Put in my personal ad

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Put in my personal ad
18
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 1:45pm

Hahahahaha

I am on two dating websites. I have noticed a lot of men on these sites want a "beautiful" or "hot" woman. One young guy, even told me there wasn't any "quality" women on the site. I checked out the other women my age and found they were sweet, smart, fun and cute...I guess not good enough for him because they were merely "cute" and not "hot".

I had a first internet date last Saturday. This was another man who wanted a woman who was "beautiful on the inside as well as the outside". Was he very good looking? Nope. He sure thought he was because he said "here we are, two very attractive people and still single". This guy's hair did not look healthy, and he wore knit nylon sweat pants and top to our date. He had zippo style. Yet, he still wants someone "hot"?

Don't get me wrong...I don't think a man doesn't have value if he isn't hot...but it makes me ill when they demand the woman be hot when they are clearly NOT.

The arrogance is just astounding to me. In response, I added this to my ad:
***********************
Many men on this site and others want a "beautiful" or "hot" woman. If a merely cute or sweet woman is not good enough for you, do not call on me. I am not interested in being someone's trophy or arm candy...I want a real relationship. Don't feel you can buy my love with your money/sophistication/or age. OK? I am more interested in true intimacy and real friendship. Oh, if you demand someone "hot" remember you need to be just as hot yourself. Two way street.
**********************

Have I lost it? hahahaha

A Quick edit: I took it down as soon as I realized it was not positive. The good thing is it made me realize what bothers me about these men and how I'd rather be with someone more humble. Live and learn.

Edited 8/28/2007 1:53 pm ET by lv2breathe




Edited 8/28/2007 7:57 pm ET by lv2breathe
Soliel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 1:56pm
There's a reason these guys are single. That's all I'm saying. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 2:51pm

Hell no, you haven't "lost it"! Good for you for posting that!

When I read the posts of some men on those sites, it always makes me laugh...especially when they have posted their picture and they are either mediocre-looking or downright unattractive - yet they list themselves as "good-looking". If only MY self-esteem were so healthy...LOL.

As far as wanting only "hot" or "beautiful" women, well, it's all in the eye of the beholder now isn't it? I agree with the previous poster in that there is definitely a reason why such men are still single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 3:04pm

Bravo!

Seriously, it irks the h3ll out of me when men on those sites seek perfection when they can't offer that themselves. Even worse when they claim to be attractive when that is to subjective. I say let me decide if you are actually attractive or not, don't declare it as it if were a fact. I think I'm a looker but you'd never see that on my profile. I figure they can look at the pics and judge for themselves.

Idiots!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 3:38pm

I once had a guy get all bent out of shape after reading my profile on Match. He sent me a nasty email saying something to the extent...

"So I was looking at your pictures and I thought to myself, well she's *kind of* cute. Then I move onto what you're looking for in a man. I kept reading and saw that you're looking for a man who is 5'10" and taller. And I think to myself, WTF she is only 5'2". What are you looking for perfection??"

Now, I am by no means full of myself, but I do happen to find myself a great catch. I think I am attractive on the outside, as well as everything on the inside. This guy was NOT the slightest bit cute AND he was only 5'4". I think he was insulted that I would not date another fellow "shorty" and felt the need to tell me he only thought I was average looking.

Needless to say, be very careful on these sites. They attract all kinds and it is easy for those to mislead themselves and others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 4:05pm
Talk about issues. Clearly, that guy has some self esteem problems. My profile says that I don't want kids - some guy emailed me to tell that I should have a couple and see if I like it!

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 4:26pm
I have seen girls shorter than 5'2" almost demanding guys 5'11" and up! It's the "subscription fee = entitlement" mentality. I am paying $ X in monthly subscription fee, therefore I am entitled to at least this, this, this and this in a guy. Women have a fixation with height, especially the diminutive ones who see tall men as a means to enhance their own physical stature, so height requirement is numero uno, with the bare minimum in the vast majority of ads being 5'10". Nothing wrong in it. Everyone is free to live their fantasy on dating sites, but who they are eventually going to go out with will be determined by market forces. And judging by the male/female ratio on dating sites, I will say market forces lean heavily toward women.



Edited 8/28/2007 4:34 pm ET by capegirardeau
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 4:33pm

My approach for OLD is to know that how we are on a profile website is not how we totally are in person so I go for "close enough" and see where it goes from there.

I have responded to women who are looking for men in a different age and height range than myself and have met them. I find it is a chemistry thing and that can only be determined face-to-face.

I know that for most women (almost regardless of height) their height preference cut off is 5'10" and taller. I'm 5'7.5" (I round up to 5'8" grin) and had a wife who is 5'11". I also know that women think I'm in my 40s (I'm 54. I chalk that up to my Asian genes) and have had a gf 12 yrs younger than me.

I have met women who look a LOT better in person than their profile picture (and visa versa). So my point is that I use OLD sites not as a way to find the perfect woman but to actually meet someone, not to screen them out.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 4:41pm
Well that is the good/bad thing about these sites. You're looking for what attracts you to the opposite sex and being honest with what you're looking for will only get you that much closer. Not to say that height alone will deter me from going out with a guy. Not at all. I have actually dated shorter men. But for me, it is all about preference and I will be honest with what I want. Just like whether or not I want kids or not. I won't email a guy who clearly states he is looking for a tall woman. And trust me, there are a lot of men who do not like petite women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 4:50pm
I met my new love on E-harmony. I joined Feb. 7th and was matched with him on Feb. 16th. of this year. Their way of matching people is better for those of us who want true, lasting relationships. We had to answer each other's questions before one of us took the step to e-mail. I feel by doing that, I know so much more about him within the first month than the years I had been with my ex hubby. It so happened that neither of us posted a picture. I had been through the dating crap years ago where the first reaction from the person are their looks. I wanted to know what was on the inside first. It's been wonderful. Try it for yourself. It was the best $40 bucks I spent on myself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 4:53pm

I guess I am confused here.

My post was not about dating short men or the fact that I won't. I don't use dating sites to screen what I am looking for. Actually one of my most cherished ex's happened to only be 5'6". We saw eye to eye when I had heels on.

But my post was not about dating or not dating shorter men. But the fact that an insecure guy had to cut me down because he was insulted that I would not date anyone shorter then 5'10". Those numbers are just preferences, not a end all, be all.

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