Question for all....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Question for all....
17
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 2:32pm

Do you think there are some people who will never find someone? People who are just not in step with society and other people in terms of politics, religion, or social graces. Someone who just doesnt seem to really have a place with other people, even family?

Not a hermit or weirdo who is an outcast that hurts others but just someone who doesnt share hobbies or interests or beliefs with anyone else? In a universe of infinite possibilities, I beleieve it is possible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 6:57pm
Yes, but I think Antisexy's question was if some "great" people or people considered a great catch can stay single, not if some people who WANT to get married stay single. My point was that not only people who are considered (or consider themselves) "outcasts" can stay single, for whatever reason.


Edited 7/6/2006 6:59 pm ET by pimbiroo
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 9:28am
Please do not feel that I was challenging your response. I think there is just more to people staying single then what meets the eye. So many people think that our lives are based on chance and that we have no control over our own lives. I personally feel that you have to make things happen if you really want it. Or not not want.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 10:51am

So, is it your position that someone who is actively seeking a good, healthy relationship but hasn't found one must be doing something wrong and/or have something wrong with them? That chance/luck/whatever plays NO part at all?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 1:20pm

No, that is not what am saying at all. I feel that there is somebody for EVERY person. As long as we're going out and making things happen and not sitting at home, then it is just a matter of time for all of us. I don't believe in fate. Because if that were the case, then that would mean that those who are fabulous, yet never married when they really wanted to marry means they're the unlucky ones. That the universe says their not worthy of finding marriage? I don't believe in that at all. Just like getting a new job, you are not likely to find what you are looking for, unless you put some effort into. Personally, I don't want to feel like if I never get married, it was because fate never stepped in. I believe if I continue to put myself out there and meet new people, I will eventually meet a great guy to marry. I also don't feel that there on one perfect person for us. I feel that there could be a lot of different people that we could marry and we have to make a decision.

This is just my opinion though.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 1:28pm

Thanks for clarifying. I think it takes a combination of work and luck, because I've been actively seeking for over 8 years now (and I've had some short-term relationships during that time that didn't work out for a wide variety of reasons). So I know that trying, alone, isn't all it takes (and the same is true for a job hunt). You have to have the combination of trying and some luck. I know too many really cool people who are out there trying and not finding someone who's right for us (and I definitely agree that there's more than one person who is potentially right for each of us!) for it to be solely a matter of trying.

I used to believe as you do (that if I just tried, I'd meet someone who is right for me) but I no longer believe that just working at it is enough, by itself.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 6:50pm

You've mentioned several times how you feel you're weird/differnt from most people and not destined to meet your match. Hopefully this will help. There is a poster on another ivillage board I frequent who decided long ago that although she wanted to be married, she did not want to be monogamous (instead she wanted to have an open marriage where both her husband & her had full rights to sleep with and have relationships with other people)). Now that is DEFINITELY a norm that is VERY different than most people in our society and I would have thought that had to make her odds of finding someone next to nill (not many people I know would be comfortable with that type of marriage). Yet, she found someone who shared her values and has now been happily married (in an open marriage of course) for several years. Whenver I'm down, I always remind myself that if she can find someone who shares her values, anyone can. So Antisexy, if your values are a bit more out there than most peoples, it may take a bit longer for you to meet your match than for someone whose values are more "mainstream", but it will happen. I fully believe that god, the universe, karma, whatever you want to call it, causes like minded souls to attract each other and gravitate towards the same type of places. So focus on hanging out with people who have your same balues and doing activities you enjoy (however "weird" you may think they are) and eventually someone who is right for you will cross your path. May take a few years, but I have to believe it WILL happen!

I myself think I have many values that are not exactly mainstream any more (I'm very traditional in some respects) and yes, that has meant I've had a hard time finding someone and am still single at 31. But I keep telling myself that being married at 40 or even 50 to someone I truly love is much better than getting married now to someone I can't share my values with. Hopefully you can believe this too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 9:41am
No way, i think there is someone for everyperson out there. Think just how different and diverse everyone is, there are hundreds of different cultures, beliefs, religions in the world and people with differences in these still connect. Sometimes people dont even need a common interest to click and get along or even love. A person from my past (who i love alot) and i had veryvery little in common, infact i cannot think of almost anything we shared the same. People may not realise it, but within everybodies life there will be someone who truley understands them, they may be oblivious to it at first or maybe until the day they die not realise it, maybe because this person is not 'the one' they had always dreamed of, but i believe there is someone for everyone out there, everyone has there place, or else they would not be here to start with...
XXXlayXXX

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