Planning my birthday party

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Planning my birthday party
10
Wed, 08-06-2014 - 10:58am

I have my group of single girlfriends and coincidentally a lot of us have summer birthdays so we have been getting together and going out for dinner and usually dancing for everyone's BD.  Well mine is on 8/12 and I decided I wanted to go to this restaurant that's on the waterfront--on Sunday afternoons they have an oldies band outdoors and dancing.  So last night I was at dance class and also invited 2 of the guys--one of them is "M,"--I have known him for about 3 yrs and used to have a crush on him, but after I figured out that was going nowhere, I really got over it, although we are still friends.  He said he would come, but 1) he works at a boat repair place and is usually very busy in the summer and 2) he often says he will go to things (I think just cause he doesnt' want to say no to people and then doesn't show up, so you never can really count on him.

Then there is the other guy "J."  When we were out 2 weeks ago on Sat.,for another friend's BD, he just happened to be in the same place so he ended up hanging out with us and dancing.  I was talking about him with a couple of friends and I thought one friend might be interested in him but she said no and told me to go for it with him.  I am not really that physically attracted to him though--he is older than me (although I don't know how old, but I'm guesssing 10 yrs older) and he's in good physical shape but he is not good looking, so I don't know.  However, he is a nice guy so I won't rule him out.  Not to mention that I think he is quite well off, so I wouldn't mind getting taken out to dinner--he owns a restaurant, an antique store and some real estate--that's what he considers being "retired." 

So I know that whether the guys come or not, we will still have a good time--usually we just have so many more women.  At one friend's BD dinner (which I thought was supposed to be a girl's night out) the BD girl invited her BF--so it was like 10 women and one BF--he didn't seem to mind though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 08-06-2014 - 4:55pm

I am not sure where men go anymore because when I go to meet ups or go out there are as we know way more single women .. The ratio of men to women nowadays seems to be very low.

Where are the men going and are they doing anything at all????  So I would think it would be tough to get men to go to your party to anywhere for that matter.................maybe they are shy or embarrassed to  go out to a meet up group or they just like staying home.

I actually think that is why men and women are so uneven these days out in the real world.. Men just dont do all that much or go out alone .. so good luck in trying to get men to your party.............

Happy Birthday and have fun anyway.............heck invite the neighbors who have single men friends LOL...

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Thu, 08-07-2014 - 9:55am
I don't really see dancing as an activity where lots of men would flock. I think that's probably why there aren't a lot of them. I don't see them doing meet ups, either, unless they're the antisocial type who has decided to try to change. If you want to meet men, you've gotta go where they go to hang out with other men. That usually means bars or sporting events. I personally see lots of older men out when I go. They're usually with a friend and they leave by 10pm or so. Music- I'm sure your birthday will be great, men or not. They just complicate things anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-07-2014 - 2:11pm

As far as dancing goes, it depends on what type of dancing.  It has been my experience from going out dancing almost every weekend for the past couple of years, that ballroom (which is what I started taking up) has fewer single men--I think that a lot of women drag their spouses to that.  The few single men tend to be kind of old.  I have seen very few men at ballroom that I wanted to get to know.  Swing has more single men and I've been surprised to see that even college kids are starting to get into it--MIT has swing lessons on campus (I only mention that because I'm in MA and you don't think of all these people who are focused on doing science and engineering dancing).  The most men and the best looking are at salsa--there are TONS of single men and it attracts young people but there are some my age too.

As far as bars go, I think it depends on the type of bar.  There is a place that we go to in the suburbs often--it's a Chinese restaurant that has a lounge that happens to have really good bands on the weekends--I hardly ever see any single men there, which is odd.  There's another kind of dive bar across the street from the beach that also has good bands and my friend met her new BF there.  The crowd there kind of varies.  I bet if I found an more upscale bar that a lot of businessmen went to after work, that might be good, but I'd bet that it's mostly the young guys who are going to happy hour.  I have no interest in going to a bar where people just go to drink--like no music or music and no dancing.  Karaoke would be fine, or a trivia night or even playing pool, but I can't imagine how boring it would be to just hang out at a bar and drink and try to chat up strangers.  And if a guy is so old that he has to go home at 10:00 pm, he's not for me!  Most of the time, dances don't even start until 9:00 and go til 12:00.

Everyone says that sporting events are a good place to meet men, but I have not found that to be the case.  I have been to pro baseball and football games and never once even talked to a man--it depends who you sit next to, I guess.  Otherwise, how do you start up a conversation?  In the line to get food or drinks?  Maybe at a minor league baseball game, people aren't concentrating so much on the game.  Or maybe a sports bar might be better.  As far as meetup groups, I also think that it's the type of group that matters.  I used to be in a dining out group and there were hardly any men, which surprised all the women cause of course men have to eat and you assume they don't want to cook for themselves.  I was in a single parents group and there were a lot of men--they used to have a lot of fun events and some of them were with kids (which I never went to) and some just adults, but they would also do a lot of things that appealed to guys like camping, some kind of athletic things, but they also went out to bars and such.  A friend of mine who is very sporty and would join groups like biking and hiking said that was a good place to meet guys, but I am not athletic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 08-08-2014 - 8:40am

well first off I would love to go to sporting events but I dont know many people who would go plus the tickets are so outrageously priced these days.............In the past I have been to sporting events and yeah; how does someone approach someone else? i read that Fran Drescher (the nanny) would carry personal i.d. cards with her name on it and phone number and when she ran into a guy that she liked she would give him her card.......and waited to see if he called....

As I learn and grow spiritually and age I think lately that if its meant to be someone will just show up somewhere in some venue or even come knocking on the door if that is how its supposed to be........ I am still okay with the online dating sites because its a venue for the older crowd................

I have done a ton of dancing in the past and never met anyone except one guy at a club years ago who was a total flake but we hung out and had some fun.. Never got intmate cause I thought he was a dog but we did have some fun.. we did this for a few weeeks......Other than that never met anyone over the years at dances or clubs or bars..............

Oh; I am def. not into the bar scene anymore............ I might do some karoke or go to a outdoor patio type thing and dance but never really see any men who are interested in me.. they are too busy looking at the women who look like hookers and the younger women...........Oh; but remember that guy i met last year at the outdoor club where there was music and dancing? The motorcycle guy who just wanted a one night stand? that is what seems to be in clubs these days..........

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 08-08-2014 - 11:05am
That's the difference between going to a "club" and going to a neighborhood/smaller bar. Think Cheers. You're always going to find flakes and jerks anywhere you go. Even the grocery store. Even church. I personally don't like going out just to drink and talk either. That's why I like karaoke. I'm doing something/listening all the time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-08-2014 - 11:09am

I used to do karaoke years ago--I wouldn't mind finding a place to go & do it again just for a fun night.  I love to sing.  The closest place to my house that has it is a Chinese restaurant that has it on Fri. & Sat. nights--it is filled with kids in their 20's and since it's close to my house, I have run into kids who went to schoool with my DD--so definitely have to find another place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Fri, 08-08-2014 - 3:13pm

Sports events... I will continue to watch hockey this season as well. Noone (men or women) ever said as much as hi to me even though I was alone and had the same seat everytime, but nevertheless.... Maybe I seemed unapproachable? *not a very satisfying thought* I love hockey and this team. No season ticket this time though (unless I get the same good offer as last year), but I will still go to many games. However, it will not be in that area without that season ticket and that might be a good thing.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 08-08-2014 - 9:37pm

I mean, would it be weird to invite a few guys, and explain that there will be a lot a women there and to please bring a male friend or two with them to the party?  I saw on a reality show once where a girl actually threw herself a bday party and in lieu of gifts, asked each of her guests to bring a possible suitor for her.  I thought it was brilliant, but then again, very bold.  You'd almost have to be a very outgoing person to be able to pull that off.  

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 08-10-2014 - 11:09am

Great idea about asking your friends to find a suitor to bring to the party...but none of my girlfriends knows anyone they could fix me up with--otherwise, they would have done it a long time ago!

I'm wondering if the "reality" show hired actors to be the "suitors." 

Not trying to be negative here. Maybe other women have girlfriends who know a lot of available/desireable guys. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-11-2014 - 2:15pm

My friends & I had a similar idea but on a smaller scale--we figured that if we met anyone (that the other friends didn't know) and didn't like the guy, we would try to figure out which one of our friends might like him.  So there was one time that one friend knew this guy and only liked him as a friend so she told him that she had a woman friend that she thought he might like and really talked her up and the guy was all for it.  there was a plan to bring him to a dance--well, that night he had all kinds of excuses for not going and he wanted to change the plans to make it another day, so the woman who arranged it got fed up and it didn't happen.  But the idea is good if you can find the right person.  Generally my friends don't know a bunch of single men that they could bring to a party--there is a definite shortage.