Problem with roommies!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2007
Problem with roommies!
7
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 5:55pm

Hi every one! I think I have posted to this board a while back under a different screen name. I also lurk here sometimes.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 9:48pm

I can sort of relate. My best friend (who lives down the street, practically a roomie lol) is in this horrible relationship where they are on and off again ALL THE TIME. Yeah I get sick of hearing about it. But it's especially when they are broken up and she's trying to find someone else. Now, this friend of mine has a weird sense of humor, and A LOT of people don't understand her, so I try not to mix her with my other friends. But for the most part she's ok with it, because she has other friends to hang out with also.

What I gather from these girls is that they might also sound like it would break their hearts if you were to just tell them that you just want to hang out with your other friends. Hmmmm... I'm thinking that what I would do is just leave them at home, and let them throw their pity party. All you can do is listening to them when they feel like ranting, but it's not your responsibility to make sure they are okay. They are adults, they need to take care of themselves.




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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 10:58am

I agree.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 1:00pm
Try to keep your plans on the DL. I know it may seem kind of shady, but it's honestly not any of their business what you do with your spare time. You aren't married to them ; )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2006
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 6:19pm

Assuming you and your roomies pay rent, then eventually when the lease is due for renewal, you should consider (far in advance) changing housing, ie finding new roommates with the other friends or someone new or entirely different that just wants a "roommate", not a pal to hang with. You have time to think about it while you're living together. If it becomes unbearable, have a talk with them just like you described to us....they may not understand, but at least you tried to explain the value of hanging out with the girls vs hanging out to score a guy.

good luck, it is a difficult position to be in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 11:55am

Oh my gosh, you could be me! haha :)

I'm also 22, single, and liking it (trying to get to the loving it place...I'm getting there, I think). Some of my friends are the SAME WAY, and I find it so ridiculous! My roommate is actually fine, it's my other friends, the friends I tend to go out with when they're actually single (which does happen, though, I'll give them that).

When I look around, it really makes me happy to be single. One of my friend's boyfriend cheating on her and she forgave him in no time, another is dating a complete jackass (who has been blatantly rude to me on numerous occasions and I'm a pretty non-offensive, friendly person), and other various states of disfunctional relationships. I get lonely just like anyone else, but I am so NOT willing to settle for some half-assed relationship because of it. What's the point?? I figure every second you're with someone you're only half into is a second you could miss meeting someone you're crazy about and actually good with.

Anyway, I prefer to keep different groups of friends separate for the most part, and occasionally have bigger get-togethers with everyone. Your roommates shouldn't think that's weird, in my opinion, because it seems to me that's the way most people function, they have distinct, separate groups of friends. I mostly just wanted to relate, though. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 6:17pm
It sounds like you and your friends lead 2 different lives and have 2 different outlooks. Might be that you are just "growing out" of the friendships. I know you care about them and have known them for awhile, but sometimes it's hard to continually hang out with people who you dont feel as if you have anything in common with and don't share your outlook on things. Maybe it might help if you gave them a pep talk and mentioned to them what you are thinking. Try telling them that life is not all about finding a man and if they just were to let loose when you guys go out and not worry about whether they found a guy or not then they might have a little more fun. They might need a little help being brought up and out of the slump. But it isn't your job either to make sure they are feeling ok and to always invite them. If you want to hang out with your other friends without them then you should be able to do that as well and they need to understand this. Divide your time between the 2 sets of friends as you think is best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Thu, 05-17-2007 - 10:34pm

I don't understand people who "need" to be in a relationship. I'm 21 and single, and yeah, it'd be nice to be in a "real" relationship, but being single certainly isn't the end of the world, lol.

I would tell them there is more to life than being with a man, or looking for the next fling. Then, explain to them that when you go out with your other group of friends, you're going out to have a good time together; not to flirt with men, or find someone to hook up with. Let them know that if that's all they want to do when they go out, that's fine...but not to expect that to be the main activity if they go out with you and your other friends. If they keep acting like that when they go out with you all, just go to another area of the venue with your other friends, or leave the place entirely with your other friends.

They might get pissy about it, but oh well. They're adults, and they'll get over it. When you see them back at the house/apartment, tell them why you ditched them. After all, you didn't make them go with you. They wanted to hang out with you and your friends, and if they don't like how you guys spend your time, they don't have to be there.

You could also set aside nights to hang out with them, specifically, so your other friends don't need to put up with their needy, man-hunting ways, and they don't have to feel slighted, like you don't want to spend time with them.