Possible crush on a friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Possible crush on a friend?
4
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 11:55am

I had posted a little bit on the Breaking Up board since I am still sorting through a "break-up" of sorts, but on the other hand not really. I'm a bit dissapointed that things with him didn't work out (long story short he was an ex from a while ago and we were in the process of trying to get back together). I'm not upset about losing him in of itself because I finally realized it could go nowhere. He was 34 and wanted to be a 17 year old the rest of his life. Enough about that.

Anyways, I went to a friend's party two weeks ago and a guy friend came up to me, someone I have known as a casual friend for about a year and a half. We were talking and all of the sudden something just sort of hit me and I remember thinking how attractive he was, I'd always thought he was "cute" but he isn't my usual type so I never thought more of it. We talked a good bit and I think he was just being friendly, but he was very interested in what I'd been up to, I mentioned writing children's books and being an artist and he wanted to see my work and stuff like that. The bad part is that my stupid ex was with me, we weren't together the whole time but looking back now I definitely wish I wouldn't have brought him. That is another thing, everytime I'm around this other guy I always seem to have a boyfriend or a date of some sort, he even mentioned the guy I had been with last time. Of course now he probably thinks I am dating someone (argh!) so I will have to casually mention my singleness the next time I see him.

The reason that he's not my "type" is because he is older, I am 29 in January and he turned 40 this year. He is divorced (due to infidelity of his ex wife) and no children. I think a lot of the attraction is because we have been friends as well. He has a lot of good qualities though and he is a very nice guy and is a lot of fun, not that 40 is old, but he doesn't seem "older" at all when we talk about things.

One good thing is I know I will be seeing him a lot because we are all friends, I know he is single (if I don't jinx it by saying that) so I have opportunities to strike up casual conversations and at least just see what happens. So I guess I'm wondering if anyone here has ever crushed on someone that was normally not someone they'd go for, if they made a move what happened? I'm at my parent's house for the holidays and tad bored this morning ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sat, 12-24-2005 - 8:50pm
IF HE makes a move..that is fine.otherwise do NOT NOT NOT pursue.Men do the chasing..if he wants you..he will go for it!trust me on this one.Crushes are silly at our age anyway.Keep in mind he may be more interested in sex,at least until he knows you more....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 12:05am
I think the fact that you find him attractive now shows potential growth on your part. I'm 36 and when I was in my 20s I was still obsessed with looks and/or charmers. Basically guys who did not want to commit. I'm just recently divorced and now find myself attracted to guys based on their personalities. I like NICE guys. I want to be with someone who's going to treat me the way I deserve and who acts like an adult. My ex fits the description of your ex. 36 going on 17. I don't think the age difference is a big deal. Just keep talking to him and casually let him know you're single. If he's interested in you he'll ask you out. There are men (I've met them) who are not just trying to get sex. I wish you luck. Merry Xmas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 11:02am

Thanks for your reply, no he definitely is not trying to get sex as the other poster seemed to imply. I will just make it a point to talk to him more one on one and see what happens, one of my friends said he can be a little clueless when it comes to picking up signals from women so we'll see if he "gets" it ;-) He seems like a nice combination of fun but also mature, my ex just wants to party and never grow up which also includes relationships and I just got really tired of it.

Happy Holidays.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sun, 12-25-2005 - 7:28pm
I was not trying to imply he just wants sex...but he should do the chasing...if he is not going after you,then don`t stress over it that`s all.Many men are more interested in the sex,so no matter how nice he may be,you don`t know what he is after until you get to know him..ya know?