Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
Question
5
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 12:45pm

I was just wondering when is it a good time to tell someone that you do not want children in the future while dating ?

Any thoughts ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: pastels952005
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:33pm

I make it very clear early on. It's too much of an issue of he doesn't feel the same way.

I don't make it this big, heavy conversation - usually just a light comment. For instance, one guy and I were walking in the park and saw a toddler making a mess of an ice cream cone. We both laughed about it, and I said something along the lines of "I am SO glad I'm done with the whole baby thing. They sure are cute to look at, but only if you can hand them back".

I think that was our 2nd or 3rd date.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
In reply to: pastels952005
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 1:48pm

Hi,

I'm 33, single and I'm definitely sure that I don't want kids ever. I have five nieces and two nephews and another nephew on the way. My brother and his wife are expecting a boy in April.

Thanks for the reply.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: pastels952005
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 6:06pm
My take is a little different. While I may be interested in adoption later down the road, I don't think I would be comfortalbe sharing that kind of information with a guy until things started to get serious. You've heard the old adage, putting the cart before the horse? I would personally wait until it comes up naturally.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2005
In reply to: pastels952005
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 7:23am

The reason why is I don't think it is a good idea to wait a long time to discuss this issue because a person becomes too emotionally attached by the time its gets serious and people are more likely to give it to the other person in order not to lose them.

I'm absolutely sure that I don't want kids ever, not even adoption. I value my free time tremdously and I would not become a stay at home mother or insist that the grandparents take care of the children while the parents work.

I've seen to many people dump kids on the grandparents and I don't think its right.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: pastels952005
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:00am

I completely respect your decision and your opinion on when to have "the talk". However, for me, personally, I think that discussing something as serious as having children with someone, early on, is a little presumptuous.

I've never been one to dive in head first. It takes me several months to warm up to someone I'm dating. I can't imagine initiating a conversation such as this before the topic of exclusivity is brought up.

Again, I respect your view, I'm just expressing mine : )