Pride
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| Fri, 04-07-2006 - 12:34pm |
How much does pride get in the way of pursuing someone we like?
I went out with a guy last week, had a great time and had been hoping he'd e-mail/call to set up another date. (We hadn't seen each other in four years etc., so this was a "let's catch up" date). Partially based on advice from the boards, I decided not to e-mail him the next day to say thank you, which I usually do to reiterate my interest.
So, a week goes by and nothing. I finally e-mailed him yesterday just to say hello -- short and sweet, one line. Well, apparently that's what he was waiting for -- because he replied right away, seemed excited to hear from me, and suggested another date.
So... it got me thinking. (Some recent posts from others added to the thought process).. Are men and women all out there just waiting for the "nod" from the other person before moving ahead? I was waiting for him to show interest, and he was waiting for the same from me. Now, I didn't ask him out or suggest another date -- I still think that should be up to him in the beginning. All I did was send a simple e-mail to show a little interest and encourage further communication.
I wonder how many people never get together because their pride prevents them from actually taking the next step?

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So, a week goes by and nothing. I finally e-mailed him yesterday just to say hello -- short and sweet, one line. Well, apparently that's what he was waiting for -- because he replied right away, seemed excited to hear from me, and suggested another date.
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Well...I wonder....maybe he should come to this board and find out that women lose interest if you don't CALL within 2 days.
For me, it's not pride...it's a matter of wanting a guy who is interested enough in me to SHOW me that interest, and wanting a guy who has the confidence to take a chance even if he's not sure of my interest level. I mean, really, if he's not sure of your interest level, how hard is it to send an EMAIL (my point being, it's not hard at all--YOU did it, didn't you? Why couldn't he?).
My experience with those guys I have to "prod" is that even if they do respond to the prodding and go out with you again, they turn out to be not really interested, not really available for a relationship (whether emotionally or otherwise) and/or not emotionally healthy. I'm sure there is the *occasional* exception to the rule...but I haven't experienced it, nor can I think of any friends or acquaintances who have.
I hope your experience is different...I'll be interested to hear how this plays out!
Sheri
>>For me, it's not pride...it's a matter of wanting a guy who is interested enough in me to SHOW me that interest, and wanting a guy who has the confidence to take a chance even if he's not sure of my interest level. I mean, really, if he's not sure of your interest level, how hard is it to send an EMAIL (my point being, it's not hard at all--YOU did it, didn't you? Why couldn't he?).<<
That's how I feel as well. I'm actually sort of annoyed that I had to be the one to do it, and my interest level is lower than a week ago because I really do want a guy who makes an effort. I disagree with you, though, that this isn't pride. I feel like there is some pride involved when we want someone to pursue us.
But, I also don't want to end up alone because some guy can't read my mind and know that I'm interested.
So, it's something I'm thinking about. I will be interested to see how this plays out as well. I've had guys way too interested too fast, and guys who were not interested enough. Eventually, I'll get the Goldilocks moment and find one who's just right.
All my long-term relationships started with men who were confident enough to pursue me, but not smother me at the beginning.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
From my experience, men will wait until they get positive feed back from a girl before they move to the next step. I have learned this, so as I stated before, I will always send a little email the next day to say I had a good time. That gives them the "proceed" sign if they want to. It just goes to show how much pride men are not willing to loose, if they just stick thier neck out a little to see if a girl feels the same way.
I have always thought that girls drive where the relationship goes, the key to this, is to make the guy think it was thier idea :)
Ok, for YOU, maybe it's pride...for me, I know it's not ;-). It's not a matter of wanting the pursuit, its more about the WHY of why he's not pursuing, if he's not (if that makes sense).
Sheri
Fair enough. We just have different definitions. :)
KCole, I agree that there's something to making them think it was their idea. I do hold a few cards to my chest for awhile just for that reason.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
>>It's a matter of showing some type of interest. Like replying to a short and sweet e-mail, how hard can that be?<<
So, Hal, do you think this is that generally up to the guy or the gal?
I think NWW is saying that this is really in the guy's court. (correct me if I'm wrong, Sheri).
AJ, enjoying life with C.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
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