Question to Ponder

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Question to Ponder
7
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 1:27pm

I posted on other boards and wanted the group to ponder, have we gotten out of control with our "requirements"? Are they so necessary? Are we capable of meeting someone and enjoying them for who they are; imperfections and all and just seeing where it goes with minimal boundaries? Can we count on meeting/getting to know someone "traditionally"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 2:02pm

Here are my answers:

1) I require very little. I just want a guy that is truely interested in me and can give me exactly what I can give him.

2) I am completely capable of enjoying someone with all their flaws and have as I am not looking for perfection, but can they deal with mine?

3) I am already dating with the minimalist of boundaries and it gets me rarely called, barely courted, hardly thought about and underappreciated. I think I will have to step up my boundaried quite a bit.

4) I honestly feel like nothing can be counted on these days. Too many people don't do as they say, present who they really are and hide and camoflouge their true motives. I honestly cannot tell what is up and what is down anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 2:35pm

There are some requirements that I have that I just cannot overlook. They are important to me and they have nothing to do with the physical sense, but more to do with someone's belief system. I'm not one to say I need a tall, blonde, blue eyes, etc. That has no relevance to loving someone.

cl214, some guy needs to realize what a great catch you are. What you just wrote is very sweet and not only are you beautiful physically but also have a good heart.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 2:43pm

I answered on another board but thought I'd copy it to here join in the discussion on this board as well:

Well, I'm down to a minimum level of "requirements", so to speak, but to me, they are non-negotiable. I'm totally flexible on a lot of things like income level, education level, stuff like that...but the non-negotiable things are that I'm attracted to him, we are reasonably compatible (don't have to match 100% though), he wants a serious LTR, he is honest and has character and integrity, and he has a reasonable level of emotional health so he's capable of being in a healthy relationship. The latter two, however, seem to be pretty elusive, unfortunately.

In any event, I don't think these are "out of control". I think they are quite reasonable ;-)!

Yes, I'm capable of enjoying someone for who he is, but if it becomes clear he's not a good match for me for a LTR, then I don't see the point of continuing, since I am looking for a partner for the long haul.

I'm not sure what you mean by your last question. Can you clarify/elaborate?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 2:45pm

>cl214, some guy needs to realize what a great catch you are. What you just wrote is very >sweet and not only are you beautiful physically but also have a good heart.

Thanks, scoops, I appreciate it and think so myself. I just hope having a good heart comes back in style again soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 4:19pm

My thoughts are all over the place. Basically, just wanted to know from folks if they believe there is an 'idea' or 'traditional' way of counting on meeting the type of men they seek? Mainly how many of you have had a "marriage" plan and that plan manifested into marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 5:00pm

>>I just hope having a good heart comes back in style again soon.<<

ME TOO! When did it go out of fashion?
---

In response to the OP -- I also have fairly minimal requirements and most of them come down to similar wants/needs and values: i.e. he must be a kind person, he must want marriage/kids, he must treat me well, be motivated, etc.

However, I have realized recently that I have a few lingering turn offs (not really requirements, but things that I'm not attracted to). For example, I recently had a heavily tattooed guy who is 12 years older than me ask me out. I said no -- both the age difference and big, obvious tattoos are big turnoffs for me. I'm also not attracted to guys shorter than me.

It has made me wonder if I should take a chance and go out with someone who doesn't fit my idea of who I'm attracted to.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-23-2006 - 7:10pm

I think that there are some people who have gotten out of control with requirements, others who haven't, and still more who should have more requirements.