Question about new relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Question about new relationships
4
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:04pm

Hi all. This message has to with one i left last week- about the guy i met at the bar on Halloween weekend. We spent the night together, but didn't have sex. He called me on the Tuesday and, as I mentioned in an earlier message, talked about himself alot. This was a turnoff for me and I reacted badly, though I didn't let him know that he pissed me off. I basically told him that when he was over his "busy patch" at work, that he could call me and i wished him luck on all of his work politics stuff.
He told me he didn't want to get attached to anyone right now because he might have to quit his job within the next week or so.

I wasn't sure if I should take this as an "he's just not that into me" thing, or if because he did call and talked to me for over an hour, if that shows he genuinely was being honest about where his life and work is at right now.

Well, anyway, I'm not sure he will call after his work stuff gets sorted out. And now that i've had time to think about things and not be angry at me (or at myself for getting my hopes up) and also since i'm feeling healthier this week (had a cold last week and wasn't feeling 100%)- anyway, i'm starting to wonder if I should call him maybe next weekend to just say hi.

Basically a part of me wants to let him know that I don't want a serious relationship right now either and if anything I just want to get to know him as friends first. BUt I'm not sure if I should call him, since last we talked I told him to call me when he wasn't as busy. I do have his number, and he even told me where he lived- so he's a very upfront kind of guy. What would you do?

I'm so not into games and just want to be honest with men, and always have been. So all I'm thinking right now is "we have so much in common, i don't want to lose him if i have a chance to do something here."

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:14pm
What will this accomplish? If you don't want anything serious right now, why hold on to this possibility? I am not sure calling him to say "hi" or anything else will change the situation between you two right now. I believe this because if he wanted a relationship (serious or not) you would have likely heard from him by now. Are you sure he's what you want or are you just holding onto the possibility for comfort? I think we do this a lot... go back and reanalyze our previous actions because we doubt ourselves. If there's a chance this is what you're doing, don't doubt yourself. You had that gut feeling, you need to trust it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 5:30pm

I agree with your take on the situation - there really is no need to contact him. Even if the possibility of a friendship is there, he'll call if he wants one. The same thing is true of a romantic relationship.

We have all had the experience where we invested energy in something that we knew (at least on some level) would go nowhere but couldn't help ourselves. I am so done with that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 10:52pm
I agree with the other posters. Don't settle for scraps or go back to something that you and he both had doubts with to begin with. It's not going to get you any further in finding the right one. Trust your first judgement and stay in no contact mode because if you are with someone that's almost right you might miss out on the right one because you are not available.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 11:18pm
thanks. gah, it's hard, but i know you're all right. I was with the one that was "almost right" for years, and probably missed out on the right one during that time. So I know I should never settle for someone i'm uncertain about.
It just gets so lonely and I don't know, it's just hard. I guess it's a good thing I'm busy every night this week, gives me less time to sit and think about him and wonder if I should call him.