Question for all

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Question for all
8
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 11:19pm
Hi. I have a question that everyone can relate to. I am a male in my early twenties. I have been with my girlfriend for a while. That’s is not the issue. I’ve noticed if I were to break up with me girlfriend tomorrow I could see how it would take a long time, even years, to start up a new relationship. The reason for this is it hard to find a good match for a relationship and its tricky meeting people. It’s a supply issue. I know that if any of my friends broke up with their girlfriends they would be single for quite a long while looking( possible > 1 year) . Is this normal; are we just lame, lol? In the movies and on TV they make it look easy. But, in reality I noticed that most people don’t get much choice or have much supply in who they get with. Is this how it is?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 2:51am

Johnstine,

I don't think the lack of supply of available people is the reason to stay with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It obviously stands to reason if more people broke up with their boyfriend and girlfriend when they were not compatible, that there would be more of an availability of people to date. I would really hate it if I found out that someone was staying with me because they thought if they left, they might not find any one better, they were too lazy to look for someone else or were too desperate and needy to ever consider being by themselves and staying single. Bottom line: you need to be with your girlfriend for the right reasons so if you're not happy with her, do her a favour and break up with her so she can find someone who sincerely loves her and wants to be with her. And if you're taking a survey, I think it's pretty lame.

Feisty

Avatar for filiasan
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 3:28am

I think it's very normal. It really is hard to get into an actual relationship these days. The rules of dating have changed. And I'm out of the race! I've had enough. It's too frustrating, really. But I do understand where you're coming from. Just finding someone who wants to be with you is hard enough. Choice is another thing. You dont' want to have to settle, right? I, for one, have given up on settling. I'd much rather be alone!

Btw, forget about "in the movies"! There's NOTHING real about them. Even the "realistic" ones were made as if they were made on a lofty cloud.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 4:30am
i think it's pretty normal, too. i don't think it's too hard to find people to date (anyone can go on a dating site and find plenty, for one), but it is pretty dang hard in my experience to happen upon a more lasting relationship.
i have been dating someone for a while now, and i think the same things sometimes. i am very very happy with him, but i just sometimes think how much of an investment i've put into him, and how, if we were to break up, i'd probably start putting a huge investment in finding another relationship, and it probably wouldn't happen again for quite some time.
it definitely isn't the movies, where all the interesting stuff happens in quick succession and then comes to a nice resolve - we live through a lot more!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 7:48am

Yes, it is very difficult to find someone who is compatible with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 10:09am
You're right. It does take awhile. It's been two years for me since I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, and I am finding it very difficult to find someone else who has long-term potential.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 11:08am
It is very tough for most people to find someone for long term potential after a breakup. For one, there needs to be some healing time and for awhile you aren't emotionally available for a relationship probably for at least a few months realistically. Another reason is that there aren't that many people out there that you are really going to click with and sometimes when you think you do that other person doesn't believe that they click with you. It's very exhausting actually. Some people are lucky though and find it right away but most of us who are looking for something real and lasting and not wanting to settle find that it takes quite some time to find it again, at least a year for most and probably longer really.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 12:30pm

I think this is normal. People are far more reluctant these days to get involved with each other.

All I meet are guys that have been burnt before ie. had their feelings hurt before and who are terrified or totally turned off from getting into another relationship. It's been much hard then I thought to meet anyone open to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 09-01-2006 - 6:45pm
I do agree with you cl214 on this. It just seems like in this day and age it's a heck of a lot tougher to get into a serious relationship than it was before like during our parents era. I'm not sure why that is. I guess it's just all the people who have commitment issues from being burned and it's a whole chain of craziness. I don't know. The only way I know to get myself closer to finding love is to work on my past issues, heal from them and become a healthy person open to finding love and hopefully I'll attract that same type and be able to pick up on red flags of those that aren't available for love more easily. Everyone seems to want the bigger and better version of someone now even if the person they are with is good in a lot of ways. People seek perfection too much and it doesn't exist. They just don't want to continue to love the one that they are with and that they liked to begin with after they get bored with that person.