A plan but will it work!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
A plan but will it work!
4
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 12:10am
I woke up last year a 30 y/o single woman who spent most of her youth in 2 long term relationships (6 yrs) I started dating when I was 22. I had few rebound guys in between.
I looked at my dating life and realized I never kissed a guy outside a relationship context. let alone getting intimate with someone.
I feel this whole inexperience thing is making me weak and forcing me to stick around when I know there is no hope in the relationship! so I kind of came to the conclusion that I need to be out with more guys get intimate for a couple of weeks and drop it and move on to the next one. I feel this will make me stronger when/if I m in a relationship because I will realize that simply because I m physically attracted to the person means nothing else.
I ve been wih a really bad guy for 4 yrs then we broke up (he wanted) and so I moved on to meet my next guy 2 yrs later he was the exact opposite v. caring and respectful and sweet guy. But still things did not work he got into depression and had spending issues... and we broke up ( I wanted it for so long but never dared to take the decision so I waited for him to decide!!)
so I would like to know if you guys agree that being experienced kind of make u capable of moving on easier if things did not work.
The only problem is to find this many guys that are decent enough to be with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 6:44am

juliara2003,

>I need to be out with more guys get intimate
>for a couple of weeks and drop it and move on
>to the next one.

What you are planning to do is practice breaking up after sex. I'm sure there are many men who would be happy to oblige.

>I feel this will make me stronger when/if I m
>in a relationship because I will realize that
>simply because I m physically attracted to the
>person means nothing else.

I think the way to overcome this is to do the exact opposite of what you are suggesting. Don't get intimate until you feel the attraction is more than just physical.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 10:19am

I think that what you're searching for is the ability to end a relationship when you know it's not working, and I think simply listening to your gut will do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 4:58pm

I would like to know if you guys agree that being experienced kind of make u capable of moving on easier if things did not work.

I can whole-heartedly say being "experienced" with sleeping with men and dropping them does NOT make it easier to move on after a relationship!

Unfortunately that will probably just create unhealthy habits to sex! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Sat, 10-15-2005 - 5:33pm
I so much disagree with your plan. Not only will you end up hurting yourself but you may also end up hurting some poor guy who comes into a relationship with you not knowing about your intentions. That's very unfair! I think you should do the opposite of your plan. When you get into relationship (I don't know when you become intimate when you are in a relationship) relax and have fun while getting to know the person. Let the intimacy wait for awhile. Some how, I do understand why you came out with this plan. You've been in long term relationships. The problem is, you don't know when to move on when things are bad. You don't know when to call it a quit. You are not going to get the strength to do that by just dating random people and dumping them for no apparent reason. It won't be the same. Now, on the other hand, if you date the person and realize things ain't going well and you manage to face that fact and end things, then probably, you will start gaining some strength. I don't know why it's hard for you to end things even when you know that there's no hope. It could be that you are afraid of being alone, or hurting the other person. While both may be true, it can hinder your happiness if you stay in the relationship. Just take some time to yourself and deep down, find out why it's so hard for you to end things. When you identify the reason, then you can work on how to tackle the reason. Whatever you do, don't break innocents heart just for practice. Beside, did you think about what will happen when you find somebody and instead of dumping them according to your plan, you fall in love with them??