pressure to look good
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| Thu, 10-19-2006 - 11:58am |
This was touched on in another thread, but do you single gals feel a need to always look your best? I feel like i am so self concious these days. I work out, try to keep up with the latest trends, do my hair. I'm not a big makeup person, sometimes i feel like i should wear more. I feel like no matter how good i might look, when i go out there are always plenty of people who i feel look better. Sometimes i wonder, why bother? It seems like there is so much emphasis for women on their looks. People are obsessed with celebrities these days, they even follow the lives of loser, drug ridden children of celebs...but these celebs always look 'hot' no matter how stupid they might be, lol. I feel like there are beautiful people every time i turn on the tv, even my computer these days. It's like if you are average or even above average, it doesnt matter...you wont get attention unless you're a 9 or a 10. It starts to get depressing. It seems like men really want top notch good looking women too. i read their profiles online and it almost always says they want someone slim, slender, then they add in they want someone who is attractive and takes care of herself, etc-sorry to me that translates, if you're not hot then dont contact me, lol.
I used to think i was attractive...but these days i dont feel that way.

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Thank you so much for your comment.
Yeah, my heart is pretty set on him. I keep trying to NOT want to be with him, but it's just not working.
He drives me CRAZY! I really should leave this guy alone - he told me last night that I should feel lucky because of how he SUPPOSEDLY turns down other women. According to him, I should feel lucky because he trusts me and talks with me, while he refuses all other women who try to get to know him.
That was totally uncalled for.
He's so...good, though. He's the first guy I've ever met that wanted big things and isn't afraid to go and get them. This guy is not scared of anything. He and I come from totally backgrounds and it's just...a wonderful feeling to me.
I don't think he'll change his 'jerky' ways, though. No, not at all... Kinda sad, but...it's true.
Thanks for your comments again!
>>He drives me CRAZY! I really should leave this guy alone - he told me last night that I should feel lucky because of how he SUPPOSEDLY turns down other women. According to him, I should feel lucky because he trusts me and talks with me, while he refuses all other women who try to get to know him.<<
I have to chime in to agree with Stacey and Shy. You deserve better - and this dude is obviously completely full of himself if he thinks you should feel lucky that he's not hitting on other women.
Sounds like he's enjoying stringing you along, having you worship him, and he doesn't feel the need to give much back in return. Relationships are not one sided. You should be getting something out of this as well -- affection, respect, fun, etc. To me, it sounds like all you're getting is anxiety because you're not a supermodel and this jerk is messing with your head.
Just my 2 cents. I know how powerful attraction can be, and it might seem like he's the only one with that appeal for you -- but I guarantee you can do better. Find someone with a beautiful heart first - if he's got a great face or bod on top of that, then great, but it's the heart that matters.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Good grief, the more you tell us about this guy, the more angry I get.
Hi there and thanks a BUNCH for your comment!
I'm 21. I didn't start dating until two years ago - bad relationship after bad relationship. Five bad ones, to be exact. The first was physically and verbally abusive. The other four just...took, took, and took...and never gave anything back. And I loved them all so much that I kept giving even though I knew they didn't care for me at all.
I've had all bad relationships so I don't desire anything serious anymore. Even though I'm young, I've decided that I don't want to ever marry because I really feel that I can't deal with another bad relationship. BUT...I still have that desire to belong to someone else. And he's so great to me...except for his arrogance. You should hear him go on and on..."I'm a prince without a kingdom" and "All the girls want to f*** me"
It's incessant, really. It's aggravating, yes, but...he has so many qualities I like.
LOL, it's so funny how you've nailed him perfectly. Yeah, he is the type of guy that would demand I keep away from him when I was sick. Not only is he arrogant, but he's a germophobe. (He hates touching doors and such) And he's always talking about how beautiful he is. I remember the first time he said, "I mean, Look at me! I'm beautiful!"
I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. At all.
He's a character, alright...keeps me laughing.
On top of all of this - if I were more than 104lbs at my height, he wouldn't touch me (or so he says).
He's awful, lol, I know. But he pushes me to be better. He encourages me. He trusts me with his thoughts and feelings.
He's really not the romantic type, but...I know he likes me. Maybe not as much as he likes himself, but hey...it's a start, right?
He's so jealous, too. If I tell him to hold on for a sec, he always says, "Alright - I'll hold on. Go tell your other boyfriend you're on the phone with me"
See? He has his good points. The only thing I would change is his arrogance. Since I know he won't change, I have the choice of either accepting his ways or not considering him as boyfriend material. My best bet is probably the latter, but...it seems I can't help liking him for the moment.
May God be with me! lol.
Thanks again.
I agree with you too. I SHOULD be getting something out of it.
He always jokes that the reason I won't sleep with him is because I want a ten-year deal and a book deal. I'm not asking for ten years of his life, or a book deal when he gets famous. I give him so much of me and all I want is a little affection, respect and the other things you listed.
But no...it seems he just wants to be my 'friend with benefits.' And that's just not cool.
I will never be someone's friend with benefits.
Thank you - I really appreciate your comment. I'm hoping that I'll wise up and...move on to someone who could offer me those things.
I still don't see how he's "great" to you, or what his "good points" are (outside of the ambition/hard work aspect).
Ah...I think it's very telling that you were in at least one abusive relationship. I think that's why you're attracted to this man...because you know he's controlling and that feels familiar and right to you.
It sounds like you would greatly benefit from counseling to get at the underlying reasons why you're attracted to someone who is so arrogant and controlling--I would bet there is probably a male figure in your family who is like that--and change your pattern. If you do it NOW at 21, you will be well ahead of the game and ready to be in a healthy relationship. But if you wait, you'll have more years of bad relationships to work through and undo.
Sheri
Oh, WOW.
Gosh, Corbeach, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'll bet you're as cute as a button, too.
This is so typical. Women in our culture feel much more insecure about their appearance than men. A man can be fat and toothless and still think he looks good. And those guys on the dating sites that say they want perfection...check them out, 90% are really unattractive! (p.s. EVERYONE is terrified of meeting someone fat online.)
But you know, a guy who is really worth your time is going to be looking for more substance than just your looks. I say it is important to keep up your appearance, but let's face it: very few of us can look like Natalie Portman. There's just no point in driving yourself crazy about it or comparing yourself to the airbrushed images you see in magazines!!
If you want to read a very relevant book, check out Naomi Wolf's "The Beauty Myth."
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