Question about approaching women

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Question about approaching women
12
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 10:47pm

I am a 25 year old male. How do women like to be approached outside of bars and dance clubs? I don't go to bars or dance clubs.

Please only advice/ opinions from women. I mean what is an appropriate thing to say to a woman when approaching her at the mall, in a book store, coffee shop, on the street?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:46pm
Smile first and say hello and wait for a reaction. Outside of the typical places to meet people, i.e. bars and clubs can be tricky. You don't want to catch her off guard. When I am caught off guard, my immediate knee jerk reaction is to get away from the situation. So my best advice is to get eye contact, smile and then say hello to see how open she is to talking to you, from there you can judge whether to persue or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:52pm
thanks for sharing, I appreciaite it, any other opinions of what to actually say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 12:28am
The approaches I find most comfortable is when a man makes a comment about a book I have in my hand, or something in my shopping cart (or whatever I'm looking at at the store). Something completely impersonal. It shows common interest. And if it's about a book, it shows you're smart, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 12:38am
what if your just walking on the street or in a downtown area hanging out? or better yet, what happens most often to me, on my lunch break when I am walking down the street and I see many attractive girls?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 7:45am

For me, a guy approaching me as I am walking down the street or through a mall would be weird. (Hey lady, I've seen you walk down this street alone for the last 3 weeks....creepy) An extreme example, but it gets my point across.

I would be much more comfortable with an approach at a bookstore (do you enjoy that author, would you recommend that series, I enjoyed that book when I read it), at the grocery store (how can you tell a cantaloupe is fresh, do you see any single-serving size steaks?), or even a restaurant (I notice you are here by yourself, do you mind sharing the table?).

It is a matter of finding something in common and commenting on it. That makes the thing in common the focus of the first couple of exchanges and is less threatening. From there, just see if it goes and where.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 9:18am

I don't know about that. I'm different in that way. I'd rather a guy not approach me just because he thought I was attractive. That's sort of shallow. There has to be some sort of intellectual connection.

But that's just me. In your case, just a "Hello" would probably do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 11:26am
I agree with the other two women here, which is why I suggested just a smile and hello. I think women are naturally more on guard, so just approaching them on the street would be very creepy. Say hello and give a genuine smile and see how open she is to talking with you. If she is, then comment on a book or whatever. It has to be natural otherwise, it will back fire on you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 12:04pm
I am glad that you started this thread, I wanted to start one that was similar. There is a young lady that works at a local cd store that I like to go to. I have been going there for years but she has not always worked there. Maybe in the last 5 months. We have smiled at each other a couple of times, but that doesn't always mean anything. I saw her at my college one day about 5 weeks ago. Any who, as I was walking down the hallway last week, she was sitting in the hallway. I really wanted to approach her, but was scared. So I walk up to her and say you work at the cd store don't you, and she says yes, others have asked me that here, then said something like she didn't recognize me. But she said it in a sweet voice, which is very attractive, and she kind of chuckled. So I said well, I thought I had recognized you. Then my mind kind of went blank, and I just wanted to walk away, so then I said well I didn't mean to scare you, just wanted to say high, and then I went to my classroom. So I felt like I totally blew it. So maybe you ladies could help us out. This is kind of frustrating, meeting women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 1:06pm
And why do you feel like you blew it? Leverage yourself, don't give up. From my experience, most guys don't make it obvious ENOUGH that they're interested in us. So, go back to the store you saw her work in and make yourself noticed this time. Say hello and ask her about a CD that she would recommend. If she likes you, she will keep a conversation going. If this second time does not work, then go in again and start another conversation. Just don't stalk her. There is a fine line between being persistant and going over the line. It just bugs me when guys say they "blew it" when they did not even scratch the surface because you are sabotaging yourselves and you don't even know it....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 9:40pm
I would suggest you fellows to practice with female friends or sign up for flirting workshops. There are many nuances and I think it is helpful to have someone practice with you. Good luck.

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