On raising the bar
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|Sat, 02-01-2014 - 7:55am|
I finished reading "It's Not You", really good, I recommend it to all single women. It referenced another book that I'm reading now called "How to Look for Love" by Mari Ruti, but despite it's title, it's not a self-help, step-by-step cookbook for finding a man.
In the chapter ""Why Playing Hard to Get Won't Work," she says this:
Whever a guy fails to clear our bar, we have two choices. We can lower our bar. Or we can take it elsewhere. I recommend picking up that bar and carrying it to the next hot guy who crosses your path. Not only will this give you a chance to get what you want, but it will spare you the mortification of begging for something that you can't have. It will release you from the prolonged agony of always getting less than you ask for.
It doesn't mean that you should do all the work and pursue someone who seems vague, reluctant, distant, or indifferent. I couldn't care less about who makes the first move. But if a guy isn't meeting you halfway, it's time to reassess the situation...What's the point of running after someone who doesn't return your passion?...The guys who don't want you aren't worth your attention. And the ones who do will do their best to clear your bar. You won't need to stoop to game-playing to ensure this.
So yes, I can sure relate to running after someone who is "vague, relcutant, distant, or indifferent." Yep, gonna hoist that bar up and carry it somewhere else.