Problem Attracting Men
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 05-28-2007 - 8:27pm |
I don't want to sound all self centered or something but I don't think I am a bad looking person at all. I've been told I have a wonderful attitude (some friends call me giggles) and I am smart with a wonderful job. I was in a relationship on and off for nine years. Now that I am back in the market, which I've been for a while, I feel like I know nothing about dating. Not only do I feel like I know nothing about dating, when I go out, chances are every old man in the place will talk to me but nobody my age will attempt a conversation. They will tell me I am gorgeous but won't stick around to talk to me. I am 31yrs old but looks 25 at times. Hahahaha! This dry spell has been going on for a while. Initially, I didn't care much since I felt like I was still finding my way around the dating world but after a year, I am freaking out!! hahaha! I know I am laughing but I am serious. I've had some guys tell me I intimidate them? How do I manage to do that without even talking to them?? I've heard that line so many times it's getting to be annoying! I just wanna date and find me a man but I guess that's gonna be one hell of a ride since wherever I go, if there are octogenarians there, they will find me and chat me up. I absolutely have no problem with that but what happen to the guys my age? Help.

Pages
All I can say is: Join the club.
A year, don't feel bad, I haven't had a date in three. The only advice I can offer you is to stand in front of the mirror and pretend you are just walking through a mall window shopping or that you're sitting at the bar waiting on a friend (Ha, Rolling Stones song) . . . do you look approachable? Are you smiling? Do you exude confidence or insecurity? Honestly, I don't think insecurity will keep a guy away in the beginning. Once the ball gets to rolling, that's when I think it becomes an issue.
This sounds crazy, but I am not a smiler, never have been. My normal countenance actually looks a little sad or pissed off. Growing up, random people would always approach me and ask what's wrong and I never got it. It's something I have to actually *think* about doing (smiling). I always see people who are going about their mundane tasks with a smile on their face and I wonder how they do it. Is it their mindset? Did their parents stay on them to smile as they were maturing?
I read a book once (Superflirt by Tracy Cox) that said to think about sex while you're out and that will keep a smile on your face. Unfortunately, when I'm out shopping or whatever, I'm thinking about what's on the list and thinking about sex would make me go home with only about half of it!
The really old ones don't bother me as much either.
In Elizabeth Gilbert's book, "Eat, Pray, Love" she talks about being taught a meditation by a healer in Bali. He calls it the smiling meditation where you smile when you are sitting and doing you slow, deep breathing with your eyes closed.
I like that for I believe to be truly spiritual is to be happy and in joy.
How does your face look when you are having a good time? when you think of something that really touches your heart? when you are happy? Do that face.
Mark, who needs more practice...
I asked my male and female friends the same thing. Why when all of my friends say 'I'm all this and that', how come men don't approach me? They'll give the stock reply, 'You're hot. They're initmidated by you.' You know the stuff your friends tell you, because they don't have an answer. Actually one did tell me to talk less and just smile. Great - I'm too chatty!
All I could find out is we need to approach men more ourselves. Most men are shy to approach women so we need to make it really clear when we want them to talk to us. They are so probably over being rejected by women too, we need to help them along. We want things the old-fashioned way when men approached women to dance in the dancehalls of my grandma's days. We'll it's not that world anymore. So we need to be possibly a little more proactive.
Also getting men in enviroments where they feel comfortable is a good thing, and not the gym. A lot of men I have asked about meeting people in the gym get annoyed when women approach them there. Basically, they think we're after one thing. I did find when I was running in local races the men were super friendly after the race. They were in an environment where they felt comfortable and also had an automatic topic of conversation. I found men then to be super chatty, but I just started dating the awful-ex so I never really took it too far. One guy was a NASA engineer and cute to boot. So in retrospect of that I am joining a running club and going to race again. I want to be like-minded people and this seems the way to do it.
Beach
Pages