Please Give Me Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2006
Please Give Me Advice
6
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 5:53pm

About three weeks ago my boyfriend and I of nearly two years broke up. He was my first love and I was pretty sad at first, but I got over it quickly as I realized that life was better without him and that he had never really treated me the way I wanted anyway. I'm starting to feel that towards the end of our relationship I was hanging on to him as a habit despite my waning feelings for him.

Now this new guy comes along and becomes interested in me very quickly. I am so attracted to him too, but I feel like if I get involved with him too fast I'll be some kind of a Gertrude or something (the Queen in Hamlet who got remarried just two months after the king died.) Is there some kind of a courtesy period after a serious break up that I shouldn't be seeing anyone? I'm afraid if I turn down NewGuy now that I might lose him. And no, I don't believe I'm rebounding; he just came at this point in time...

Dazed & Confused,
~Allison

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 03-14-2006 - 8:50pm
Obviously, only you can decide when you're ready. As long as you're open and prepared to see red flags, then there's no harm in dating. But if the ex still clouds your judgement and you're unsure of what you want, then you'd probably do better to hold off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 8:33am
Nope, there is no "courtesy period."
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Thu, 03-16-2006 - 10:50am
If your feelings for your ex started waning towards the end of your relationship than I don't think you would come across any problems dating this new guy. Some people make the mistake of holding on to a relationship that doesn't work for them just because they are afraid to be alone. I say go for it and don't let this opportunity pass you by.
BABY #3!!
 
Pregnancy ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 9:15am
Normally it's good to wait, but you can't control these things all the time. Life happens and if you feel ready to date again and really like this guy, then go ahead and date him. Maybe try to take things slow and tell him that you did get out of that relationship only 3 weeks ago. But I digress, go for it! Just take care of yourself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 11:46am

I agree with the other posters that there is no timeline. Especially if, at the end of your relationship, you had already started the process of letting go of your ex. (I've been there, and I know that can happen).

My only caution would be to be honest with NewGuy. He might feel hurt or deceived if he doesn't know that you just came out of a long-term relationship. As long as he knows, you should be able to move forward at a comfortable pace for both of you.

Good luck with your new beginnings. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 3:27pm
You won't lose new guy if he is into you so there is no need to rush into anything new. If he asks you out on a date then you should accept. JUST DON'T GO BACK TO HIS HOUSE AFTER THE FIRST DATE! Keep it short and sweet.