Please Smack Some Sense Into Me!
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| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 10:31am |
So I broke up with a guy I was really crazy about just 11 days prior because he was showing all the classic signs of not being interested enough and really not that into me and though I know I did the right thing because I'm looking for something long-term and a real relationship, I keep fighting with myself everyday to not call him and not beg for him to have me back. For some reason, I keep trying to find reasons why we SHOULD be together, that I was actually overreacting and that maybe if I gave it more time, it could have grown into something. But logicaly I know this is absurd. Normally, I'd go to my friends, but I don't want to bother them. Please! Please smack some reality into me. Remind me why this guy isn't worth even a little of my time. Tell me why I shouldn't call him leaving the opportunity open to come back. Help me bring my anger back! Base your responses on this:
-Weekends, he'd disappear, not call, email, or text and catchup until after it was over.
-He began calling only once a week
-I had to initiate plans for 3 weeks in a row
-When out he'd never compliment me but constantly scan the room commenting on al lthe other hot women he saw
-He stopped initiating convos on IM
-He stopped sending flirty texts
-He stopped flirting
-He mentioned flirting and having crushes with other women
-he stopped making the first move in kissing you
-he would see movies with friends he knew I wanted to see
-I felt I was out of sight, out of mind
-after hearing your concerns that things were getting platonic, he didn't make any changes
-he didn't ask me out for Memorial Day Weekend and didn't call the entire weekend (his excuse was that he asked what I was doin and I said I was busy, a conversation that NEVER HAPPENED!)
-at my film screening (I starred in a local indie film), he seemed quiet aloof and unenthusiastic, never commented on how hot I looked
-He's been unaffectionate
-his excuse for not inviting down to see him (he's a hour away) was that he doesn't have AC and his place as too hot
I know tihs list alone should help but I' feeling weak right now and the good times are flooding my head and making me want to call him and give him another chance. PLEASE! Smack some sense into me. Really!
Don't hold back. Make me see how really stupid I'd be to even consider trying to get back with him!

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Eww!!
Ok, I know that was immature, but that was my first reaction! No woman deserves ANY of what you just listed, I can't even figure out why he was still agreeing to plans with you (no offense to you, you're WAY too good for that anyway). What kind of a** mentions flirting with other women in front of someone he's supposedly dating??
WHAT a loser...
QUOTE=What kind of a** mentions flirting with other women in front of someone he's supposedly dating??
His reasoning was that these women were unattainable, as in married or taken so he wasn't going for it. Plus he said that since we were friends first (I've known him a few years) and we used to talk about dating other people and other crushes then, that it wouldn't be a problem now that we were dating. Actually, I don't think he realized he needed to adjust his behaviors once we began dating.
No, no, that is what I want common sense smacked into me on why this situation isn't right for me.
I think what had tripped me up and keeps running across my mind is while I was breaking up with him, he surprised me by holding on, sounding really sad and alluded to him just taking his time to 'fall for someone' and that he just moves at a slower pace. That left me feeling like maybe there is potential. But ALL my friends say his whimsical emotions would lead me to being unhappy down the road. But sometimes all I can think about is how great things were for the first 3 months and that maybe I was overreacting or being overly emotional.
The 2nd guessing is killing me.
You did the right thing. I'm sorry, from reading this post I don't get the sense that he was very interested in a serious relationship. A fun one, maybe. You are better off. I think it's better to be alone than to torment youself. I've dated "these guys" and it's torture. "Do they, don't they, do they . . ." Ugh. Be strong girl!
Have you deleted all of his contact info? Email, screen name, phone number? That may help. Every time you feel weak and want to call him, read this post of yours. I think it's proof enough that you don't need him. Why would you? So you can feel badly about yourself? Nahhh . . . sorry, he sounds like a bit of a loser.
Thanks for writing.
I'm feeling MUCH better today but yesterday I was sitting at my desk crying for hours because the urge to talk to him was so strong. I still feel like I want to talk to him badly because there are so many unanswered questions for me but if I were to judge by his actions, than I already have my answers, it wasn't headed anywhere.
*sigh*
Can't wait for this uneasy feeling to go away.
Well, he never said he was falling for me, but that he didn't want to rush into falling for "someone" and take his time. I know he's been burnt reall badly in the past and I can understand that but this was more about him pulling away from me and making me feel like just another option instead of the woman he wanted to be with. Big difference.
And yet, it's still gnawing at me. Not knowing exactly how he felt about the situation. I almost feel like I'd rather here he did meet someone else, then maybe I'd get the closure and closed door to really move past these feelings. But he left me thinking, if only I were more patient with him. But my friends say I gave him enough time.
This dating stuff really sucks!
********he stopped making the first move in kissing you***********
Reverse, but the day it hit me My ex girlfriend never "kissed me" any more, but instead just "dealt with it" when I kissed her, that was the day our break up started. That alone is reason enough for me. For get passion, it tells you he just does not care. Simple hugs and kissing aren't optional. (-: They are a part of the healthy expression of affection.
From where I stand, this sounds like a man dating on the weekends and doing whatever he pleases with whoever he wants while he leaves you waiting in the wings.
Be pissed, be very pissed. (-: And do not call this guy back.
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