Problem Attracting Men

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Problem Attracting Men
27
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 8:27pm

I don't want to sound all self centered or something but I don't think I am a bad looking person at all. I've been told I have a wonderful attitude (some friends call me giggles) and I am smart with a wonderful job. I was in a relationship on and off for nine years. Now that I am back in the market, which I've been for a while, I feel like I know nothing about dating. Not only do I feel like I know nothing about dating, when I go out, chances are every old man in the place will talk to me but nobody my age will attempt a conversation. They will tell me I am gorgeous but won't stick around to talk to me. I am 31yrs old but looks 25 at times. Hahahaha! This dry spell has been going on for a while. Initially, I didn't care much since I felt like I was still finding my way around the dating world but after a year, I am freaking out!! hahaha! I know I am laughing but I am serious. I've had some guys tell me I intimidate them? How do I manage to do that without even talking to them?? I've heard that line so many times it's getting to be annoying! I just wanna date and find me a man but I guess that's gonna be one hell of a ride since wherever I go, if there are octogenarians there, they will find me and chat me up. I absolutely have no problem with that but what happen to the guys my age? Help.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 6:44pm

Note to self: Don't hit on cute, blonde women who wear cowboy hats in the Northeast who are in their 30s.

Mark who is 53 in the Pacific Northwest :-P

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 6:46pm

Of course the May-December message board is only for those *women* who are older and with those 20 something guys yah? *smirk*

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 7:12pm

Well this was an interesting read. (-: I am 46 and “back out there” . . . and finding a way to just meet woman is a challenge. I went out at first, but felt very out of place in clubs . . . and I see why! LOL I am not looking for younger woman . . . and clubs are just full of them. (-: I did talk to girls, I was there and it is my nature. But it never felt right to me . . . . and reading what is said here tells me I felt the right way. (-: Been a long time since I have been out to a club now. (Divorced in 04)

One of the posts said “older guys did not care if it went anywhere” . . .she was talking older than me I think, but I have defiantly had conversations because a girl was sitting next to me and just made good company. No agenda. She was right.

I will admit sometimes a “pretty” girl is intimidating. But guys who are unwilling to risk a simple conversation . . .not sure you are missing out on that one. (-: I am ok looking, but a bit tall and slim . . . hardly what anyone would call hot. I just get over it and talk. What can it really hurt?

If you think it hard at 34 as an attractive, open friendly woman . . .I am very afraid! ((-: I have yet to even find a venue outside of online things like Match to meet woman my age . . . and frankly find it exhausting and not so fun, like “job interviews” . . . . I have pretty much given up that venue at this point to.

I think I feel for you quite a bit on this one . . . .

If it helps, I do know decent guys in there 30’s who would be happy if they crossed your path . . .have hope kid. (-: I think in the end we share the same question, where the heck do you meet people your age who are worth meeting?

I might have to make a topic out of that one. LOL

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 8:33pm

I like younger men.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 10:26pm
Ya, see I try to keep myself in check, "be aware" but then I get off on the jerk who pulled out in front of me on the way to an appointment and is now going 30 in a 55, or how much laundry I have waiting back at the house for me, or the fact that my new car isn't getting the gas mileage as was advertised. That's when I start thinking too hard, too negatively, and that scowl appears on my face out of nowhere.

I need practice too!
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 10:38pm

I have *worked* on the glass-is-half-full philosophy where I am grateful everyday and I practice compassion as my spiritual practice. I seek the same in a mate. I use to think of my children as the trigger for my smiles. Now I just access my heart.

How did you get such a million dollar smile on your iVillage profile? :-D

Mark

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:08pm

You make it seem as though I am NEVER happy ; ) That isn't the case, I do have my moments-hee,hee.

I am trying to get into meditation. I do it when I think of it but that isn't very often. I am considering taking up yoga and perhaps starting there. Where and how did you get involved with all of this ...... spiritual stuff?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:18pm

I tell people my spiritual journey is driven by desperation. I divorced without a lawyer and walked away from everything (left the house, she got full custody, signed away most of my money) and then got promptly laid off and could not find professional work for 4 years despite my graduate degrees in computer engineering and business.

I read a lot. I sought out to connect with people who I resonated with in terms of life outlook, etc. I signed up for personal growth and spiritual workshops. Random really.

Thanks for asking. Feel free to email me if you want to know more or talk about it.

I like what the Dalai Lama says about his spiritual practice, "This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." So I simply look to practice compassion.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:21pm
That was my next question. I live in Los Angeles. Where in God's name can I go to meet men my age who are interested in relationships etc. As you said, going to club lately for anybody above 25 probably will feel out of place. I did that once and came right out after less than 10 minutes. I swear everybody there was 18 years old. Hahaha! It's really interesting.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 05-30-2007 - 11:34pm

Yeah, it's interesting how, when we get off of that rodent mobile called life for a little while, we immediately go inward.

The DL, that is one happy, happy guy. I bought a book about Buddha once but I didn't finish it. I don't even know where that book got off to . . . I found a local temple here in Nashville and their website hinted at the fact that guests are not welcome. One must be invited. I was quite shocked. See that negativity eeking out again? Ha.