Playing Hard to Get

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Playing Hard to Get
17
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 12:02pm

This is the third time I've tried to post this!  Hopefully it'll work this time!

I thought this was interesting.  Not necessarily the conclusion of the article, but some of the findings inside.  Like how men play hard to get by pretending to be uninterested, and women pretend to be unavailable.  I personally don't think I ever try to play hard to get, but I wonder if keeping busy gives the illusion that I am. 

Hoping the link will post in the body, and not in the subject line this time!

http://shine.yahoo.com/love-sex/study-playing-hard-actually-works-190600756.html;_ylt=ApdHNSerqsAGoq1bPiEKTmCBbqU5;_ylu=X3oDMTQ2NmhocXRyBG1pdANNZWdhdHJvbiBMb3ZlIGFuZCBTZXggQ2hhbm5lbARwa2cDZjM4NDAyMDktMmU3Mi0zZmJkLWE3OTAtZGJmYzc0MDAzMTIzBHBvcwMxBHNlYwNtZWdhdHJvbgR2ZXIDMzc4OGYwYWQtNGFkZi0xMWUyLWI3MmYtMTA2ZjJhZTgzNmMz;_ylg=X3oDMTFtZW9qamM2BGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDBHBzdGNhdANsb3ZlK3NleARwdANzZWN0aW9ucw--;_ylv=3

Geez...why do the links have to be so long?!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 8:38pm

Rubysat,

You said it yourself in the post above. That you "don't think he is there too often and it has after all been Christmas". I would wait until after the holidays and see maybe if he posts on his facebook and ignores your message. Then you will have your answer. Until then, I would just think he isn't on it very much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Sat, 12-29-2012 - 3:51pm

OK, this might not be exactly about "Playing hard to get" - but something similar in my head... You remember my bass playing neighbour, right? I went alone to their concert Dec 21 as I simply love that band´s music and would regret it if I didn´t go, just because noone could join me. Not too many were there, so I am pretty sure he saw me. I was thinking that perhaps he´d stop by and exchange a few words during the break or after the concert. But, alas. Did not even see him, other than on stage. I did not stay long after the concert, as it was late and I had to walk home.

When I got home, I actually sent him a private message on Facebook - just thanking him for the great concert and complementing the band as I think they are really good! And, as it is my honest opinion, telling him he had some really cool bass lines. This is now a week ago and I have not heard from him. Maybe he just hasn´t been on FB (don´t think he is there too often and it has after all been Christmas - I did take a break from it myself), but I expect people to reply to messages. At least if only for being polite... Oh well, if I do not hear anything at all, I did at least give it a try. And then I know it is not worthwhile to "bother" with him anymore, as he obviously does not care. It is really annoying, as he is the only one I have even thought of as interesting the last few years... But, "no use crying over spilled milkshake", ref. "Grease". 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 8:13pm

I have never believed in playing games or acting hard to get.

I wonder if when you are older you just don't have time for the games and want honesty right up front. I wouldn't drop every thing to go out with a guy if I had other plans. But I would let them know I was interested in a rain check. If they are interested in you then they will claim the rain check. No games, just the real deal.

I would think a guy would want a woman who has a life rather than one that will be hanging all over them all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 12:52pm
Also if you share everything right away you'll run out of things to talk about in the future. I swear I'm so damn sick of the "I'm an open book" line that I've started ignoring guys who say it. It just seems like a line of bs for them to get you talking while they fish for trivial reasons to get rid of you. If you're always looking for a reason to get rid of someone then you're never going to find anyone who ever measures up.
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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 11:08am

Makes complete sense.  I have to say, though, that I am one of the more reserved types when it comes to getting to know me, and it hasn't worked for me at all.  Most men I have dated wanted me to be an open book right away or they thought I was hiding something or not interested enough.  In reality, I just don't share everything because I don't want to be judged.  I have to feel safe enough with someone to share, and that doesn't happen right away.  I'm not hard to get, I'm just hard to get to know.

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 12:58pm

Who is a guy going to be more focussed on, honestly?  The girl who's an open book, or the girl who's a bit more mysterious.  I'm not talking about misrepresentation, either.  I don't think you have to lie to create enough of an illusion that you garner a little more focus from a guy.  Obviously, if things are falling into place naturally, there's no need to be unavailable.  Some might argue, well, why would you want someone who doesn't appear to be very interested?  Well, what if you know 100% that he's interested, but you also know he's interested in a couple of other women.  I'm sorry, but if I really, really like someone, I'm not going to take left-overs.  I'm going to at least try to get his attention.  I don't have to create a complete facade in order to do that, sometimes all it takes is knowing when to set down the phone.  Let him wonder what you're doing that you can't devote more time to that conversation or text session.  Let him come to you.  Would I advise someone to then play coy once she has his attention?  No.  Guys like to feel special too.  Once you have him, don't leave him guessing.  Reveal yourself slowly to him.  I've actually heard that is one of the secrets to a long and lasting marriage.  Is it true?  I don't know, but it does make sense to me.       

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 11:11am
Soconfused that's exactly what I was talking about....not always being available on a moments notice and having a life. Yes I have plenty of things that are important to me so I devote time to them and they are things I have to do. I still have plenty of free time that I fill with things I simply want to do and that's where my relationships lie. I feel like most men I meet (and I've found no difference in the ages) just don't appreciate that and assume I'm playing games because I'm not sitting around waiting for them to want to see me. What I find even more aggravating is that when they have things to do they expect me to understand and just wait for them to have free time to see me. Why don't I get the same courtesy and respect? The only "solution" I've come up with for this is just to make some of the things I have to do seem more like hobbies I simply want to do or just not talk about them at all in the getting-to-know-you stage which could be a few months. This aggravates me because it seems dishonest, but telling the whole truth hasn't gotten me anywhere either.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 10:58am

I like what Florida said although I cant remember word for word what it was.

I do think men like the chase and they are def. hunters.. If a guy is interested then he will pursue and if the woman likes him then they get together. I do also know that men do like it when a woman has her own life. I have experienced this many times. When a guy knows that I have a life he is more apt to consider me as a partner.. Its just the way men are..

Personally I dont think playing hard to get is a positive thing especially for the adult crowd.. Just have a life and if someone comes along and wants to compliment or share your life then great and if not they move on..

Hard to get reminds of when I was a teenager and the boy next door liked me and I snubbed him and he kept chasing me but never was able to get me.. that to me is hard to get.. right now I am way too old for these types of games.. (lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 10:48am
The key world is "playing." I think there is a lot to be said for taking the time to get to know someone and seeing if they really are someone you want to be with. Some people get turned on by snobs or coldfish as weird as that sounds, but pretending to be distant, then becomes playing a game if that's not who you really are. So an emotional person who acts distant just to date someone is going to come off as fake once that game is over. That will not go well.
I always think of it like actors - Tom Cruise can do really well in his endless roles as an arrogant SOB, because that's not a stretch from his regular self. Rob Schneider could never regularly pull that role off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 9:40am

Ladybookworm, I agree!   I don't play games, but I do have a pretty busy schedule.  I have been told by guys that it seems as if I don't have time for a relationship in my life - but if I had a relationship I would make the time.  I am not playing hard to get, but I am also not always available at a moment's notice.

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