Questions About Good 'ol Sex
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Questions About Good 'ol Sex
| Tue, 01-31-2006 - 10:52pm |
Okay, here it is ladies (and gents if you're so inclined):
How long do you generally wait before sleeping with someone? What's the shortest amount of time you've waited? Have things worked out better when you waited/did it when it felt like the right time? What ultimately determines the "wait"?
Any and all advice/answers/comments would be fascinating and much appreciated :) I'm beginning to question whether I have a lack of morals or something.

It has varied for me over the years.
For me, I just tend to go with the flow.
I usually wait until I know the guy cares for me or until I feel comfortable enough. That can be roughly between 3 weeks to 1 month.
The shortest amount of time would be one week.
In my longest relationship, which was 8 years, we intended to wait a lot longerm but that blew up at around 1 month.
What ultimately determines the wait is if I feel there is potential for something long-lasting (if there is little potential, I won't wait, if there is, I'll wait longer).
For some reason this is how I feel right now:
Monica: Phebes, you know what I'm thinking?
Phoebe: Oh, okay! How... it's been so long since you've had sex, you're wondering if they've changed it?
Monica: No, although now that's what I'm thinking.
Me being Monica of course! :p
Back in the day... time was NOT a consideration for me... my goal was to get laid not to calculate how long I should wait so there'd be some sort of relationship afterward.
But with my last relationship I waited a month... and that WAS a conscious decision but not an easy one.
Right now... if a willing, good looking specimen presented himself, I'm not sure I'd have any self control even if the relationship-goal was on my mind! :-S
If I think there's the potential for a relationship, I'll generally wait about 6-8 weeks. If I'm just going for casual fling (rare these days but once in a while), I won't wait long at all.
It's interesting that several people have said they wait less time now that they are older. I've actually gone the other way as I've gotten older, as I have realized that whenever I have sex too soon, I get burned (generally because I get attached prematurely due to having sex, and therefore suspend good judgment and end up staying in relationships I have no business being in).
One major exception though: I met my now ex-husband when I was 24...we slept together the night we met, and we were together for 10 years.
Sheri
"How long do you generally wait before sleeping with someone?"
It depends on the relationship. In general, at least until I've known them a few weeks, but I've never dated a randomly met person, only people I've met through friends/colleagues, so I've had a frame of reference for them. If I met some randomly, it would most likely be longer.
"What's the shortest amount of time you've waited?"
I slept with one boyfriend on the 1st date, after working together for 6 months.
"Have things worked out better when you waited/did it when it felt like the right time?"
Generally, when I've waited, it doesn't happen because the reason I've waited is because the relationship didn't feel right. So I would say that going with what feels right, works best for me. The first date sex resulted in a wonderful multi-year relationship. As I mentioned above, however, I have mainly dated people I have had a frame of reference for and who I had started to get know even before the first date.
"What ultimately determines the "wait"?"
A combination of how much I want to have sex with the guy and an honest assessment of whether I would regret anything I did if I never heard from him again.
Here's my story/take on this one:
Married 19 years. Only slept with one other guy before my ex. Divorced 4 years ago. Waited around 18 months until I felt like dating again. Dated endlessly for another 18 months! Started to doubt I would meet that someone special. Never slept with any of them, none of them were the right guy. Always thought I would wait for an unspecified amount of weeks once I DID meet the right guy.
Then I met him! This one was different from the beginning. We just clicked, and you just know, and I trusted he was the right guy. Contrary to my beliefs, we made love on our 3rd date, which was exactly one week from the first date! Completely took me by surprise, but it just felt right.
Our 10 month anniversary was last week, and we are still going strong.
I really think there is no one answer to the question "how long should you wait". If you have ANY doubts whatsoever as to the motives of your new guy, then don't do it just because you think it might make him stick around (it won't). I'm the type who always thought I would wait at least a month or so, because I take sex seriously, am somewhat reserved, and attach a lot of emotion to it. But I knew at the time I would have no regrets, and it was beautiful.
I asked my boyfriend a few months back, what if I had waited/held off on having sex with him? He said he would have waited as long as I wanted, because he was completely "In to Me". I truly believe a man who has found what he is looking for, will wait for his lady to be ready.