question about turning guys down

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
question about turning guys down
5
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 2:46pm
Hey there, new to this board here, but occasionally visit other boards when time permits. After reading here I got sucked into some of the discussions, and thought maybe you guys can give some opinions on something a friend and I have been discussing...

How do you best let a guy down? Say a guy your friends with asks you out, but your not interested. Not for any particular reason, there's just not that feeling that makes you want to date someone, or maybe you just don't want to date anyone at the moment. So one side is go out with him, after all he had the guts to ask, and let him down later. Or just let him down right from the start so as not to lead him on. And I'm sure there are others... both of us have had to deal with this, as I'm sure most women have... so I thought I'd ask what others do, or think is the best to do.

Just thought I'd throw this out there for discussion.

jb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 12:40pm
Haha, I like that approach, although I don't think I could do it at this point (although perhaps back in high school I would have if I had thought of it).

The situation that started the discussion is still ongoing, as the guy in question has not come right out and said anything, but is taking the more roundabout approach ("I'd like to spend more time doing things with just you and not the group to get to know you better."). Which is fine, so long as he can understand that it's a platonic thing. Things have been planned to which other people have tagged on (in part to avoid the whole "date" appearance) and in part because that's just the nature of my group of friends. I just plan on making sure he knows up front, before we hang out together, where I stand with the whole thing.

Thanks for all the responses!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 7:18pm
Tell him the truth. You'll feel better, and although he'll probably hate it, he also will probably respect you for giving it to him straight.

A little trick for future reference...Once, when I was in high school, this guy who gave me the creeps asked me out. It was clear what he was doing, but I just kept saying "huh? What???" like I couldn't understand him. He eventually just gave up. (Yes, I realize this isn't taking my own advice.)

Works every time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 4:18pm
the truth will set you free...

"sorry, but i'm not romantically interested in you..."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 3:12pm
I think it depends on the situation. If I know that I will never see the person again I always just say thank you I am very flattered but, I am seeing someone. That way you don't have to hurt their feelings and you can escape. If it's someone that I am going to see again I always say,"Sure I'll go but just as friends." This way you didn't say no to them flat out and also their is no confusion if you do hang out that it is platonic.
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-01-2003 - 2:59pm
The approach I've used in the past for a friend of a friend is to say something like, that sounds fun, we should see if so-and-so wants to go too. It makes it clear that it's not a date in my mind even if other friends don't go along. But, it's also clear that I don't mind hanging out with him, even if I don't want to date him. I would think that might lessen the blow to his ego.