The power of no

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
The power of no
33
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:37pm
I don't know if anyone else watches How I Met Your Mother, but it's one of my favorite shows. I was watching an old episode the other day. It was all about Barney, the womanizer, trying to sleep with a woman (Jennifer Lopez) whose philosophy was not to have sex until the 17th date. She told men no regardless of the question (Do you want coffee?) or what her answer was. Barney chased her shamelessly until he had a change of heart and he ended up rejecting her. At that point, she started begging him to want her. Basically, they each only wanted what they couldn't have.

I see this a lot with guys. My FWB has resurfaced again. We went to a different karaoke place Wednesday and he was there. I got home and he texted me asking to come over. I told him no, and asked him if he realized it had been two months. He said he'd been busy w/ his kids and that now it was my "turn" to text him first. Tonight, he texts me again and I told him no again bc I was tired. He tried to convince me, but I really wasn't up to it.

He's just the most recent example in my life of a guy trying harder when I've told him no. The thing is, I'm not trying to be a challenge. If I say no, I'm just not that interested! But it seems to make guys (and I imagine women too) work a little harder. It's like the things that come easy to us don't seem as valuable at first. But really, the ones that come easy should be the ones we want.
Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 12:07pm

Hi,

Great post.

IMO women, especially today, don't recognize how much power they have in choosing whom to date, mate with, and have children with. Frankly, I think women now aren't choosy enough and they "settle" for a jerk or a sortakinda guy because they fear being alone.

If women only recognized that they not only have the power to say no they should say no to just anyone. Every woman has the ability to attract an extraordinary man into their life. They shouldn't settle for anything less.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2012
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 2:37pm

I dated this guy a year ago,then didn't hear from him until this past month and he will not accept no.We had nothing in common and it was over quickly,but he will just not move on.I don't understand this at all.I've told him I'm just not interested,but it's like he doesn't hear me.So what do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 6:33pm

Hi;

that sounds

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 9:41pm

If it hasn't gotten to the point of harrassment, then completely block him and don't engage--don't answer his phone calls or texts or emails.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 04-24-2012 - 10:00pm
Does he seem like a guy who is in it for the challenge or is he one of those creepy needy guys who stalk? If he's in it for the challenge, playing a little reverse psychology and naming your babies with him or something will get rid of him pretty quickly. I met a guy at a bar once who almost immediately "bet" me that I'd kiss him before the night was up. So I kissed him right then. Challenge over!

If he's a stalker, a restraining order won't keep him away. It'll just make it so he'll be punished if-when-he breaks it. A big, strong, pretend boyfriend/big brother might do the trick, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 11:24am

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 12:25pm

I would settle for anyone right now (ha ha) and where do I find him??

Of course I believe I deserve a great guy and all of that jazz but they are just

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 04-25-2012 - 6:58pm

and as you guys know I have been trying to find a guy or he finding me for years and so far a

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 8:15am

oh; No offense taken Florida.. but I have given up looking for someone. I havent really looked that hard in months now. I was talking about the last few years in why I havent met anyone....

I am not really miserable but lonely.. I do alot of things to be the best Free really??Really I do? I just get very lonely and would like to share life with someone before its too late.. Life is short and I really do not want to grow old alone if I get that opportunity..

oh; and yes I am always looking for any type of work..really??? part time anytime.. I just havent had much luck lately but I dont give up.

will check out the books and websites.. thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:10am