A "player" or not a "player"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2006
A "player" or not a "player"?
14
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 3:22pm

Ugh...I love men, but they drive me insane sometimes.

I got out of a pretty bad LTR a few months back and I decided to do something out of the ordinary (for me, anyway) and I signed up on an online site. Needless to say, I wasn't really impressed with most of the guys there, but I did start emailing this one guy I was attracted to and we went out on Saturday night.

The date was fantastic - there was a ton of chemistry, there was some amazing eye contact, we joked, he would find excuses to touch me (in a gentlemanly way, of course) and we both had a lot of fun. We spent a little over 6 hours together and when the date ended, he seemed a bit nervous when he asked me if I would like to go out again (I said "yes") and he gave me a hug. However, we kept talking and he got the nerve up to kiss me on the lips and that progressed to making out a bit. It was a really nice date and I genuinely was hoping to see him again.

Maybe I did a dumb thing, but I sent him a **very** short and sweet email last night telling him that I had a good time. (That was it - no chit chat.) As a friend of mine said, "If he's into you, he'll appreciate the email and if he's a player it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway." I was a bit skeptical of sending the email because it could be construed as desperation, but the general consensus of my friends was that it would be fine.

While I'm not worried that he hasn't responded to my email yet, I am a bit concerned because I can see that he has logged onto that dating site frequently since our date. And, yes, I fully realize that one date does not mean that we have anything, but I wonder if I am dealing with a "player" here. If a guy is really into you and has every intention of taking you out again, why would he still be searching around an online dating site? Is the general message here that; "he's just not that into you"?

Grrrr - I'm an attractive, successful, rational and stable woman, but this situation makes me feel totally out of control.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 11:49pm

I understand that, but conversely, him appearing to want to date other people doesn't make him a "player", either. And I do think it's smart to not commit to dating exclusively until you've dated someone for a while, but I do appreciate that not everyone is comfortable with that approach. I'm dealing with that right now in fact, as I said in my post!

But as to your last paragraph...I don't agree that it's "human nature" to be upset about people dating others while they are getting to know each other (I mean, I'm human, and it doesn't upset me ;-))...it might be in some people's nature, but not everyone's.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 1:09pm
I agree. But it may be just a simple case of mismatched expectations and experience. He could be meeting many high quality women online whereas barbelo is being bombarded by freaks. If she were meeting more high quality men online maybe she wouldn’t be thinking of exclusivity yet either...?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2006
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 5:20pm

::If she were meeting more high quality men online maybe she wouldn’t be thinking of exclusivity yet either...?::

That could be part of it. However, I dated a *lot* and with great frequency (perhaps a bit too much? LOL! I would be juggling 5 or 6 guys at once) in my early 20's and, honestly, it left me feeling a bit empty. It wasn't too much fun, it was frustrating and it got to be very boring. Now, I know that some folks absolutely *love* dating - I don't know if I'm one of them. After that "phase" in my early 20's, I've kind of went from one LTR to another LTR.

Seriously, I don't think I'm God's gift or Helen of Troy - but, I wonder if I may be a bit too picky to have much fun in the OLD scene. There is sure to be a diamond in the rough, but a girl can only read too many "UR sex sea" or "i want a freends with benefets" before she starts to feel like there's no hope. I was very blunt in my profile and I specifically said that intelligence is extremely important to me. Of course, attraction is also a big factor...

Hey *may* be meeting high quality women, but I didn't get that impression. I know he's saving up money to start a business, he has a young son and work takes up a lot of time. He told me he wasn't having much luck with OLD - but, he could have been shining me on, so I really don't know.

Regardless, I am feeling much better about the whole situation and I guess it just wasn't meant to be for whatever reason. He did not respond to the email from Monday and I haven't heard anything else, so I guess this goes in the; "he's just not that into you"-file. :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 5:02pm
I guess you just have to control your "emotions"!! I do know how you feel because I've been there too! We hope we can "control" someone's mine to let them like us when we like them! LOL However, in the reality, it doesn't matter how much we like a guy, it wouldn't make them like us back. We need to accept this fact!! So lighten up, if he contacts you again, go out, have great time, don't think too much! If not, then move on, it's not the one for you.......

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