Random, disconnected stuff

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Random, disconnected stuff
23
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 5:14pm

Last night I was told (by a guy) that I was giving off "don't talk to me" signals.

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Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 4:44pm

>>My friends have definitely noticed the difference. I have just taken the attitude that "I know I'm successful, attractive, and have something great to offer. If a guy isn't into me, it's totally his loss." The self confidence has made guys sit up and take notice.<<

Great advice. I feel that way, but I'm not sure I convey it. Next time I'm out, I'm going to try striking up a conversation at the bar like you do. I think what you said about other guys noticing how nice you were to the first guy is true -- that gives them a clear signal that you are approachable, easy to talk to and won't bite their heads off for coming up to say hello.

I think I tend to cling to my group of friends too much when I'm out, and don't let myself mingle around the room enough. Hmm.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 4:58pm

Oh. My. Gosh.

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:06pm

My disgust was probably showing through, too.

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:10pm

Flirting is easy for me too if it's someone I know.

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:16pm

I might have had that attitude on another night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:26pm

>>Flirting is easy for me too if it's someone I know. If it's a stranger, forget it. I'm always afraid he's going to take innocent flirting for an invitation to...well, stick his knee between my legs. ICK! <<

LOL! I agree - me too.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:30pm

<>

I think everyone does this, guys and girls, because a) there's comfort in numbers, and because, b)at least for me, I'm there above all to have fun with my friends, not to hook up.
That's why we all get our drinks ourselves, we don't wait for a wiatress, which wouldn't work anyways at the bars we go to, and we don't go to the bar together.
We do dance together, and sometimes a guy a group of guys will come dance with us, but that's not always good, like you said!


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Registered: 02-08-2006
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:34pm

<>

I'm the complete and total oppostie. I simply cannot flirt easily with someone I'm interested in. I am working so hard on getting past this, but a complete stranger, or a guy I have no interest in but is fun and flirting with me, the flirting comes naturally. I really wish I could just DO IT, especially since there IS a guy I'm interested in, and every time I see him, I get unnaturally shy- I'm sick of myself around him! Ugh.


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Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:40pm

>>I really wish I could just DO IT, especially since there IS a guy I'm interested in, and every time I see him, I get unnaturally shy- I'm sick of myself around him! Ugh.<<

Oh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who goes through this. I always end up talking to everyone except for the one guy I'm most interested in. I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm still in middle school with this dating/flirting thing. (Especially the flirting - I've never been great at it).

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 5:56pm

For me, I didn't usually have a problem chatting it up with men and I think my work history has something to do with it. My very first job at 14, I worked with 15 men that were heavy-equipment mechanics and 1 woman (receptionist, though I was considered her asst). The men made me feel welcome and invited me to eat lunch with them so I wouldn't have to eat by myself. To this day, I can go visit those guys and feel right at ease with them. My second job in high school was in a hardware store. Again predominantly male. So I guess learning how to relate and talk to men at a very impressionable age made me slightly more confident with men overall. I didn't have many boyfriends at all (3 in my 24 years) but I have enjoyed having male co-workers and friends that helped shape how I relate to men now.

However, a down side is that I have a more difficult time getting along with women. My program at school has maybe 10 guys out of my 100 classmates. I can talk to women and be pleasant enough but a lot of the stuff we do to each other and the cattiness and crap, I just will never get at all.

One of my friends from the South (Tennesee) is attracted to this guy at school. I told her to go talk to him and she said I can't, I just wait for them to talk to me. I asked her why and she said it was how she was raised. So I think a lot of our early experiences (outside of the family and role models we have) definitely spell out how we relate to the opposite sex later in life.

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