rant on being single...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
rant on being single...
12
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 8:29pm
this is just me letting some crap out of my system,why is it men can't be honest with you to the last minute and then hurt you and apologize left and right for hurting you? then when you need your friends they all seem to have coupled off..it's like the feeling of being alone and 'single' makes you so depressed it's fun at first dating but it just ends up being stressful bleh i'm just babbling on and on cuz it seems like nothing works anymore socially and i should just cut myself off for awhile...sorry but had to vent

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 8:41pm
It's okay to feel crappy about being single once in awhile. We all get lonely and have those down times. It makes it hard not to have a shoulder to cry on about it too. Keep in mind that this feeling will pass. We all have them, and they always do, and then they come back again at the worst times. That's why we're all in this together!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 06-22-2003 - 9:49pm
I've been single for a long time and I've been hurt many times. (I've also hurt a few people as well). I had to learn to become very discerning about who I date; if it seems a man has only a weak, or half-hearted interest, I would quit taking his calls. No more lukewarm men for me. The man I date now is very passionate towards me, calls frequently, shows up on time for dates, brings flowers, etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 1:07pm
A wise quote from a teenager..."It is the unconscious attempt to stay within the norm that drives us to feel outside." ~ My cuz, Natalie

Everyone else is getting coupled off - so? You are not "everyone". Thats not the path for you. Accept it for what its worth - its neither better nor worse. Unless you focus on positives or negatives. Instead focus on fulfillment. What do you love? Who are you? What is success to you? I try to take FULL advantage of the freedom being single provides...that way when I find a partner and have children, I will be ready to make the proper sacrifices. And I will never have regrets or wonder if I had tried this or done that...

And welcome to the board!!

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 9:02pm
hey, i'm feeling much better i just go through those ranting phases when it all builds up but i'm ok with it now=)
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 11:22pm
Hehe..I knew that would happen! Isn't it funny how those moods just hit us?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 06-24-2003 - 9:59pm
lol like today i woke up and felt great singin in the shower people at work were looking at me funny, like what's she on, i'm so gratefull to have found these boards you guys are a big help thankyou to everyone=)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 1:28am
Listen I do agree with you & not to sound negative but I have had to brace myself for the reality that at 37 that this may be it. I do not have dates anymore. I don't drink. I have joined clubs, tried internet dating & I just get tired of trying. I have settled for ex's & I'd just as soon be alone. There are times & I don't mean to sound scary, but I think about not living if I am still alone by 50.

Yes I have somewhat of a fulfilling life.. I have a job, a home & car & that is great! BUT, I have noone to share my life with.

I truly believe that life is to be shared with someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 2:08am
That is really sad. Why is your life not worthy unless it is shared? Could you not accept that maybe that is just not the path for EVERYONE? We have such a unique and diverse mixture of ppl on this planet, I find it hard to believe that there is only one way to live it: in a couple. We are born single and die single. We are not "missing" anything in between. Certainly having a partner ENHANCES that...but certainly not enough to warrant extinction. I don't think there is enough impetus to motivate me to even bother with a r/ship...remember those days as a child how happy you were? You didn't need anyone...and you don't now...yes, it would be nice :)

Stay strong...Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 6:59am
Thanks for your input.

Hmmm, when we are children though we get the reassurance & love from our parents. If they are good parents, they instill the helathy self estemm we need so that we do not need another person when we are adults. I am trying to give that to myself & realize my shortcomings.

I guess my point was, we are social human beings & we need people.

Through therapy & these boards, I have learned a lot about myself. I hav taken the responsibilty to try & better my life. There are moments though that are just very painful.

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Wed, 06-25-2003 - 5:16pm
Hey, I was single til I married for the first time at age 47 13 mos ago. I just divorced 3 wks ago and believe me, marriage and happy are NOT synonymous w/each other!

W/o going into the details (drug-dealing was involved, and I was NOT apprised of same til after the wedding), the fact is that your life is what you make of it. Yes, it's nice to be in a relationship, to be "in love," to be w/a love interest. But being alone is infinitely better than living wretchedly w/a partner or spouse. It took being in a fiendish, no-win situation of a marriage to make me see how much I had going for me, as a single woman, than I had or would have, married.

Divorce was final on May 30, and I finally closed on my new home on June 5 and moved in on June 11 (I never told him about it, nor does he know where I live). The walls are bare, I still need drapes and a chest of drawers--BUT I'M SO HAPPY! I feel as if I've gotten a second chance to appreciate all the good things I had as a single woman. I can watch TV all night long, or not. I can run my errands all weekend long, or not. I can sleep all day, or not. I was amazed at how much I missed the freedom to do all those things while married. I'm not saying that I didn't want to be married, or I wouldn't have done it. It's just that, if being alone is better than being w/my husband, why remain stuck THERE when I could enjoy my life HERE?

I think good planning, making plans, are important when you're single. It's easy to become a helpless blob of inactivity on weekends or holidays--unless you've made previous plans to do otherwise. One Christmas I was completely alone, so I made plans to volunteer at a dinner for the homeless, and went to early Mass. At the dinner I met some nice people who invited me to their home for Christmas, so I went and had a good time and made a new friend. You've got time to do things, if you've got things to do in the time--so buy a calendar, look up some events and make some plans. And don't stay home just b/c you've no one to go w/; the best times I've ever had happened when I went someplace alone.

I'll be 50 next year, but as long as I have my health and I'm able to work, what's age but a number? I'm eligible for early retirement next year if I want it, or not. What I still want to do is go to law school when I do retire so I can practice "everyman's" law. Since I'll have a retirement check, I won't be sweating too much about either the paycheck OR the loans b/c I won't have to borrow as much. Either way, I win.

I happen to enjoy working and hope to do so til age 70. It could be that finding work you enjoy or are passionate about gives you a little something to DO, so your life isn't consumed by Finding True Love. Finding success in work is a lot more likely, so I pour myself into that, w/surprising results. And anything you do for yourself will generally put you in position for meeting new PEOPLE, not just men. You can't have too many friends, after all--and there's nothing that says you can't have men FRIENDS.

So what's so bad about being alone? You can either be BY yourself or WITH yourself. How you see the show depends on where you sit.

Ash


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