Please Help - ex engaged
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Please Help - ex engaged
| Wed, 08-01-2007 - 11:56am |
I recently found out my ex-boyfriend proposed to his girlfriend. I knew that he had bought a ring but I had been denying/suppressing any thoughts and feelings I may have had about the situation. This ex was the longest relationship I have ever had, I lost my virginity to him, he was the first person I ever 'loved,' etc. I also considered him to be the best friend I had in the world, the person who knows and understands me better than anyone.
His being engaged has hit me really really hard. I opened up to my mom about it yesterday and she was shocked because she didn't think I had any feelings left for this person. We have been broken up for over 2 years. However, during those two years, both he and I dated other people, but also went back and forth as friends/more than friends.
I feel awful and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to move past this. I feel sad because I may have blown the best relationship I ever had. I feel sad because I lost the best friend I ever had (I hadn't heard from him in a few months - now I realize it's because he was so serious about his relationship). I don't know if I was never 'over' him in the first place or how to get 'over' him now.
This guy was always my excuse to not get serious about other guys. I have dated guys casually but ruin things when they want me to commit to being their girlfriend - because in the back of my head I'd think my ex might come back to me. I am dating a guy casually right now - the same day that I find out my ex is engaged and how badly it affected me the new guy tells me he wants a full-on relationship with me. I don't want this ex thing to ruin a good situation with a new guy!
I need to do something to change my life and move on so I can have a healthy relationship. I want to be able to love. Please help me, I need suggestions. I want to get through and over this. HELP.
His being engaged has hit me really really hard. I opened up to my mom about it yesterday and she was shocked because she didn't think I had any feelings left for this person. We have been broken up for over 2 years. However, during those two years, both he and I dated other people, but also went back and forth as friends/more than friends.
I feel awful and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how to move past this. I feel sad because I may have blown the best relationship I ever had. I feel sad because I lost the best friend I ever had (I hadn't heard from him in a few months - now I realize it's because he was so serious about his relationship). I don't know if I was never 'over' him in the first place or how to get 'over' him now.
This guy was always my excuse to not get serious about other guys. I have dated guys casually but ruin things when they want me to commit to being their girlfriend - because in the back of my head I'd think my ex might come back to me. I am dating a guy casually right now - the same day that I find out my ex is engaged and how badly it affected me the new guy tells me he wants a full-on relationship with me. I don't want this ex thing to ruin a good situation with a new guy!
I need to do something to change my life and move on so I can have a healthy relationship. I want to be able to love. Please help me, I need suggestions. I want to get through and over this. HELP.


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"He married the mistress. That knowledge, feeling kills. They had a baby together.
And it hurts.
But I know that I'm holding onto the idea of what was. Not what actually was.
And I'm learning to let go.
But I still feel so odd about him being with someone else."
If he cheated on you, he will most likely cheat on her.
I don't think first loves should ever be forgotten. Sounds like you had a good experience with him but it wasn't enough for you. You obviously wanted something different. You probably never will get over him. Even when you find a new guy to give you the things he did that made you love him so much plus does the stuff he never did or that something different your ex couldn't, you will still think about him and miss him. We all have to stop tying ourselves down with thoughts of "what if" concerning our exes. It's a leash. Are we dogs? No!!! So we should make it something more positive. Like a string on a kite. Take these experiences as something to lift us higher. Sky's the limit!
Yep dwelling in the past makes it hurt. Revelling in our experience helps. *hugs*
I was reading this discussion, that was posted several years ago now and I find myself in a similar position.
Now, I'll be the first to admit that many men are not replaceable but sometimes the next one is better. Sometimes the next one is better in some ways but not in others...that is just life...what you do is just appreciate what you have whoever is given to you. Appreciate the joy and love and lessons! you got from this last relationship. Hold it fondly in your heart and remember that that same joy and love can come back to you. It really can. In a different package, yes, but still can come back to you.
I've had many loves in my life. Each one was special...(although I do admit some more special than others). I take comfort in that I attracted them all and I won't stop attracting that type still. You won't either. As you grow in life and become more of who you are, you will grow more, too and attract more of what you are then.
Everything will be OK. It will.
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