch sports.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: secrets86
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 4:24pm
Not a guy...but it comes down to this.

Over the phone - a guy can't "get what he wants" - neither can a girl for that matter.

If the guy is wanting to get to know you - over the phone is the LAST way a rational person does it. There's no reality to compare what they say against what they do over the phone.

The phone is a way to conduct business - to ask you out, to get a question answered about a car part, to receive the estimate on the flat tire. That is ALL a phone is for.

Girls call a guy right back for the obvious reason...they think "oh, maybe he wants a date, I hope he hasn't already moved on." Girl that are really secure don't call back a guy right away- unless they're one of the people that wuld call ANY person back right away that called them first with a question, an offer, etc. etc. etc.

Guys don't call a girl back right away....because the phone is the way to conduct business and they've probably moved on to other business (not other girls) and they're not so all fired concerned with a date or a relationship when underneath the car changing out an o-ring and gasket.

This 'on-line' talking....I can see why some people (not just guys) like that. First, easy to get off the line when you're done even if they're not done, it's easy to misrepresent yourself and your intentions or goals, it's easy to avoid confrontation - and you can easily have 2-3-4 conversations going at once and maximizing your potential options and opportunities.

But guys aren't going to sit on the phone forever talking about any and every little thing. They're not interested in details the way girls are.....about some things. They're definitely not interested in pursuing "a relationship on the phone" - there's no flirtation, physical proximity, physical intimacy or the ability to enjoy her bubbly personality and beautiful face that way.

In short, when a girl is interested in a guy and the age is about pre-25...the girl wants as much interaction in any venue that she can get with the guy. She believes that keeps him interested, intrigued and it keeps him unavailable to be pursued or chased or caught by others. Pre-25, guys aren't looking for as much interaction with just one girl as they can get via any venue...they're interested in person to person interaction with girls because they don't consider the girls "business to conduct on the phone" and they don't believe tying up her time in any venue is going to keep her available to them. They're not generally as interested in trying to "tie up a relationship".


Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: secrets86
Wed, 05-14-2003 - 11:31pm
Those are good points... I never even really thought

of it like that, but it does make sense (that the

phone to guys is more like a business thing, a quick

thing). Really makes perfect sense actually and I def.

wouldn't doubt if it is the actual case.

Thanks for the new perspective for looking at it! :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: secrets86
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 6:08pm
Funny thing that you should had this topic.

It really is a guy thing.

I just finished reading a few books from John Gray (The Men From Mars, Women From Venus) that was recommeded by a guy friend.

Now, I have a guy I went to High School with and graduated in 1991. All of a sudden I get an e-mail from him after 12 years as he saw my profile on

We went out the next day even though we have a 1 1/2 hour distance (mostly traffic issues).

Even though it would have been just as easy for him to pick up the phone after the first date, I get a message from ICQ saying he had a good time the next day.

Every night after that we communicate through ICQ.

Thursday he finally calls me.

Now, right now we are seeing each other when time permits (which isn't often).

He told me (without me asking) that he isn't good on the phone and doesn't feel like he can give me a 100% on the phone where he can do that online or in person.

Men are not comfortable on the phone.

One of the things I learned from the book and this is true.

Women can just talk and talk about anything without reason.

Men need some of a reason to talk on the phone.

Where I tend to get back that same night or next day after a message he waits a couple of days.

Avatar for secrets86
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: secrets86
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 9:21pm
I think it's so interesting how the 2 genders

can differ so much on such a simple thing!

It definitely all makes sense though.