Please Smack Some Sense Into Me!
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| Mon, 06-11-2007 - 10:31am |
So I broke up with a guy I was really crazy about just 11 days prior because he was showing all the classic signs of not being interested enough and really not that into me and though I know I did the right thing because I'm looking for something long-term and a real relationship, I keep fighting with myself everyday to not call him and not beg for him to have me back. For some reason, I keep trying to find reasons why we SHOULD be together, that I was actually overreacting and that maybe if I gave it more time, it could have grown into something. But logicaly I know this is absurd. Normally, I'd go to my friends, but I don't want to bother them. Please! Please smack some reality into me. Remind me why this guy isn't worth even a little of my time. Tell me why I shouldn't call him leaving the opportunity open to come back. Help me bring my anger back! Base your responses on this:
-Weekends, he'd disappear, not call, email, or text and catchup until after it was over.
-He began calling only once a week
-I had to initiate plans for 3 weeks in a row
-When out he'd never compliment me but constantly scan the room commenting on al lthe other hot women he saw
-He stopped initiating convos on IM
-He stopped sending flirty texts
-He stopped flirting
-He mentioned flirting and having crushes with other women
-he stopped making the first move in kissing you
-he would see movies with friends he knew I wanted to see
-I felt I was out of sight, out of mind
-after hearing your concerns that things were getting platonic, he didn't make any changes
-he didn't ask me out for Memorial Day Weekend and didn't call the entire weekend (his excuse was that he asked what I was doin and I said I was busy, a conversation that NEVER HAPPENED!)
-at my film screening (I starred in a local indie film), he seemed quiet aloof and unenthusiastic, never commented on how hot I looked
-He's been unaffectionate
-his excuse for not inviting down to see him (he's a hour away) was that he doesn't have AC and his place as too hot
I know tihs list alone should help but I' feeling weak right now and the good times are flooding my head and making me want to call him and give him another chance. PLEASE! Smack some sense into me. Really!
Don't hold back. Make me see how really stupid I'd be to even consider trying to get back with him!

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I just posted another reply, had not read the string yet . . .friends first and all . .. .
Still from your description, it sounds like a man that had one foot out the door already . .. I still say don't call.
Thanks for responding. Just wanted to update and say I feel SO MUCH BETTER!
I was on Myspace yesterday trying to distract myself from calling this dude when I came across a blog of a girl describing her relationship with a guy I formerly dated. Normally I wouldn't do it but I felt I needed some reassurance of what a real interest looks like again. And boy did it. After reading about how attentive her man is, how he goes out of his way to make her feel good, to put a smile on her face and to just be around her, I soon remembered that that is the level of interest and the quality relationship that I seek but that I was NOT getting from my dude. That blog also showed me again how a healthy, loving relationship works when the guy is crazy about you and that the guy I was seeing was NOWHERE near that level. I felt 100% better. This blog and the guy she wrote about made mine seem so wack and stanky, I seriously couldn't even remember why I've been sweating him or why I even liked him so much. It really blew him out of the water.
I'm not missing a thing cause he had so little to offer. He lost everything cause I had everything to offer. The tension in my stomach subsided and I feel relieved that I dumped that guy and I'm ready again to make a new start. Loser-free!
I've been there before! And trust me you DID the right thing.
Lets say you do give it another chance you
1) would be lowering yourself for him and always have a problem with his behavior and probably fight about it down the road.
2) Don't Ever Settle!
Even if you dated him until you found someoone that was that into to you...you will lead yourself into having false feelings for him and maybe miss the right guy for you.
I know its hard but you have to go with your gut and what you want! Otherwise you will never be truly happy!
Thats my advise
Best of Luck!
You do indeed sound much better today. And this is exactly right. I know I sound strange saying things like this, but when you are with the right person, it is easy to look them in the eye and know you would rather be no place else. And that is a feeling that shows. I never want to settle, or be settled for. (-:
My ex who I have written enough about . . .however I had to ask if we were ok, initiate the conversation, and in the end I made the choice to move out . .. it was like she knew it was never going to work . .. but could not quite let go ether. And trust me I have second guessed that choice a time or two, natural stuff. Thankfully I have my professor friend that knew us both in depth and who has reassured me several times I did exactly the right thing. I believe you are off to far greener pastures.
Hi,
I am in your same situation. I broke up with a guy recently (actually, more than broke up, he basically stopped returning my calls). It has been really difficult lately becuase I have been feeling lonely. I am 32 and I am really tired of dating and having relationships that last only 3-4 months. Mind you, I had a lot of emotioal problems in my 20s and I avoided dating for a long time because I felt I wasn't ready for anything serious. I find myself in my 30s with a very reduced pool of good men. It's feel sad, but I know I wouldn't have been able to do serious dating earlier in my life, this is the right time for me. I look like I am in my 20s still, but as soon as I tell a guy my real age, his eyes glaze over, like I am past my prime or there must be something wrong with me. I am in no hurry, but I hate putting effort into a relationship and then have the guy loose interest.
This last guy was a strange situation becuase he was finishing school so what I thought was him being too busy with his exams was the fist indication he didn't want to bother with a relationship. The big issue came up, when he spent the 1st weekend after his exams partying with his friends and blowing me off. I mean, if you ask me to be your girlfriend, shouldn't you be wanting to spend some time with me on the first weekend were you don't have to worry about exams? He also did not communicate and even though I wanted to clarify the situation, he wouldn't return my calls.
I even told him I wasn't happy and that maybe we shouldn't see each other, but he kept saying to give him a chance, he was just so busy. Later I realized, I just wasn't in his list of priorities. It is so puzzling how SOME men go for the chase and once they get you it's no longer fun for them. I wish I could meet some guys that are not like that. I keep wondering at times if I just put too much pressure on him, but then I realize that if this is too much for him, then every little thing is going to be to inconvenient for him. It would have happened sooner or later.
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