Question....dating and single girls

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Question....dating and single girls
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Fri, 04-27-2007 - 3:36pm

So...women always complain that men are not honest and are not true to them....I can understand why women feel that way, because guys cheat on them left and right to boost their self esteem, but why do women think that all men are alike........it makes it so hard to meet and break through the front that women have to get to know them that its like trying to ice skate on hot water....I guess its better to get it from the source since I believe the majority (im guessing) of the readers of these blogs are women, if not I apologize, but its better to get it from the source, than anyone else.....any suggestions.......all comments are greatly appreciated .....Thanks .....

Alex

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 3:52pm

Hello and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 4:00pm
I def agree that not all women are like that or all men are like that...See for example, you go out to a bar, and you see a girl that seems nice and you go up to her and she does not believe you or one word you said....and you know its because guys in the past have hurt her....but at least give that person a chance...Im not like most guys...I love a nice clingy girl who shows her affection by sticking by you, a girl who "bitches" because she knows what she wants not because shes nagging, she's strong in character. I can honestly say I have never cheated on any girl I dated, and when a girl says she knows all guys are players it annoys me because they don't realize there are good men out there. BTW lol I'm not 33 lol its just my fav number 3 but someone had it so I put 33 lol........I guess I should put that in my profile lol.......so how does this work?...I just signed up for it...pretty interesting so far.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:11pm

I've never been cheated on, nor have I ever assumed a man is going to cheat on me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:36pm
I never have thought ALL men are like that but honestly I think women get very leary about letting guys in in the beginning because we don't know the guy from Adam and it takes time to trust, especially if there has been a lot of dating disappointments in our past. I think the older you get and the more you date, naturally the more cautious you get. People in general (not just men) put their best foot forward in the beginning of a relationship but then their true colors come out later on. Some men just get lazy and dont' work to keep relationships going or they go on to the next bigger and better thing and it is a common occurance so we women have our guards up as a result of this. It's called getting smarter and more careful of who you let into your life. I know with me, if the guy is a really good guy and he's consistent with things and truley cares and wants to be with me then I will "thaw out" more and more to let him into my world. But it does take a bit for me to trust.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 6:49pm
I just read this. I agree not all men are alike and I do give the men who aren't self-centered and really want a relationship a chance. Hence the reason why I've been with my bf for 6 months now. He views things similar to you. He really likes women who show affection and spend a lot of time with him and who are honest about their feelings. I like the affection and time too even though it took a bit of getting used to since most of my other bf's haven't been like that. Some women dont' like guys who are like this though, they prefer the men who are very independent and dont' like to spend too much time because they feel suffocated.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 8:45pm
I think it's because *most* women become emotionally vested in their relationships. This goes for all of their relationships, not just with their significant other. On the polar opposite, you have the male species who, let's be honest, date for all sorts of reasons. I won't get into details. Being that as it may, of course there are bound to be a few more heartbroken women out there than men. *Some* men have the ability to date, even have intimate relations, with a woman and still not become emotionally vested. Is this making any sense? Long/short, women are evolving and they are learning to protect their hearts where men are concerned.


Edited 4/27/2007 8:59 pm ET by cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:07pm
I definitely agree.....guys take advantage that girls attach much easier than women and kill it for those of us that actually want a relationship rather than a "hookup"
Now another question......kinda funny actually.....so check this out.....Im at a bar this really good looking girl comes in, everyone is staring at the girl for obvious reasons shes really gorgeous.........Im sittin next to my friend and after a while he says lets go ask her to dance, now I will admit Im shy when it comes to that but after seeing she was turning guys down left and right to dance with her, killed it even more for me.....the bar wasnt that crowded and it was obvious she was turning these guys down.....well after seeing all this I figured damn Im going to be one of these guys getting dissed like that, and I did not ask her to dance......well last call comes along and her and her friends are leaving and what does she do? she stops by my table and blows ME a kiss, astounded, I blow one right back at her, now knowing what to do I stayed and didnt purue further......what an ASS i am at least thats how i felt and feel lol......so heres the thing she was at the other side of the bar and i couldnt even tell that she was into me at all......so what should I have done in that situation after the frozen me......and how should I have approached it with this whole dissin left and right........take in consideration Im shy and Im not aggresive when it comes to going up to girls and going after them like others do.....how should I approach it from now on...suggestions please......and scenarios would be great lol
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:24pm

I can tell you that those other guys, the ones who you probably thought were schmucks? They got it over with and after the sting of rejection faded, they probably moved on to other women. They may have even gotten to dance with a few. Because you were gun shy, you basically wasted your evening sitting there *thinking* about asking this girl to dance.

Just ask. You aren't really out anything. Girls won't sit there and diss you once you've walked away. If the girl says no, just try not to let it get to you, don't let it show. Smile, tell her to have a good time and move on. If you feel awkward, you can always move on to another place or, just move somewhere within the club where you can't see her, so you don't have to think about it.

Don't focus on one girl either. Pick out a few. If there is one girl who makes you particularly nervous, ask her to dance after you have already been out on the dance floor a couple of times. This will do two things: it may work off some nervous energy and her seeing you out on the dance floor with other girls will tell her that you are more than likely, a fun guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:31pm
Thanks I really appreciate it....makes sense.....it was so funny tho...and I really didnt sit there wasting time on askin her to dance because there werent many to ask in the first place....there were girls with guys and the ones that were thre to be honest were not my type.....i dont usually go for the slutty looking girls who dress like they were going to the pool not the club.....and thats the majority out there at that bar....not to insult anyone tho....but if you saw that it was like the beach not a bar...lol.......but yea i dont usually go for that.......so yea i guess ill have to switch gears....thanks I really appreciate it once again
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:34pm
You may want to switch up your haunts, too. Try some different places, maybe even some new ones . . . good luck.

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