Please help, need advice!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Please help, need advice!!
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 2:36am
I need your advice on a situation. It’s sort of complicated. I don’t know what to do, so here’s the history of it….

There’s this guy at work, who I’ll call “Brian”, that I had a flirtation with for awhile last year and early this year. We’d email, talk online a lot, and talk at work, eat lunch together at work. The thing is, when I first admitted that I liked him (last year), he said he didn’t want anything serious because he had been hurt before. Well, that was okay, since I didn’t want to launch into anything heavy either. However, he never liked to plan time to hang out. He’d just call that night, and expect me to get up and go out, when he wanted. We had a couple of minor disagreements about that. So we didn’t really hang out beyond work because of that. So after those couple of disagreements, he stopped talking to me online, he’d even block me out on AIM. He acted kind of awkward at work too. (This was around November 2002). Then, in January 2003, he started getting all flirty again at work and even started getting back online. In February, Brian called out of the blue, and asked me to go see a movie, so I went.

After that night, he came online and said, “I think we are fine as friends, I don’t think we can go beyond, we are too different, but I like hanging out with you.” He said he thought it was weird that I seemed worried about not getting a seat in the theatre. (He came 20 mins late, and it was the first night of an anticipated movie.) I also tried to split the cost of the parking with him, and he thought that was weird too. So I said, “ok, if that’s what you want.” I have to say that I was disappointed though.

Then a month later, in March, Brian called my cell phone all of a sudden at 1 am, and left a message (I was asleep). Then the next night, he called again. He wanted me to come over to his apartment later that night.. I told him that I had things to get done (which I did,), and how about next weekend? He said, “Well I don’t know what I’m gonna do next weekend.” So there he went again about not wanting to plan anything. That was strange, considering his spiel about just wanting to be friends.( I basically could tell he wanted to hook up)A few days later at work, I told him that we should hang out sometime. Then he got this weird expression on his face, and he told me he’d call me sometime, and he never did. That’s the last time he called me.

However, we ended up going to a concert together in June. He was being a pain about it, though. He agreed to it in February, and then he tried to back out of it in May. He’d pay me only a small amount every couple of weeks, and the tickets were 70 bucks. On the days leading up to the concert, he wouldn’t pick up the phone or answer emails about what we’d do about transportation. I was totally afraid he’d leave me in the dust. Then, the morning of the concert, he actually picked up the phone. He said he got my emails and calls, but decided that he’d get back to me “sometime the day of the concert.” I was really upset at him. However, at the concert, we had a good time, and he even said so at the end of the night.

So then, that same month, I asked him to go to a club with me, and he said he’d call me back about it. He never called back. The next month, I asked him to go somewhere with me, and he said that he had to hang out with his guy friend that night. Another time, he mentioned that he was going to go to a show at a club, and I asked if he wanted to meet up there. Brian said he’d email me, but he never did.

Then, on the 4th of july weekend, a male coworker of mine, who talks to Brian a lot, said that I should try to hang out with Brian since he had nothing to do on the Fourth of July. He said that Brian had told him that he had fun, had a good time with me at the concert. I already had plans, however, so I didn’t call Brian.

Then, a couple of weeks later, my male coworker told me out of the blue that Brian had confessed that he’s scared of getting involved with anyone because he had a fiancé for about a year, and she all of a sudden broke off the engagement. My coworker said that Brian was deeply hurt, and that he had to get counseling. But my coworker said, “ If you were to go after him… I’m not saying you will, but if you did…. He’s a really good guy.” I am very sure that Brian did not tell my coworker about anything that went on with us over the months, as we had said we wouldn’t discuss this with others at work, since that might make it weird.

So a couple months ago, I took the night position at work, and that means that basically we end up working the closing shift together, even though we are in different departments. They are adjacent to each other though, and we have been talking a lot more lately. We see each other more now because of my new job position there.

Ok, so the main point is, is that even after all of the drama over the past several months, I am still into him. I don’t think I would tell him this because I don’t know his reaction, and I don’t want things to be awkward at work since we’d see each other so much. I was thinking of asking him to hang out sometime, but I don’t know how he’d react to it either. I hate things to be uncomfortable.

So basically, what should I do? What do you think about this whole situation? Thanks for reading this far.

Edited 10/28/2003 3:36:57 AM ET by nightstar2002

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 7:15am

Well, I can tell you what I think, but you won't like it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2002
Tue, 10-28-2003 - 8:03pm
He is not interested in you. You keep asking him out and he keeps saying no or acting weird about firming up plans. Please try to get over your interest in him. He is NOT the guy for you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2003
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 2:32am
Thanks to all who responded.

Hmm, just for curiosity, I was thinking of just saying to him, "wanna hang out sometime?" And put him on the spot, see what he says and how he reacts. What do you think of that idea?