pressure to look good

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
pressure to look good
38
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 11:58am

This was touched on in another thread, but do you single gals feel a need to always look your best? I feel like i am so self concious these days. I work out, try to keep up with the latest trends, do my hair. I'm not a big makeup person, sometimes i feel like i should wear more. I feel like no matter how good i might look, when i go out there are always plenty of people who i feel look better. Sometimes i wonder, why bother? It seems like there is so much emphasis for women on their looks. People are obsessed with celebrities these days, they even follow the lives of loser, drug ridden children of celebs...but these celebs always look 'hot' no matter how stupid they might be, lol. I feel like there are beautiful people every time i turn on the tv, even my computer these days. It's like if you are average or even above average, it doesnt matter...you wont get attention unless you're a 9 or a 10. It starts to get depressing. It seems like men really want top notch good looking women too. i read their profiles online and it almost always says they want someone slim, slender, then they add in they want someone who is attractive and takes care of herself, etc-sorry to me that translates, if you're not hot then dont contact me, lol.

I used to think i was attractive...but these days i dont feel that way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:44pm

You know, I honestly think that what's inside can help you look better outside.

For example, I went to the gym yesterday in my rattiest gym clothes - t-shirt older than man with a million holes, baggy workout pants, no hair tie. I mean, I felt like I looked so gross. But, I was in such a good mood yesterday and I think I was projecting that -- I got more appreciative looks at the gym than ever. And, I am by no means one of the naturally gorgeous early 20-somethings, either. I am 31 and definitely showing my age a bit.

I think you should wear what makes YOU feel good, wear as much or little makeup as you want, and just be yourself. I think most people (the non-shallow ones) will appreciate that you are trying to be YOU, and not some cookie-cutter from a magazine.

That's not to say you shouldn't shower, comb your hair and wear flattering clothes -- just don't let society or the fashion industry dictate how you should look.

On the flip side - the guys who say they want someone who takes care of herself. I don't think (in all cases) that means they want a model. They just want someone who doesn't look like a complete slob or something. I know I want a man who shaves, showers and can put on a clean shirt - but he doesn't have to be George Clooney by any means, you know?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:49pm

Unfortunately, and especially in big cities, men are so incredibly spoilt for choice these days that yes, the mentality is 'why settle for silver when you can have gold'. There are an awful lot of single women who want to be partnered; men know that, they know that they can take their pick and if not this one then another one's just around the corner, patiently awaiting her turn. So the thought process goes along the lines of: if I can have perfect, why settle for average ? I am not saying every man thinks like this, but unfortunately the majority of 'eligible bachelors' do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 1:08pm

>>Unfortunately, and especially in big cities, men are so incredibly spoilt for choice these days that yes, the mentality is 'why settle for silver when you can have gold'. There are an awful lot of single women who want to be partnered; men know that, they know that they can take their pick and if not this one then another one's just around the corner, patiently awaiting her turn. So the thought process goes along the lines of: if I can have perfect, why settle for average ? I am not saying every man thinks like this, but unfortunately the majority of 'eligible bachelors' do.<<

Just to play devils advocate a bit...
Why don't we women also have that attitude? Why settle for the jerk when Prince Charming might be around the corner? :)

And, some of these 'eligible bachelors' might wait for the unattainable 'perfect' for so long that they themselves become less 'eligible' in terms of desirability.

Why does it always have to be about what the men seem to want? Do we really need to play into that assumption in our society? Or are we better off being ourselves and not trying to play the game of keeping up with the 16-yo 'perfect' models?

On some level, each woman is perfect in her own way (as is each man). We're 'perfect' for someone (and more importantly perfect for ourselves), so why bother with trying to be perfect for everyone?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 3:14pm

Funny you mention wearing more make-up...I hear more guys say they prefer girls who wear NO make-up, so I feel like maybe I should wear LESS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 4:28pm
hmm...i am curious as to what things would be like if everyone stopped wearing make up.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 10:18pm

I think there's pressure for everything to be perfect these days, not just looks.


I had a parent tonight upset b/c I put names of kids who passed timed tests in my newsletters.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 2:04am
I really do agree with your outlook on things tallgirl. Sometimes i get so negative and I think that all men want a beautiful/perfect looking woman but in reality this is not the case. Most men really are attracted to a woman who can carry herself with confidence and who is just being her and not trying to conform to what society wants her to be. They are attracted to women who are happy in their own skin and exude that happiness. Of course it helps to take care of your appearance a bit, put on some makeup and put on some nice clothes and of course workout sometimes to take care of your figure, but I think overall it's the attitude and the air about a woman that draws a man to her. Everyone has that air about them if they are just being themselves and trying to go with the flow of life.
There is someone for everyone out there I believe. The trick is finding that person but we have to have hope and believe that there is this person for us.
It doesn't have to be all about what the MAN wants all the time. We have a right to be picky and choosy ourselves. We are not always waiting for any man to snatch us up. We can be waiting for the RIGHT man and some of these men aren't appealing to me and i wouldn't jump at the chance to date any man who comes my way. NO way no thanks, we as women live in a day and age where we are free to choose who we want to have as our life partner. We should be choosy. One of my friends made a good comment awhile back. He said that some women take less time picking out their husband than they do a pair of shoes. I completely agree with that too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 9:51am

i suppose men do like women who are confident and carry themselves well...however if the woman still doesnt look good, then i'm sorry, but a lot of guys still arent going to be interested. I think that if a woman is above average looking and has lots of confidence she'll do well in life. If she's gorgeous and lacking confidence...she's still going to go well if not better than the first example i mentioned. If she's average looking and has lots of confidence then she'll likely find an average man

Sorry to be negative...but a really good looking guy with lots going for him is normally not going to go for an ok looking woman just because she is confident...i have yet to see this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 10:14am
There might be a few cases in which a really good looking guy will go for an average woman who has a lot going for her but you are right, overall usually people go for others who are similar in the looks category. I guess this doesn't bother me too much because I try to go for men who are similar in attractiveness to me. I don't try to go for the really hot men because I believe that they are beyond my league looks-wise and that I'm one of the many women he has pining over him and USUALLY the men who are good looking and know it don't have personalities that are as good as the guys who are average or a little above average.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 10:21am
yeah i dont go for the really hot all done up looking men either...i guess the one thing that bothers me is that I've seen really hot women go for average/below average men...but you never see hot men go for average/below average women...it seems unfair, but I guess that's just how it is.

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