The power of no
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The power of no
| Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:37pm |
I don't know if anyone else watches How I Met Your Mother, but it's one of my favorite shows. I was watching an old episode the other day. It was all about Barney, the womanizer, trying to sleep with a woman (Jennifer Lopez) whose philosophy was not to have sex until the 17th date. She told men no regardless of the question (Do you want coffee?) or what her answer was. Barney chased her shamelessly until he had a change of heart and he ended up rejecting her. At that point, she started begging him to want her. Basically, they each only wanted what they couldn't have.
I see this a lot with guys. My FWB has resurfaced again. We went to a different karaoke place Wednesday and he was there. I got home and he texted me asking to come over. I told him no, and asked him if he realized it had been two months. He said he'd been busy w/ his kids and that now it was my "turn" to text him first. Tonight, he texts me again and I told him no again bc I was tired. He tried to convince me, but I really wasn't up to it.
He's just the most recent example in my life of a guy trying harder when I've told him no. The thing is, I'm not trying to be a challenge. If I say no, I'm just not that interested! But it seems to make guys (and I imagine women too) work a little harder. It's like the things that come easy to us don't seem as valuable at first. But really, the ones that come easy should be the ones we want.
I see this a lot with guys. My FWB has resurfaced again. We went to a different karaoke place Wednesday and he was there. I got home and he texted me asking to come over. I told him no, and asked him if he realized it had been two months. He said he'd been busy w/ his kids and that now it was my "turn" to text him first. Tonight, he texts me again and I told him no again bc I was tired. He tried to convince me, but I really wasn't up to it.
He's just the most recent example in my life of a guy trying harder when I've told him no. The thing is, I'm not trying to be a challenge. If I say no, I'm just not that interested! But it seems to make guys (and I imagine women too) work a little harder. It's like the things that come easy to us don't seem as valuable at first. But really, the ones that come easy should be the ones we want.
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On tv, yes it's about the chase. But there really are some guys who understand the need to win women over. We're not going to just fall in your lap without some effort. It's not really about chasing, but about patience and maybe taking a different approach.
I dont get any of this game playing .. I do know agree with Trenner somewhat.. I mean if someone wants you then they want you and you get together and the rest is history.
If they go after you and you reject then its over.. and you move on to what you really really want..
this guy sounded like he wanted booty and you rejected so either he will move on or you will move on or like trenner said the cycle continues..
You have to remember- we don't all deal with the opposite sex in the same way nor do we all have the same ideas about how a relationship forms. You and I could react the exact same way to a man and my reaction could mean something completely different from yours.
I do believe my last sentence in the original post was that we should just go for the ones that come easy, but I'm not naive enough to think things always go the way they should.
What do you do then when you initially didn't find a guy that appealing but after you get to know him a while, you decide you like him more?
yes; I wonder that also?
I dont quite understand your logic Shy...........
I am old school and if a guy asks me out and I like him I go.. If I dont like him I dont go and if we like each other we keep going out.
I just need time to make my decision, and most men are not willing to do that. The ones who are are the lucky ones.
Anyways- I wasn't really commenting on my current situation. I know he just wants sex. It's been my observation with men in general, though, that a lot of them want what they can't have more than they want what comes easy.
Shy, I'm just catching up on reading this thread.
I was commenting on dating/men/women in general. I don't have an issue. I was just doing my job- creating conversation- and relating it to my life. It was not meant to imply that I was at odds with the guy at all. I'm not.
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