Playing Hard to Get

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Playing Hard to Get
17
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 12:02pm

This is the third time I've tried to post this!  Hopefully it'll work this time!

I thought this was interesting.  Not necessarily the conclusion of the article, but some of the findings inside.  Like how men play hard to get by pretending to be uninterested, and women pretend to be unavailable.  I personally don't think I ever try to play hard to get, but I wonder if keeping busy gives the illusion that I am. 

Hoping the link will post in the body, and not in the subject line this time!

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/study-playing-hard-actually-works-190600756.html;_ylt=ApdHNSerqsAGoq1bPiEKTmCBbqU5;_ylu=X3oDMTQ2NmhocXRyBG1pdANNZWdhdHJvbiBMb3ZlIGFuZCBTZXggQ2hhbm5lbARwa2cDZjM4NDAyMDktMmU3Mi0zZmJkLWE3OTAtZGJmYzc0MDAzMTIzBHBvcwMxBHNlYwNtZWdhdHJvbgR2ZXIDMzc4OGYwYWQtNGFkZi0xMWUyLWI3MmYtMTA2ZjJhZTgzNmMz;_ylg=X3oDMTFtZW9qamM2BGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDBHBzdGNhdANsb3ZlK3NleARwdANzZWN0aW9ucw--;_ylv=3

Geez...why do the links have to be so long?!

 

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 1:36pm

I prefer to think that "playing hard to get" should be more like "not acting overly eager." Martha Beck once said in an article (I'll paraphrase) that instead of acting like you're busy, why not just have a life and actually be busy.

I think both sexes can ruin things by becoming too eager to get together all the time (at first), of calling too much, of wanting to get things moving so fast. Or, of just not having enough of a life, of being desperate, of waiting for someone to fill up their life. 

I'm not sure I've experienced the "I'm available, but not interested" tactic. The other thing is that they tested college-aged students (which seems to be so common) so I wonder how all of this plays out with older folks?

I never played "hard to get" with a guy. Last year, a guy I really wanted to go out with did ask me out (Last minute I might add). Sadly, I already had plans. I considered for a split second cancelling the plans I had made, but then thought, "No, he can't expect me to drop everything at the last minute." But I really, really wanted to. Surprise: he asked me out again two weeks later and we did go out. But then, he never asked me again after that. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 2:10pm
  • That's got to be the hardest thing for me to do. I'm by nature miss straight-shooter and wears my emotions on my sleeve. In contrast I have a gf who wouldn't give a guy a time of day if he at much as has his (thinning) hair out of place. I have a lot more going for me but I'm shy. She on the other hand hardly works a day in her life and lives off men. How she's able to do that? She's outgoing, always going out by herself, striking up conversations left and right and luckily always manages to be friendly to available men. Me, OTH, meet only married or gay men. 

My conclusion, she is hard to get b/c she doesn't give a damn. She never feels the need to call a man. She has a good time always with or without a man. She has other issues but that doesn't show up until after you know her well (but that's for later and determines the logevity of the R/S). But if we're talking about attracting men, she really has it down.

I think it has a lot to do with one's emotional make-up. Despite my accomplishments in life, I feel emotionally-needy. she's not. I can have a life as long as I'm not really into someone. But when I have someone I really like then everything else gets tossed to the side. I actually don't get turned off by a guy that is attentive to me. The only thing that would turn me off is if he expects me to be with him all the time.  I do like a little bit of me time or time with my gf's. Say, maybe 70/30.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 6:23pm

  The article was way too brief.  I think that it was boiled down.  I myself do not chase.  It is to me a waste of time and money.  I have a lot of other interests so if x is playing hard to get I probably won't notice.  Open friendly or point blank works best with me.  But I don't assume that being nice is anything more than being polite. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 9:28pm
I've never been a fan of playing hard to get, but that article did explain why guys I'm interested in seem so annoyed when I'm not available all the time. They probably think I'm making that up just to play hard to get, when I'm really not. I do have other things to do and I have no problem being specific about what. My attempts to spend my free time, of which is plentiful, with them (when realistically I could be doing so many other things) doesn't seem to be enough either.
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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 10:14pm

One has to have some game, come on.  Of course this works!   If you are clever enough, the guy doesn't even know what's hit him, just make sure you know when to stop.  If you keep them guessing too long, it eventually becomes just a game and nothing more.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 11:30pm
Define "clever enough" because I seem to have no happy medium! Inside, I want to hear from him, but I never let on that I do. I've been told I'm aloof and don't seem interested enough. I've never been good at games!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 2:08am
I just don't get why we have to bother with games. Why can't we just say what we mean and be upfront about what we want? That way everything is on the table and no one wastes their time.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 9:40am

Ladybookworm, I agree!   I don't play games, but I do have a pretty busy schedule.  I have been told by guys that it seems as if I don't have time for a relationship in my life - but if I had a relationship I would make the time.  I am not playing hard to get, but I am also not always available at a moment's notice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 10:48am
The key world is "playing." I think there is a lot to be said for taking the time to get to know someone and seeing if they really are someone you want to be with. Some people get turned on by snobs or coldfish as weird as that sounds, but pretending to be distant, then becomes playing a game if that's not who you really are. So an emotional person who acts distant just to date someone is going to come off as fake once that game is over. That will not go well.
I always think of it like actors - Tom Cruise can do really well in his endless roles as an arrogant SOB, because that's not a stretch from his regular self. Rob Schneider could never regularly pull that role off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 10:58am

I like what Florida said although I cant remember word for word what it was.

I do think men like the chase and they are def. hunters.. If a guy is interested then he will pursue and if the woman likes him then they get together. I do also know that men do like it when a woman has her own life. I have experienced this many times. When a guy knows that I have a life he is more apt to consider me as a partner.. Its just the way men are..

Personally I dont think playing hard to get is a positive thing especially for the adult crowd.. Just have a life and if someone comes along and wants to compliment or share your life then great and if not they move on..

Hard to get reminds of when I was a teenager and the boy next door liked me and I snubbed him and he kept chasing me but never was able to get me.. that to me is hard to get.. right now I am way too old for these types of games.. (lol)

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