Positives of Being Single
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| Thu, 01-12-2006 - 4:37pm |
Hi Everyone -
I am writing in search of all of the positive things about being single. When i was 17 I got in to a relationship that lasted just over 5 years. Only 3 months later I rebounded and entered a relationship that has been going for a little over 8 months now. I have been trying to end things with this guy because I know he isn't right for me, he doesn't make me happy, I don't trust him, and he is nothing that I want in the person I spend the rest of my life with. However, being that I have never REALLY been single, I am having a very difficult time letting go. I have broken up with him, but we continue to hang out, sleep together, and talk every day. Every day he does something else that upsets me, or makes me think again about how bad this is for me to continue. But, as always, I continue. Why? I am scared to death to end up alone and without anyone. I've always had a shoulder to cry on, a warm body to cuddle up against at night, and the knowledge that someone thinks I'm special. I don't know what to do without that. I know that sounds weak and childish...but, at this point in my life, it is a truth.
So, I thought it would be good for me to hear all of the POSITIVE things about being single. So, please...list away!! Thanks in advance. I really appreciate it.

Here's another thread that got that conversation started...
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlsinglelovi&msg=5916.1
I think it's a good reminder to all of us to remember the positives. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
That said, I think the only thing you have to remember when you're in those lonely times of not being with the right person is that you're not with the wrong one, either. If you can remember that, you will have all the perspective you need.
Right now, he's keeping you from finding a guy who is better suited for you.
The best thing about being single I would say is that you get to find out a little bit more about yourself. Obviously you are not happy in your current situation. Why put yourself through the unhappiness? Just think the time you spend with your current guy could be time spent on someone who is actually worth it. One of the biggest fears we have as individuals is the fear of being alone. I think what we must start realizing is that you don't need a man to define you. Trust me you'll be much happier to be free of a bad relationship.
Meka
First off, good on you for being able to identify and define what it is you feel and want. Being alone can be hard... but like shyone said... it is simply what has to happen for someone great to walk into your life!
Find some other interests and focus on them... ya know what they say - when you're focusing on something else... that's when it happens! Good luck!
My first serious relationship ended in October. The past couple months have probably been some of the toughest I've experienced. But I have grown so much. At first me and my ex still talked and tried to remain friends, but it is kind of impossible when you still have a good connection (physically and mentally). So i started a "no contact" rule-that is, i didn't want him to call me, i didn't call him. I havent talked to him for about 2 months now and while I am still sad sometimes and miss all the good things about being in a relationship, I also see all the things that I missed out while being in an unsatisfactory relationship. Some good things I have experienced are:
1. going out to bars and clubs with friends is a lot more fun when you are single. You don't have to hold yourself back. you can flirt, and it doesn't matter.
2. you can live in the moment. you don't have to worry about making your way back to your boyfriends house at the end of the night or tying him into your day.
3. you can meet new friends and grow closer to the ones you already have.
4. you have more time to work on yourself- take on another job, do better in school, WORK OUT! (i've lost about 10-15 lbs since our breakup, and get compliments all the time. being with a boy everyday is horrible on your thighs. they have huge appetites and fast metabolisms.)
5. i have more time to do simple things, like go get manicures, my hair dyed, tan, read magazines, take a yoga class, etc. i realized in my relationship i got really comfortable and did not treat myself enough.
6. i can rent chick flicks (i always seemed to compromise with him for comedies and action movies)
7. my 2 best friends are in relationships. they have their problems, and i see they are sad soemtimes because we are all in college and the boys we date quite frankly are not very mature yet. i see their frusteration when they want them to change but they dont, or how they have to call and check in when they go out, etc. it feels nice to just go out, have a good time, and not feel like im on a leash of any kind. im not attached, i dont feel like i need anyone to "complete" me. i am on my own, and its very liberating and im loving it more and more everyday.
of course there are great things about being in a relationship too, and i still think about them too, esp. at night when there is nothing to do. you are lonely sometimes when you are single. i remember it before my exboyfriend and i feel it now. but by being in a relationship that really isnt going anywhere, you are just wasting valuable time. you only have one life. if your not completely happy, its not worth it. its better to be single and have time to figure out what you really want from yourself and others.
well anyway, hope that helps. good luck and stay strong!
The best things about the single life......
1. You can travel more. I have been more places ( London,Ireland and this country) and seen more since i been single
2. Its a chance to improve your mind so that when that guy/girl comes along you have more to talk about/or do than sex.
3. You can rent all the girly movies you want w/o out the 'Ugh, a chick flick agian' comment.
4. If you walk around in bummy clothes at home no one cares
5. You can do what you want when you want.
6. Friday nights with the girls are FAN-TAB-U-LOUS!!!!!
7. You understand better who you are and what you want out of life
8. You learn what you have to offer in a relationship and learn to love yourself
9. Free time to work out....I was at the gym 3 times a week. that pent up energy has to go somewhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And lastly, dont degrade yourself as a women by settling for someone inferior to your needs. He may be perfect for someone else but you are hurting no one but yourself. Its impossible for you to become a well rounded person by suffocating your soul.
Live well love well leave well
Here is a list of the things I did after I got my get "out of jail free" card. After my 3 year relationship ended with my ex bf, I started doing just the things I wanted.
1. I traveled. A month after we broke up, I went on an impromtu trip to Germany and Czech republic.
2. Rented chick flicks (sorry for repeating this one).
3. Lost ten pounds, because I had more time for the gym
4. I got to eat Chinese, Indian and Mexican food again (my bf despised these foods).
5. Got a new do. If a girl didn't have waist length hair, she wasn't femine according to my ex.
6. Went clubbing (I actually learned how to dance again. Yes, my ex hated clubs too).
7. Got back in touch with old friends and spent more time with them.
8. Took up a new hobby.
9. Redecorated my condo.
and more stuff you can do:
1. get a pet
2. stay out all night with no one to answer to.
3. sleep in
4. wear sweats around the house and to bed.
5. have a tuna sandwich and a bowl of icecream for dinner if you want
6. have a 3 hour telephone conversation with friends
7. invite friends over without having to check with him first.
8. majorly change your appearance
9. spend money without hearing him balk
10.take weekend trips at a moment's notice
I hope we all gave you enough reasons that single could be better. It sure beats staying with a guy who doesn't make you happy!