pressure to look good

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
pressure to look good
38
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 11:58am

This was touched on in another thread, but do you single gals feel a need to always look your best? I feel like i am so self concious these days. I work out, try to keep up with the latest trends, do my hair. I'm not a big makeup person, sometimes i feel like i should wear more. I feel like no matter how good i might look, when i go out there are always plenty of people who i feel look better. Sometimes i wonder, why bother? It seems like there is so much emphasis for women on their looks. People are obsessed with celebrities these days, they even follow the lives of loser, drug ridden children of celebs...but these celebs always look 'hot' no matter how stupid they might be, lol. I feel like there are beautiful people every time i turn on the tv, even my computer these days. It's like if you are average or even above average, it doesnt matter...you wont get attention unless you're a 9 or a 10. It starts to get depressing. It seems like men really want top notch good looking women too. i read their profiles online and it almost always says they want someone slim, slender, then they add in they want someone who is attractive and takes care of herself, etc-sorry to me that translates, if you're not hot then dont contact me, lol.

I used to think i was attractive...but these days i dont feel that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 10:50am
How does one come up with she's hotter or he is hotter or they look about the same? I honestly just don't get it. I've dated a girl that people have said wow, how did you get her. On the other side of the coin, I've dated a girl that people said why are you with her, you could do so much better, looks wise that is. Truth be told, and to this day, the girl they said you could do much better, is the one that I still believe to be more beatiful. To me it's not the confidence that makes a lady more attractive, it's her meekness.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:08am

Your friends' comments absolutely prove the point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:11am
i agree...it stinks. I think a lot of guys are often afraid to date a girl who is less hot than all than all their previous mates for fear of what others will think. It's truly ridiculous. two scoops, you sound like a really good guy...i'd be curious to see what these two women you are referring to look like (:
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:15am

Haven't read any more of this thread than just the lead but, yeah, I do somewhat feel that way.

However, I have found lately that I get more attention out in public if I'm looking slouchy. It's funny, when I dress up to the nines, no one looks my way at all. But when I go out in public in jeans and a grungy t-shirt and a ball cap, that's when the guys look my way.

I don't get it but that's what I'm going with. And that's another one of the problems I found with online dating: unrealistic expectations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:40am

>>Truth be told, and to this day, the girl they said you could do much better, is the one that I still believe to be more beatiful. <<

How much you care about or love a person makes a huge difference in how attractive you perceive them to be. Every man I've dated has become more good looking with time as I have come to love him more.

To the other posters who say men don't go for average women -- there is a personal trainer at my gym who is one of the classically great looking guys - we're talking Calvin Klein underwear model good looking - and his girlfriend is very average looking. I have heard him talking to other people about her when she's not around, and he just lights up and goes on about how great she is.

I also don't go for super-hot men because, in my experience, they KNOW they are super hot and they are way too egotistical and narcissistic to have a healthy relationship anyway. I can appreciate their 'beauty' from afar, but don't try to date them. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:46am
Yeah, but I could care less of what others say. I know what I like and I know what I'm looking for. Peoppe have to realize that we are ALL individuals and were not all the same. What I find attractive is going to vary from guy to guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:51am

>>However, I have found lately that I get more attention out in public if I'm looking slouchy. It's funny, when I dress up to the nines, no one looks my way at all. But when I go out in public in jeans and a grungy t-shirt and a ball cap, that's when the guys look my way. <<

I think this might be because everyone is trying so hard these days to 'dress to the nines' that it is more rare to see a woman who looks comfortable in her own skin (and baseball cap and t-shirt). I see so many women around town who look like they just left a 5-hour salon session, are teetering gingerly on 4-inch heels, trying to maintain a model's expression, and keeping every hair in place -- and they look so flipping uncomfortable and unhappy. They are working so hard at looking good that they don't know how to be themselves and enjoy life anymore.

I totally believe in looking good, but what looks good for YOU. Not trying to look like some fashion plate.

I just read a review of some fashion show here in Denver. The reviewer - a man - commented that the runway was boring, but the women in attendance were even more disappointing. Every single woman who came to watch the show was wearing a black top, heels and jeans. Is it really attractive to just look like everyone else?

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 11:58am

This is what confuses me, how do you determine who looks better in the relationship?

I don't have pictures, I would send them if I did. The one that they questioned how did I get, she was pretty, and I guess that's what threw everyone off. The other young lady, no make up, straight brown hait, a little longer thn the shoulders, beautiful smile, blue eyes, little freckles on her face(very adorable. I know it's hard to get a picture from that. But I've seen both recently, and although people say the one is beatiful, I'd still pick the other any day, because she was real nd is just naturally beatiful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 12:04pm
I really need to check my spelling before I send something, or I need to stop typing when I'm working. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Fri, 10-20-2006 - 12:30pm

Totally agree, my thoughts exactly. Yes, confidence helps but let's be honest here, if you are 4ft nothing and 300lb and have a huge scar accross your face no amount of confidence (or clothes, or make up) will make you attractive to a good looking successful bloke. And I also absolutely agree that if you are stunning in face and body that's just about all you need (well, maybe a bit of personality wouldn't hurt;) - you can be as shy as quiet as you want.. it's not negative, it's realistic.